Monday, March 18, 2013

"You Are Enough"

These three words have been flooding my mind, body, and soul every time I am about to receive Communion lately.

"You are enough."



And in those moments, right before I bow before the living Christ in the Eucharist, I fully believe them.

It's all of the moments preceding, and all of the moments following, where I get into trouble.

I remember so vividly an evening years ago, when we were still living at our old place, attending the old parish, sitting in Adoration on Holy Thursday, and feeling overwhelmed by the same thoughts: YOU ARE ENOUGH! I felt it - I knew it. No matter what happened in my life, I had Jesus, and He was all I needed.

But living that reality - especially when faced with pregnancy and birth announcements at the end of a cycle, or adoption announcements at the block wall of our inadoption- that is so much more difficult.

I suppose this makes sense. Isn't everything easier in the physical presence of Jesus? Ahhhh, I missed my calling as a janitor at a Perpetual Adoration chapel.

This Lent has not neglected its promises for increasing challenges and trials. We are in the midst of more uncertainty now, in many different ways. And I struggle to remember that my only true desire should rest in knowing that He is enough. Oh, how badly I struggle. My heart aches. I am human. I want what I want. And I want God to give it to me. How awful does that sound??

Now, out of the presence of the Eucharist, all I can manage to pray is "Help me to always know that You are enough." As I cramp. And spot. And ache. And cry. Help me, Lord. Help me to know...





13 comments:

Donna said...

I want what I want. And I want God to give it to me. How awful does that sound??"

It doesn't sound awful. It sounds human. And it sounds like a woman who wants to see the fruitfulness of her vocation as a wife in a tangible way.

You are always in my prayers!

Sarah said...

Agree with Donna. Of course you want what you want. And of course you want God to give it to you. I see so many other around me receiving the blessings I long for, and complaining about them. Yet, I am sure I do the same about blessing other than fertility which we do have (like steady employment and a loving marriage).

I was just thinking about this today actually, how even the good and holy desire for children can become an idol which stands between us and God. Totally.

You are on the right track; so much wisdom.

DM + AM said...

We hear you and pray for you. You are enough. You are making a difference. You are light to so many including us who started on this difficult path of infertility. I know for me it is hard not to feel "broken" but somehow I know this will not be for nothing. We send you many hugs!

polkadot said...

You know, when I saw the title of the post, I thought it was going to be you saying that to your husband (or him to you).

As to your actual post...I think everyone (well, every Christian) struggles with this, whether their want is children or anything else. I think it helps us keep our eyes on heaven where we won't ever have to leave His presence, although longing for heaven doesn't take away the difficulties we face while here on earth.

It reminds me of this challenging quote from St. Ignatius of Loyola:

"Man was created for this end: to praise, reverence, and serve the Lord his God, and by this means to arrive at eternal salvation. All other beings or objects placed around man on earth have been created for him, to serve as means to assist him in the pursuit of the end for which he was created.

We must, then, above all things, endeavor to establish in ourselves a complete indifference with regard to all created things, even those of which the use is not forbidden us; not preferring, as far as depends on us, health to sickness, riches to poverty, honor to humiliation, a long life to a short one; since good order requires that we wish for and choose, in everything, what will lead us most surely to the end for which we were created."

I remember that quote from "The Infertility Companion for Catholics" and how a corollary is not to prefer fertility to infertility or maybe having children to being childless. I know I'm not there yet, so I will pray that prayer in your last line of the post with you.

JellyBelly said...

For a time my prayer was for God to make me smaller so I could magnify Him. I wish so much that He was enough, but my ego and desires get in the way.

This post is such a good reminder!

Love you!

Being Refined said...

Love this post! Such a wonderful reminder that Jesus is our focus, as we approach Easter.

And i agree with Dona... not awful... just human!

Honey, I will pray with you!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

It doesn't sound awful at all...you can't help how you feel, and what you want is part of what you feel, if that makes sense.

I love Jellybelly's prayer...that is something we should ALL do!

Silvana said...

This is a powerful reminder for my life in this childless-jobless stage. Great post! God bless.

Hafsa said...

Beautiful post and a great reminder as I struggle with things lately.

DM + AM said...

I just listed to this and it made me think of you and your post here: http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/mp3/PAYG_130319.mp3 the main page is: http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/

This "pray as you go" you can listen to everyday. It said something today that really struck a cord with me. In the song it said, "with God in your heart you lack nothing, God is enough."

As much as any of us do not like our situations, God is enough...

Hearing that today really put a peace in my heart.

Leila@LittleCatholicBubble said...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Monica said...

I have been thinking on this post for a while and another meaning of "You are enough" has come to me. You say this has been the thought running through you as you approach the Eucharist... I wonder if maybe this is also God's way of saying to you, YOU are enough.

Anyway, I was just thinking this and wanted to share.

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Monica...

wow. Totally never thought of that. Thank you :)