PTI denial appeal was denied.
The initial court time was 9:00am but it was postponed for 1:30pm. I had the afternoon off to study some more before my Ultrasound Physics Registry Exam tonight at 5:30pm, so I quickly made the decision that losing out $200 for the test registration was worth being at court with DH. (I couldn't take off work to be there this morning, because other people's ovaries don't care about my personal life ;) - and, I love that I can be available for people when they need it.)
I tried so hard to not break down after the ruling, to be strong for DH, just as I had told him beforehand that even the worst case scenario would mean that someday we can attempt fostering. And I wasn't lying. I really felt, before we went in, that everything would be ok, NO MATTER WHAT the outcome. But for some reason (um, maybe because there was a friggin' PREGNANT LADY sitting right smack in front of me in the courtroom the entire time- what the hell?????!!!) I just lost it thinking about not being able to adopt.
Friends, I need your prayers now more than ever. I know God has a plan for us. Please pray that He will bring lightness out of this darkness.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us.
St Joseph, pray for us.
St Anthony, pray for us.
St Rita, pray for us.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
And With Two Days Left to My Novenas...
As you'll remember, I've been saying this 30-Day St Joseph Novena since June 1st, in anticipation of THE court date on Thursday which will decide once and for all if DH gets approved for Pre-Trial Intervention (PTI).
I also began this Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots, to end on June 30th.
But what most of you don't know is that my husband and I started yet a third Novena to Our Lady of La Leche a few days ago. Usually I'm not one to pray more than one Novena at once, but the timing of these Novenas falling into my lap made me feel like it was crucial for me to do each one of them NOW.
A commenter on my blog offered to send me some rock powder from Our Lady of La Leche. I responded that I would be thrilled if she could send me some, but then I didn't hear back from her for a while (about a month - but don't worry, R, I was too busy to notice anyway!!) Then just this past week, she responded that she was going to get it in the mail asap, and it arrived late last week. It was then, and only then, that I realized how very special this gift from someone who had never met me was. I had mistakenly thought that the rock powder was from the shrine to Our Lady in St Augustine (the one I recently visited). Oh, no. This rock powder, as tradition claims, is from the Holy Family's Flight to Egypt, during which time Our Lady fed the baby Jesus, spilling some of her milk upon the rocks - creating this milky-white powder.
Can we say - WOW?!?!?!
I do understand that this is tradition, and not Church doctrine by any means, but I still feel amazed to be in possession of something that may very well have come from Mary, herself!!!
The instructions were for me and DH to take some grains of the powder in water for 9 days, reciting the 3rd Joyful Mystery. That's it. Definitely simple enough for me to master :)
So, our intentions during these Novenas have been many. Each morning, and each night, I pray:
a) for PTI to come through on Thursday
b) for DH to find a reliable-income job, that makes him happy, and keeps us financially secure
c) for my work intentions (more on this momentarily)
d) for healing from our infertility (and actually, I've been more specifically praying that we conceived THIS cycle... no beating around the bush this time!!)
e) that we may one day be able to adopt and/or foster
Poor Mary and St Joseph must have to write lists to keep all my intentions straight.
Well, the graces have already begun to flow, and I can only hope that all of my prayers over the past 5 years and beyond are coming to fruition now.
About a month ago, my NaPro Dr announced that she will be moving into a new building in September, and also taking on a new Dr who just went through the NaPro training herself (after having two of her patients suffer strokes from the birth control pill in the same week). She had asked me to increase my hours to serve in more capacities when the new Dr starts, which is next month. Additionally, and even more exciting, is that simultaneously, the hospital that owns the Gianna Centers (the one in NYC and the one in NJ where I also work) is "talking" to my NaPro Dr about bringing her office on-board as yet a third Gianna Center! THIS would mean wonderful things for NaPro patients on the East Coast!
Developments have looked promising for this to happen all month...
Then, almost immediately after starting the Mary, Undoer of Knots Novena, DH calls me at work to tell me that one of the construction jobs he's been working tirelessly on for months is submitting their down-payment (including all overhead and profit) on July 10th. This amounts to $45,000, to be split three ways - 1/3 into the company, 1/3 for DH's parents, and 1/3 for us - $15,000. I cannot even tell you how BADLY we need that money right now. It probably was not the wisest decision for us to go to Clear Passage this month, because it really left us completely broke. But I am seeing now that God most certainly does provide!
That's not all.
Just after starting the third Novena, to Our Lady of La Leche, DH called me today to tell me he GOT A JOB!!!!! And that's not even the best part! He got a job in construction, as a site manager, which means that he will be working very similar hours to me and NO weekends!!! (Had he landed a Chef job, it would have kept us from seeing each other... at all.) Plus, the position pays more than what his "stipulated" salary with his father is supposed to pay!!! I am SO happy about this!!!
Other things are happening, too - I had wanted to (eventually) offer my expertise on NaPro-specific ultrasound as a "trainer" for anyone interested in becoming a Sonographer for a NaPro Center. I had even talked it over with my NaPro Dr as a possibility for the future. Well, it would seem that my services are already in great demand, and I have been approached about offering the training this summer! 5 years ago when I saw the Creighton Model Introductory Session and thought to myself "I'd love to do this someday," never did I imagine just how involved I would be in this beautiful work, and just how many lives I would be able to touch. God is so amazing.
Two more days before the court date. Oh, please, dear God, keep this ball rolling...
and a pregnancy would also be much appreciated :)
I also began this Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots, to end on June 30th.
But what most of you don't know is that my husband and I started yet a third Novena to Our Lady of La Leche a few days ago. Usually I'm not one to pray more than one Novena at once, but the timing of these Novenas falling into my lap made me feel like it was crucial for me to do each one of them NOW.
