I wrote a long post just now, which really had no beginning or ending... went back and read it, and realized it made no sense and it stunk.
The one thing that has been bugging me the most lately is the lack of feeling God's presence. I sat in the chapel the other day, and literally begged for Him to clear my mind. I felt like I needed to quiet everything, slow down the pace, in order to allow Him to enter. I said a rosary, and waited. But while things got quieter, no sense of peace, affirmation, or anything that I could pinpoint specifically as God's presence.
I am truly missing this. And it makes the journey so much more difficult when I question where I am. Am I suffering the way He wants me to? Am I doing His work as He would desire me to? I was, and am, craving the answers to these questions... but there is only silence on the other end.
I know there's no easy "answer" out there for me. And in coming across my own post from 2 1/2 years ago, I realized that the suffering itself is what is bringing me closer to God... but then, shouldn't I be feeling His presence most acutely, now?
I just need to know that I am on the right path. How can I carry this cross until the end without that? I can't even finish this post, because I just don't know where it's going.
I wrote a short post just now, which really had no beginning or ending... went back and read it, and realized it makes no sense and it stinks. But this time, I posted it anyway. Because sometimes...? Sometimes life makes no sense and it stinks. But we can only do our best.