A commenter on my blog offered to send me some rock powder from Our Lady of La Leche. I responded that I would be thrilled if she could send me some, but then I didn't hear back from her for a while (about a month - but don't worry, R, I was too busy to notice anyway!!) Then just this past week, she responded that she was going to get it in the mail asap, and it arrived late last week. It was then, and only then, that I realized how very special this gift from someone who had never met me was. I had mistakenly thought that the rock powder was from the shrine to Our Lady in St Augustine (the one I recently visited). Oh, no. This rock powder, as tradition claims, is from the Holy Family's Flight to Egypt, during which time Our Lady fed the baby Jesus, spilling some of her milk upon the rocks - creating this milky-white powder.
Can we say - WOW?!?!?!
I do understand that this is tradition, and not Church doctrine by any means, but I still feel amazed to be in possession of something that may very well have come from Mary, herself!!!
The instructions were for me and DH to take some grains of the powder in water for 9 days, reciting the 3rd Joyful Mystery. That's it. Definitely simple enough for me to master :)
So, our intentions during these Novenas have been many. Each morning, and each night, I pray:
a) for PTI to come through on Thursday
b) for DH to find a reliable-income job, that makes him happy, and keeps us financially secure
c) for my work intentions (more on this momentarily)
d) for healing from our infertility (and actually, I've been more specifically praying that we conceived THIS cycle... no beating around the bush this time!!)
e) that we may one day be able to adopt and/or foster
Poor Mary and St Joseph must have to write lists to keep all my intentions straight.
Well, the graces have already begun to flow, and I can only hope that all of my prayers over the past 5 years and beyond are coming to fruition now.
About a month ago, my NaPro Dr announced that she will be moving into a new building in September, and also taking on a new Dr who just went through the NaPro training herself (after having two of her patients suffer strokes from the birth control pill in the same week). She had asked me to increase my hours to serve in more capacities when the new Dr starts, which is next month. Additionally, and even more exciting, is that simultaneously, the hospital that owns the Gianna Centers (the one in NYC and the one in NJ where I also work) is "talking" to my NaPro Dr about bringing her office on-board as yet a third Gianna Center! THIS would mean wonderful things for NaPro patients on the East Coast!
Developments have looked promising for this to happen all month...
Then, almost immediately after starting the Mary, Undoer of Knots Novena, DH calls me at work to tell me that one of the construction jobs he's been working tirelessly on for months is submitting their down-payment (including all overhead and profit) on July 10th. This amounts to $45,000, to be split three ways - 1/3 into the company, 1/3 for DH's parents, and 1/3 for us - $15,000. I cannot even tell you how BADLY we need that money right now. It probably was not the wisest decision for us to go to Clear Passage this month, because it really left us completely broke. But I am seeing now that God most certainly does provide!
That's not all.
Just after starting the third Novena, to Our Lady of La Leche, DH called me today to tell me he GOT A JOB!!!!! And that's not even the best part! He got a job in construction, as a site manager, which means that he will be working very similar hours to me and NO weekends!!! (Had he landed a Chef job, it would have kept us from seeing each other... at all.) Plus, the position pays more than what his "stipulated" salary with his father is supposed to pay!!! I am SO happy about this!!!
Other things are happening, too - I had wanted to (eventually) offer my expertise on NaPro-specific ultrasound as a "trainer" for anyone interested in becoming a Sonographer for a NaPro Center. I had even talked it over with my NaPro Dr as a possibility for the future. Well, it would seem that my services are already in great demand, and I have been approached about offering the training this summer! 5 years ago when I saw the Creighton Model Introductory Session and thought to myself "I'd love to do this someday," never did I imagine just how involved I would be in this beautiful work, and just how many lives I would be able to touch. God is so amazing.
Two more days before the court date. Oh, please, dear God, keep this ball rolling...
and a pregnancy would also be much appreciated :)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Today, I'm a Depressed Italian :(
The typical infertile has a short-term focus:
Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3 - to get pregnant.
Step X, Step Y, and Step Z - to get matched for adoption.
We become so fixated on those few steps we need to do just right in order to achieve our goal, that we don't have much time to think about all of the rest of the steps that follow AFTER our goal has been met.
But in talking over our similar diets for food intolerances with Sew Hormonal, it suddenly dawned on me that my future is not going to be what I had envisioned for my family. Not at all.
You see, growing up with an Italian mother and grandmother who were both ALWAYS in the kitchen cooking something, I knew that someday I would be cooking those same recipes, with my children yelling and playing in the background. I knew those meals would bring back all of the warm memories of my grandmother and of my childhood, and that her very personal and special way of making "gravy" (which is what any REAL Italian calls tomato sauce made with meat or fish) would live on forever through the generations. In short, I wanted my home to smell the way my childhood home always smelled - like a pot of gravy up on the stove :)
Now I realize that not only will I likely need to stay dairy-free for the rest of my life (it was having such OBVIOUS bad effects on me, that literally the same week I eliminated dairy, I noticed huge improvements in my health), but I probably should stay gluten-free, too. And while not everyone has gluten and dairy intolerances, I do think there is something to be said for the fact that there is SO much carbohydrates and dairy in our American diet (along with processed foods), that it is likely a good idea to keep those foods at a minimum for any children that may come into my life. (Though I may have to pry the cheese out of my husband's dead, lifeless hands like Charlton Heston's rifle.)
And so, what does that mean for the future generations of the Viola.s and Grillo.s?
What it means is that we won't be having:
Gravy
Spaghetti
Linguini
Fusilli
"Macaroni" (what we called anything that wasn't long pasta)
Stuffed Shells
Italian bread
Garlic bread
Pizza
Chicken Parm
Eggplant Parm
...
the list goes on.
And trust me, unless the EXACT same ingredients are used, in the EXACT way, it just is NOT the same. So, gluten-free/dairy-free alternatives will not cut it when it comes to recreating a family staple.
These are the foods I lived on growing up. And quite possibly, these are the foods that, when given in overload, caused intolerances in me. I do not want to do that to my children.
But I feel like I'll be robbing them of the joy of Italian cuisine - the joy of my family's talent.
It is so hard.
Man. Now I am really craving eggplant parm.
There'd better be no food intolerances in heaven :) Grandma, start cooking now, cuz I am going to FEAST like no other when I get up there!!
Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3 - to get pregnant.
Step X, Step Y, and Step Z - to get matched for adoption.
We become so fixated on those few steps we need to do just right in order to achieve our goal, that we don't have much time to think about all of the rest of the steps that follow AFTER our goal has been met.
But in talking over our similar diets for food intolerances with Sew Hormonal, it suddenly dawned on me that my future is not going to be what I had envisioned for my family. Not at all.
You see, growing up with an Italian mother and grandmother who were both ALWAYS in the kitchen cooking something, I knew that someday I would be cooking those same recipes, with my children yelling and playing in the background. I knew those meals would bring back all of the warm memories of my grandmother and of my childhood, and that her very personal and special way of making "gravy" (which is what any REAL Italian calls tomato sauce made with meat or fish) would live on forever through the generations. In short, I wanted my home to smell the way my childhood home always smelled - like a pot of gravy up on the stove :)
Now I realize that not only will I likely need to stay dairy-free for the rest of my life (it was having such OBVIOUS bad effects on me, that literally the same week I eliminated dairy, I noticed huge improvements in my health), but I probably should stay gluten-free, too. And while not everyone has gluten and dairy intolerances, I do think there is something to be said for the fact that there is SO much carbohydrates and dairy in our American diet (along with processed foods), that it is likely a good idea to keep those foods at a minimum for any children that may come into my life. (Though I may have to pry the cheese out of my husband's dead, lifeless hands like Charlton Heston's rifle.)
And so, what does that mean for the future generations of the Viola.s and Grillo.s?
What it means is that we won't be having:
Gravy
Spaghetti
Linguini
Fusilli
"Macaroni" (what we called anything that wasn't long pasta)
Stuffed Shells
Italian bread
Garlic bread
Pizza
Chicken Parm
Eggplant Parm
...
the list goes on.
And trust me, unless the EXACT same ingredients are used, in the EXACT way, it just is NOT the same. So, gluten-free/dairy-free alternatives will not cut it when it comes to recreating a family staple.
These are the foods I lived on growing up. And quite possibly, these are the foods that, when given in overload, caused intolerances in me. I do not want to do that to my children.
But I feel like I'll be robbing them of the joy of Italian cuisine - the joy of my family's talent.
It is so hard.
Man. Now I am really craving eggplant parm.
There'd better be no food intolerances in heaven :) Grandma, start cooking now, cuz I am going to FEAST like no other when I get up there!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Mary, Undoer of Knots Novena
I will be starting this Novena tomorrow, June 22nd, and ending on June 30th. There are many knots in my life right now, most of which all of my regular readers already know about, but some that are also more private knots. I ask you all, if you have the time, to please join me in prayer over the next 9 days in this Novena. I've copied everything from the website here below:
Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots
Unfailing Novena To The Virgin Mary Untier of Knots
How this devotion started?
To show us the mission granted to the Virgin Mary by Her Son, an artist Johann Melchior Georg Schmittdner painted Mary Undoer of Knots with great grace. Since 1700, his painting has been venerated in the Church of St. Peter in Perlack, Augsburg, Germany. It was originally inspired by a meditation of Saint Irenaeus (Bishop of Lyon and martyred in 202) based on the parallel made by Saint Paul between Adam and Christ. Saint Irenaeus, in turn, made a comparison between Eve and Mary, saying:“Eve, by her disobedience, tied the knot of disgrace for the human race; whereas Mary, by her obedience, undid it”.
But what are these knots?
There are the problems and struggles we face for which we do not see any solution … knots of discord in your family, lack of understanding between parents and children, disrespect, violence, the knots of deep hurts between husband and wife, the absence of peace and joy at home. There are also the knots of anguish and despair of separated couples, the dissolution of the family, the knots of a drug addict son or daughter, sick or separated from home or God, knots of alcoholism, the practice of abortion, depression, unemployment, fear, solitude…Ah, the knots of our life! How they suffocate the soul, beat us down and betray the heart’s joy and separate us from God.
Day after day, more and more Christians kneel to pray to Her as soon as they meet the Mother of the Fair Love. Many families have become reconciled! Many diseases have been healed! Many spouses have returned to the Church! Many jobs have been given! Many conversions have taken place! Many Catholics have been on their knees praying and giving thanks for graces received from our sweet Mother. For that reason, Mary Who undoes the knots, Who was chosen by God to crush the evil with Her feet, comes to us to reveal Herself. She comes to provide jobs, good health, to reconcile families, because She wants to undo the knots of our sins which dominate our lives, so that – as sons of the King – we can receive the promises reserved for us from eternity. She comes with promises of victory, peace, blessings and reconciliation.
Then, free from our knots – filled with happiness, we can be a testimony of the Divine Power in this world, like pieces of God’s heart or small bottles of perfume exhaling mercy and love to our neighbor. Like ambassador of Jesus Christ and the Virgin of the fair love, we can rescue those who cry without any consolation, those who are lonely, tied with knots, who have no God, no Father nor Mother.
Mother of the Rising Sun, Immaculate, our Advocate, Helper in moments of affliction, Mother of God and made by Him our Mother, this is how Mary, Undoer of Knots is presented. Above all, She comes as the Queen of Mercy, the one who knows all about us, who has compassion for us and hurries to rescue us, praying for each one of us to Her beloved Jesus.
(source: http://www.maryundoerofknots.com/history.htm)
For more information on this beautiful devotion:
http://www.desatadora.com.ar/titulo-i.htm
http://www.mariequidefaitlesnoeuds.com/GB/index
The Novena has the Cardinal ecclesiastical approval, receiving the "NIHIL OBSTAT and IMPRIMATUR
Imprimatur Paris Archdiocese
Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots - Day 1
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
Oh my God I am heartily sorry for having offended you. I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell. But most of all, because I offended you, oh my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 1
Dearest Holy Mother, Most Holy Mary, you undo the knots that suffocate your children, extend your merciful hands to me. I entrust to You today this knot....and all the negative consequences that it provokes in my life. I give you this knot that torments me and makes me unhappy and so impedes me from uniting myself to You and Your Son Jesus, my Savior.
I run to You, Mary, Undoer of Knots because I trust you and I know that you never despise a sinning child who comes to ask you for help. I believe that you can undo this knot because Jesus grants you everything. I believe that you want to undo this knot because you are my Mother. I believe that You will do this because you love me with eternal love.
Thank you, Dear Mother.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
The one who seeks grace, finds it in Mary's hands.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 2
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 2
Mary, Beloved Mother, channel of all grace, I return to You today my heart, recognizing that I am a sinner in need of your help. Many times I lose the graces you grant me because of my sins of egoism, pride, rancor and my lack of generosity and humility. I turn to You today, Mary, Undoer of knots, for You to ask your Son Jesus to grant me a pure, divested, humble and trusting heart. I will live today practicing these virtues and offering you this as a sign of my love for You. I entrust into Your hands this knot (...describe) which keeps me from reflecting the glory of God.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Mary offered all the moments of her day to God.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 3
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 3
Meditating Mother, Queen of heaven, in whose hands the treasures of the King are found, turn your merciful eyes upon me today. I entrust into your holy hands this knot in my life...and allthe rancor and resentment it has caused in me. I ask Your forgiveness, God teh Father, for my sin. Help me now to forgive all the persons who consciously or unconsciously provoked this knot. Give me, also, the grace to forgive me for having provoked this knot. Only in this way can You undo it. Before You, dearest Mother, and in the name of Your Son Jesus, my Savior, who has suffered so many offenses, having been granted forgiveness, I now forgive these persons...and myself, forever. Thank you, Mary, Undoer of Knots for undoing the knot of rancor in my heart and the knot which I now present to you. Amen.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Turn to Mary, you who desire grace.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary Undoer of Knots - Day 4
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 4
Dearest Holy Mother, you are generous with all who seek you, have mercy on me. I entrust into your hands this knot which robs the peace of my heart, paralyzes my soul and keeps me from going to my Lord and serving Him with my life.
Undo this knot in my love...., O mother, and ask Jesus to heal my paralytic faith which gets down hearted with the stones on the road. Along with you, dearest Mother, may I see these stones as friends. Not murmuring against them anymore but giving endless thanks for them, may I smile trustingly in your power.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Mary is the Sun and no one is deprived of her warmth.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 5
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 5
Mother, Undoer of Knots, generous and compassionate, I come to You today to once again entrust this knot...in my life to you and to ask the divine wisdom to undo, under the light of the Holy Spirit, this snarl of problems. No one ever saw you angry; to the contrary, your words were so charged with sweetness that the Holy Spirit was manifested on your lips. Take away from me the bitterness, anger and hatred which this knot has caused me. Give me, o dearest Mother, some of the sweetness and wisdom that is all silently reflected in your heart. And just as you were present at Pentecost, ask Jesus to send me a new presence of the Holy Spirit at this moment in my life. Holy Spirit, come upon me!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Mary, with God, is powerful.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 6
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 6
Queen of Mercy, I entrust to you this knot in my life...and I ask you to give me a heart that is patient until you undo it. Teach me to persevere in the living word of Jesus, in the Eucharist, the Sacrament of Confession; stay with me and perpare my heart to celebrate with the angels the grace that will be granted to me. Amen! Alleluia!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
You are beautiful, Mary, and there is no stain of sin in You.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 71. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 7
Mother Most Pure, I come to You today to beg you to undo this knot in my life...and free me from the snares of Evil. God has granted you great power over all the demons. I renounce all of them today, every connection I have had with them and I proclaim Jesus as my one and only Lord and Savior. Mary, Undoer of Knots, crush the Evil One's head and destroy the traps he has set for me by this knot. Thank you, dearest Mother. Most Precious Blood of Jesus, free me!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
You are the glory of Jerusalem, the joy of our people.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 8 1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 8
Virgin Mother of God, overflowing with mercy, have mercy on your child and undo this knot...in my life. I need your visit to my life, like you visited Isabel. Bring me Jesus, bring me the Holy Spirit. Teach me to practice the virtues of courage, joyfulness, humility and faith, and, like Isabel, to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Make me joyfully rest on your bosom, Mary. I consecrate you as my mother, Queen and friend. I give you my heart and everything I have (my home and family, my material and spiritual goods.) I am yours forever. Put your heart in me so that I can do everything Jesus tells me.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Let us go, therefore, full of trust, to the throne of grace.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 91. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 9
Most Holy Mary, our Advocate, Undoer of Knots, I come today to thank you for undoing this knot in my life...You know very well the suffering it has caused me. Thank you for coming, Mother, with your long fingers of mercy to dry the tears in my eyes; you receive me in your arms and make it possible for me to receive once again the divine grace.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, dearest Mother, I thank you for undoing the knots in my life. Wrap me in your mantle of love, keep me under your protection, enlighten me with your peace! Amen.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots
Unfailing Novena To The Virgin Mary Untier of Knots
How this devotion started?
To show us the mission granted to the Virgin Mary by Her Son, an artist Johann Melchior Georg Schmittdner painted Mary Undoer of Knots with great grace. Since 1700, his painting has been venerated in the Church of St. Peter in Perlack, Augsburg, Germany. It was originally inspired by a meditation of Saint Irenaeus (Bishop of Lyon and martyred in 202) based on the parallel made by Saint Paul between Adam and Christ. Saint Irenaeus, in turn, made a comparison between Eve and Mary, saying:“Eve, by her disobedience, tied the knot of disgrace for the human race; whereas Mary, by her obedience, undid it”.
But what are these knots?
There are the problems and struggles we face for which we do not see any solution … knots of discord in your family, lack of understanding between parents and children, disrespect, violence, the knots of deep hurts between husband and wife, the absence of peace and joy at home. There are also the knots of anguish and despair of separated couples, the dissolution of the family, the knots of a drug addict son or daughter, sick or separated from home or God, knots of alcoholism, the practice of abortion, depression, unemployment, fear, solitude…Ah, the knots of our life! How they suffocate the soul, beat us down and betray the heart’s joy and separate us from God.
Day after day, more and more Christians kneel to pray to Her as soon as they meet the Mother of the Fair Love. Many families have become reconciled! Many diseases have been healed! Many spouses have returned to the Church! Many jobs have been given! Many conversions have taken place! Many Catholics have been on their knees praying and giving thanks for graces received from our sweet Mother. For that reason, Mary Who undoes the knots, Who was chosen by God to crush the evil with Her feet, comes to us to reveal Herself. She comes to provide jobs, good health, to reconcile families, because She wants to undo the knots of our sins which dominate our lives, so that – as sons of the King – we can receive the promises reserved for us from eternity. She comes with promises of victory, peace, blessings and reconciliation.
Then, free from our knots – filled with happiness, we can be a testimony of the Divine Power in this world, like pieces of God’s heart or small bottles of perfume exhaling mercy and love to our neighbor. Like ambassador of Jesus Christ and the Virgin of the fair love, we can rescue those who cry without any consolation, those who are lonely, tied with knots, who have no God, no Father nor Mother.
Mother of the Rising Sun, Immaculate, our Advocate, Helper in moments of affliction, Mother of God and made by Him our Mother, this is how Mary, Undoer of Knots is presented. Above all, She comes as the Queen of Mercy, the one who knows all about us, who has compassion for us and hurries to rescue us, praying for each one of us to Her beloved Jesus.
(source: http://www.maryundoerofknots.com/history.htm)
For more information on this beautiful devotion:
http://www.desatadora.com.ar/titulo-i.htm
http://www.mariequidefaitlesnoeuds.com/GB/index
The Novena has the Cardinal ecclesiastical approval, receiving the "NIHIL OBSTAT and IMPRIMATUR
Imprimatur Paris Archdiocese
Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots - Day 1
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
Oh my God I am heartily sorry for having offended you. I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell. But most of all, because I offended you, oh my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 1
Dearest Holy Mother, Most Holy Mary, you undo the knots that suffocate your children, extend your merciful hands to me. I entrust to You today this knot....and all the negative consequences that it provokes in my life. I give you this knot that torments me and makes me unhappy and so impedes me from uniting myself to You and Your Son Jesus, my Savior.
I run to You, Mary, Undoer of Knots because I trust you and I know that you never despise a sinning child who comes to ask you for help. I believe that you can undo this knot because Jesus grants you everything. I believe that you want to undo this knot because you are my Mother. I believe that You will do this because you love me with eternal love.
Thank you, Dear Mother.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
The one who seeks grace, finds it in Mary's hands.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 2
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 2
Mary, Beloved Mother, channel of all grace, I return to You today my heart, recognizing that I am a sinner in need of your help. Many times I lose the graces you grant me because of my sins of egoism, pride, rancor and my lack of generosity and humility. I turn to You today, Mary, Undoer of knots, for You to ask your Son Jesus to grant me a pure, divested, humble and trusting heart. I will live today practicing these virtues and offering you this as a sign of my love for You. I entrust into Your hands this knot (...describe) which keeps me from reflecting the glory of God.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Mary offered all the moments of her day to God.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 3
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 3
Meditating Mother, Queen of heaven, in whose hands the treasures of the King are found, turn your merciful eyes upon me today. I entrust into your holy hands this knot in my life...and allthe rancor and resentment it has caused in me. I ask Your forgiveness, God teh Father, for my sin. Help me now to forgive all the persons who consciously or unconsciously provoked this knot. Give me, also, the grace to forgive me for having provoked this knot. Only in this way can You undo it. Before You, dearest Mother, and in the name of Your Son Jesus, my Savior, who has suffered so many offenses, having been granted forgiveness, I now forgive these persons...and myself, forever. Thank you, Mary, Undoer of Knots for undoing the knot of rancor in my heart and the knot which I now present to you. Amen.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Turn to Mary, you who desire grace.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary Undoer of Knots - Day 4
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 4
Dearest Holy Mother, you are generous with all who seek you, have mercy on me. I entrust into your hands this knot which robs the peace of my heart, paralyzes my soul and keeps me from going to my Lord and serving Him with my life.
Undo this knot in my love...., O mother, and ask Jesus to heal my paralytic faith which gets down hearted with the stones on the road. Along with you, dearest Mother, may I see these stones as friends. Not murmuring against them anymore but giving endless thanks for them, may I smile trustingly in your power.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Mary is the Sun and no one is deprived of her warmth.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 5
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 5
Mother, Undoer of Knots, generous and compassionate, I come to You today to once again entrust this knot...in my life to you and to ask the divine wisdom to undo, under the light of the Holy Spirit, this snarl of problems. No one ever saw you angry; to the contrary, your words were so charged with sweetness that the Holy Spirit was manifested on your lips. Take away from me the bitterness, anger and hatred which this knot has caused me. Give me, o dearest Mother, some of the sweetness and wisdom that is all silently reflected in your heart. And just as you were present at Pentecost, ask Jesus to send me a new presence of the Holy Spirit at this moment in my life. Holy Spirit, come upon me!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Mary, with God, is powerful.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 6
1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 6
Queen of Mercy, I entrust to you this knot in my life...and I ask you to give me a heart that is patient until you undo it. Teach me to persevere in the living word of Jesus, in the Eucharist, the Sacrament of Confession; stay with me and perpare my heart to celebrate with the angels the grace that will be granted to me. Amen! Alleluia!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
You are beautiful, Mary, and there is no stain of sin in You.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 71. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 7
Mother Most Pure, I come to You today to beg you to undo this knot in my life...and free me from the snares of Evil. God has granted you great power over all the demons. I renounce all of them today, every connection I have had with them and I proclaim Jesus as my one and only Lord and Savior. Mary, Undoer of Knots, crush the Evil One's head and destroy the traps he has set for me by this knot. Thank you, dearest Mother. Most Precious Blood of Jesus, free me!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
You are the glory of Jerusalem, the joy of our people.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 8 1. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 8
Virgin Mother of God, overflowing with mercy, have mercy on your child and undo this knot...in my life. I need your visit to my life, like you visited Isabel. Bring me Jesus, bring me the Holy Spirit. Teach me to practice the virtues of courage, joyfulness, humility and faith, and, like Isabel, to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Make me joyfully rest on your bosom, Mary. I consecrate you as my mother, Queen and friend. I give you my heart and everything I have (my home and family, my material and spiritual goods.) I am yours forever. Put your heart in me so that I can do everything Jesus tells me.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
Let us go, therefore, full of trust, to the throne of grace.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots - Day 91. Make the sign of the cross
2. Say the Act of Contrition. Ask pardon for your sins and make a firm promise not to commit them again.
3. Say the first 3 decades of the Rosary.
4. Make the meditation of the day (to be posted each day)
5. Say the last 2 decades of the rosary
6. Finish with the Prayer to Our Lady the Undoer of Knots
Meditation for Day 9
Most Holy Mary, our Advocate, Undoer of Knots, I come today to thank you for undoing this knot in my life...You know very well the suffering it has caused me. Thank you for coming, Mother, with your long fingers of mercy to dry the tears in my eyes; you receive me in your arms and make it possible for me to receive once again the divine grace.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, dearest Mother, I thank you for undoing the knots in my life. Wrap me in your mantle of love, keep me under your protection, enlighten me with your peace! Amen.
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
PRAYER TO MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS (Closing Prayer)
Virgin Mary, Mother of fair love, Mother who never refuses to come to the aid of a child in need, Mother whose hands never cease to serve your beloved children because they are moved by the divine love and immense mercy that exists in your heart, cast your compassionate eyes upon me and see the snarl of knots that exist in my life.
You know very well how desperate I am, my pain and how I am bound by these knots.
Mary, Mother to whom God entrusted the undoing of the knots in the lives of his children, I entrust into your hands the ribbon of my life.
No one, not even the Evil One himself, can take it away from your precious care. In your hands there is no knot that cannot be undone.
Powerful Mother, by your grace and intercessory power with Your Son and My Liberator, Jesus, take into your hands today this knot...I beg you to undo it for the glory of God, once for all, You are my hope.
O my Lady, you are the only consolation God gives me, the fortification of my feeble strength, the enrichment of my destitution and with Christ the freedom from my chains.
Hear my plea.
Keep me, guide me, protect me, o safe refuge!
Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me
Sunday, June 19, 2011
A Delayed Emotional Response
I may be having a delayed emotional response to the therapy. Or, perhaps I'm just being more pensive than usual and letting things get to me.
I'm beginning to realize just how many children could have been members of our family at this point. From May 2007, we could have had one, two, three, or even four biological children. And from June 2009, we could have been matched and placed with ANY one of the adoptive children with our agency. I try not to think about this fact for obvious reasons, but sometimes it just stares me in the face and I wonder what is it all for? I see the blessing in our infertility (or rather, blessings plural). I just can't see any blessings in our not being able to adopt or foster.
Today, my husband could have been, SHOULD have been celebrating his first or even second Father's Day, had we been approved to adopt in June 2009. It breaks my heart that for whatever reason, God decided those children were not meant to be ours.
I've been praying and trying very hard to get to a place where childless living can be full of love and joy and peace for us, at all times, not just sporadically. But I think as long as my heart beats, it will beat for the children who will never call me "Mommy."
It may not help that I'm pretty sure I already ovulated, and I was basically dry this entire cycle with the exception of some crummy mucus that may have been seminal fluid. This cycle is definately not a good one.
Shoot, I really hope this is an emotional release from the therapy, and not my newfound crappy attitude :(
I'm beginning to realize just how many children could have been members of our family at this point. From May 2007, we could have had one, two, three, or even four biological children. And from June 2009, we could have been matched and placed with ANY one of the adoptive children with our agency. I try not to think about this fact for obvious reasons, but sometimes it just stares me in the face and I wonder what is it all for? I see the blessing in our infertility (or rather, blessings plural). I just can't see any blessings in our not being able to adopt or foster.
Today, my husband could have been, SHOULD have been celebrating his first or even second Father's Day, had we been approved to adopt in June 2009. It breaks my heart that for whatever reason, God decided those children were not meant to be ours.
I've been praying and trying very hard to get to a place where childless living can be full of love and joy and peace for us, at all times, not just sporadically. But I think as long as my heart beats, it will beat for the children who will never call me "Mommy."
It may not help that I'm pretty sure I already ovulated, and I was basically dry this entire cycle with the exception of some crummy mucus that may have been seminal fluid. This cycle is definately not a good one.
Shoot, I really hope this is an emotional release from the therapy, and not my newfound crappy attitude :(
Friday, June 17, 2011
Undoing Knots
I figured this is a good blog post title for today for a few reasons. Obviously I am hoping that this Clear Passage treatment undid many of the knots preventing my reproductive organs from functioning as they should. I am also hoping that the HUGE knots preventing us from adopting will begin to unravel, starting with a good outcome at the next court date on June 30th. So, I've decided to start a Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots again (yes, I've done this Novena before, several times) - but maybe more earnestly this time around.
Today's final treatment sessions were very emotional for me. It was both sad and scary to think that this is it. The end. There are NO other treatments I have not yet tried, and if this doesn't work, I will never conceive. I am hopeful but overwhelmed with fear all at the same time.
Both E and K were SO wonderful this week, and my last treatment of the day was scheduled with K (aka Stubby). As I gave E a hug goodbye, I got choked up. After all, she knows me intimately after this week. Aside from having a good working knowledge of my rectum and cervix, we also spoke a lot about our adoption issues. As K was finishing up the final session of the day, she felt that one of my large restrictions was on the cusp of letting up, and she asked if I could stick around for a while. OF COURSE I CAN! She had a phone consult to do at 4:00pm, so she stepped out for a bit, and then suddenly E came back in the room! She said she was on her way out when K told her she was going to do some more work on me, and she decided to stay and also treat me some more :) Yay!!
It's a good thing I got that last hour in, too, because I felt things in that hour that I hadn't felt all week long. When the pain got so intense from stretching the band of adhesion, it shot right into my spinal cord. Then, suddenly my lower pelvic area and legs were AFLAME! That happened about 3-4 times while working on my very stubborn restriction around the doudenojejunal junction (DJ junction), descending down and medially to the pubis. Then at a certain point I even felt my face get very hot and flushed. She said there were certainly areas that were still slightly restricted, but that the majority of that area is much, much better.
And now onto the good stuff.
I asked K (who has been working at Clear Passage for a long time) what is the typical timeframe for most people in having success achieving pregnancy after treatment. (E had told me that while she has been there, no one has conceived the same cycle as treatment.) K, however, said that there have been some cases of people conceiving the same week as treatment, and that MOST pregnancies occur by 14 months after treatment. She said the longest she's seen was 4 years, but that was one rare instance.
I am determined to be the first one E has seen get pregnant the week of treatment!!
I have been sent home with many exercises that I need to do every day, and also DH has been trained how to manipulate my abdominal organs and work out restrictions that shouldn't be there. (He was good at it, too! I think being a Chef lends itself nicely to knowing how to distinguish the feel and consistency of things, if that makes sense.) We got to pick out a massage tool to help me work on myself (they gave it to me for free!) and then I also asked if I could have the leftover Pre-Seed in the almost-empty bottle to use this weekend ;) She gave me a full bottle!
I can't say enough about how very nice they were. I gave them, as they requested, the links for FertilityCare.com and NaProTechnology.com, as well as Dr Hilger's new book on medical and surgical NaPro (available at Amazon). K brought in someone's Creighton chart to show me!! Apparently the patient had brought color copies of her Creighton chart and explained a little bit about how it worked to K during her treatment! Hahaha!
It will feel odd not being poked and prodded tomorrow. This week was such a healing week, and my body (and mind) are still processing a lot of it. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this to share with you next week.
In any event, I will be starting my Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots, on June 22nd, to end on June 30th. June 30th is also when my 30-Day Novena to St Joseph will end. June 30th is the date of the court proceeding deciding if DH got PTI. I will take my Ultrasound Physics Registry Exam on June 30th. And, if things go accordingly, I will also be able to take a home pregnancy test on June 30th. Should be an interesting day, to say the least.
I'll post the Novena here on the 22nd for anyone who would like to join me.
Gotta run, I am meeting up with MTA and her hubby tonight for dinner in Gainesville, AS WELL AS a dear friend from the C.atholic F.ertility Yah.oo group who is miraculously pg after 10 years of primary IF (and going through Dr Kwak-Kim treatment unsuccessfully, like me) :) Can't wait to meet her!
Today's final treatment sessions were very emotional for me. It was both sad and scary to think that this is it. The end. There are NO other treatments I have not yet tried, and if this doesn't work, I will never conceive. I am hopeful but overwhelmed with fear all at the same time.
Both E and K were SO wonderful this week, and my last treatment of the day was scheduled with K (aka Stubby). As I gave E a hug goodbye, I got choked up. After all, she knows me intimately after this week. Aside from having a good working knowledge of my rectum and cervix, we also spoke a lot about our adoption issues. As K was finishing up the final session of the day, she felt that one of my large restrictions was on the cusp of letting up, and she asked if I could stick around for a while. OF COURSE I CAN! She had a phone consult to do at 4:00pm, so she stepped out for a bit, and then suddenly E came back in the room! She said she was on her way out when K told her she was going to do some more work on me, and she decided to stay and also treat me some more :) Yay!!
It's a good thing I got that last hour in, too, because I felt things in that hour that I hadn't felt all week long. When the pain got so intense from stretching the band of adhesion, it shot right into my spinal cord. Then, suddenly my lower pelvic area and legs were AFLAME! That happened about 3-4 times while working on my very stubborn restriction around the doudenojejunal junction (DJ junction), descending down and medially to the pubis. Then at a certain point I even felt my face get very hot and flushed. She said there were certainly areas that were still slightly restricted, but that the majority of that area is much, much better.
And now onto the good stuff.
I asked K (who has been working at Clear Passage for a long time) what is the typical timeframe for most people in having success achieving pregnancy after treatment. (E had told me that while she has been there, no one has conceived the same cycle as treatment.) K, however, said that there have been some cases of people conceiving the same week as treatment, and that MOST pregnancies occur by 14 months after treatment. She said the longest she's seen was 4 years, but that was one rare instance.
I am determined to be the first one E has seen get pregnant the week of treatment!!
I have been sent home with many exercises that I need to do every day, and also DH has been trained how to manipulate my abdominal organs and work out restrictions that shouldn't be there. (He was good at it, too! I think being a Chef lends itself nicely to knowing how to distinguish the feel and consistency of things, if that makes sense.) We got to pick out a massage tool to help me work on myself (they gave it to me for free!) and then I also asked if I could have the leftover Pre-Seed in the almost-empty bottle to use this weekend ;) She gave me a full bottle!
I can't say enough about how very nice they were. I gave them, as they requested, the links for FertilityCare.com and NaProTechnology.com, as well as Dr Hilger's new book on medical and surgical NaPro (available at Amazon). K brought in someone's Creighton chart to show me!! Apparently the patient had brought color copies of her Creighton chart and explained a little bit about how it worked to K during her treatment! Hahaha!
It will feel odd not being poked and prodded tomorrow. This week was such a healing week, and my body (and mind) are still processing a lot of it. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this to share with you next week.
In any event, I will be starting my Novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots, on June 22nd, to end on June 30th. June 30th is also when my 30-Day Novena to St Joseph will end. June 30th is the date of the court proceeding deciding if DH got PTI. I will take my Ultrasound Physics Registry Exam on June 30th. And, if things go accordingly, I will also be able to take a home pregnancy test on June 30th. Should be an interesting day, to say the least.
I'll post the Novena here on the 22nd for anyone who would like to join me.
Gotta run, I am meeting up with MTA and her hubby tonight for dinner in Gainesville, AS WELL AS a dear friend from the C.atholic F.ertility Yah.oo group who is miraculously pg after 10 years of primary IF (and going through Dr Kwak-Kim treatment unsuccessfully, like me) :) Can't wait to meet her!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Day 4 Clear Passage and Comments
Ugh, I am SO TIRED of Blogger messing with my comments on some of my favorite blogs!! I must apologize, namely to Misfit and Martha Trying to Be Mary, for having SO MUCH to say to you and not being able to!!
Martha, here's what I just tried to comment on your latest wonderful news:
I had a feeling there would be a celebration in Mexico City today :)
The Magnificat was sung as a Responsorial Psalm at our wedding, and I can think of no better time to repeat the wonderful chorus than on this very happy day! Congratulations, E!!
And Misfit, I unfortunately didn't cut and paste what I wanted to write on your last few posts..,. but trust me, it was perfectly eloquent and appropriate.
In other news, I survived Day 4 of Clear Passage, the last part of which involved some soothing rectal massage (and yes, I'm being facetious). I am in general feeling very sore today, but as they were manipulating a lot of the areas of restriction today, the specific areas were feeling a lot better and "looser." I kid you not, I am ALWAYS complaining about my beer gut (and I don't drink beer) - just ask Sew - it seems like every day of my cycle I am so extremely bloated and my belly is extended. Today, I see a huge difference. DH sees it, too. Pretty amazing stuff.
Today I asked the therapist why it may be that I haven't experienced the intense emotional response that many people have during adhesion release. She said that it doesn't happen to everyone, and that quite possibly, I may be better than most people at processing my emotions as they come, and not repressing them. That actually seems very likely to me. I didn't always used to be that way, but infertility has humbled me in ways I never thought possible, so that now I rarely have unforeseen meltdowns. Thank God for my blog and all of you, because I'm sure blogging has been one of if not the largest emotional outlet for me over the past 3 years.
I'm heading out on the town to listen to live jazz music, so I'll check back in tomorrow.
Martha, here's what I just tried to comment on your latest wonderful news:
I had a feeling there would be a celebration in Mexico City today :)
The Magnificat was sung as a Responsorial Psalm at our wedding, and I can think of no better time to repeat the wonderful chorus than on this very happy day! Congratulations, E!!
And Misfit, I unfortunately didn't cut and paste what I wanted to write on your last few posts..,. but trust me, it was perfectly eloquent and appropriate.
In other news, I survived Day 4 of Clear Passage, the last part of which involved some soothing rectal massage (and yes, I'm being facetious). I am in general feeling very sore today, but as they were manipulating a lot of the areas of restriction today, the specific areas were feeling a lot better and "looser." I kid you not, I am ALWAYS complaining about my beer gut (and I don't drink beer) - just ask Sew - it seems like every day of my cycle I am so extremely bloated and my belly is extended. Today, I see a huge difference. DH sees it, too. Pretty amazing stuff.
Today I asked the therapist why it may be that I haven't experienced the intense emotional response that many people have during adhesion release. She said that it doesn't happen to everyone, and that quite possibly, I may be better than most people at processing my emotions as they come, and not repressing them. That actually seems very likely to me. I didn't always used to be that way, but infertility has humbled me in ways I never thought possible, so that now I rarely have unforeseen meltdowns. Thank God for my blog and all of you, because I'm sure blogging has been one of if not the largest emotional outlet for me over the past 3 years.
I'm heading out on the town to listen to live jazz music, so I'll check back in tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Clear Passage Day 3
Another brief update, not because I have any pressing business to attend to, but because I'm not feeling so hot.
The therapy is going great. But it's definitely not all warm and fuzzy feeling all the time. Actually, maybe less than 5% of the time does it actually feel GOOD. But I am reminded by the therapists that the intense pressure and even pain indicates to them where spots need to be worked on. For example, they worked today on a lot of diaphragm restriction that I (apparently) have, but not directly on the diaphragm. They found a connecting line down on the liver, near the gall bladder, and it was all honkey-dorey until I tried to take a deep breath and thought I was being stabbed through the liver. The therapist was happy (and she was the only one), because this meant that she was on the "right" spot. She told me to continue breathing through it as much as possible.
Of course, at any time that I find the pressure to be too intense to handle, I tell them. They said it won't help me to endure it just for the sake of doing what I think is best, because then my tissue will actually work against them by tensing up. DH says I do this all the time - just endure pain and not speak up about it, so I've been working on that this week ;)
Another particularly tight area on my body are my sides, all the way from my shoulders to my lower pelvis. When they worked on those it felt like someone had given me a very weak local anaesthetic and was cutting me open with scissors from hip to ribcage. Lovely :)
The internal work is mostly geared towards softening my cervix, which was very tight/adhesed to begin with. After each internal session, the therapist remarks that she feels a lot of progress. Well, that's because my cervix is an overachiever, thankyouverymuch. You go, girl.
I have been experiencing a few constant dull headaches after treatment, which they also said is common due to the increased flow of blood to the brain.
Other than that, not much to report.
Here's a picture I sent Sew after yesterday's treatment:
Looks like Shelby's been running nails up her belly.
The therapy is going great. But it's definitely not all warm and fuzzy feeling all the time. Actually, maybe less than 5% of the time does it actually feel GOOD. But I am reminded by the therapists that the intense pressure and even pain indicates to them where spots need to be worked on. For example, they worked today on a lot of diaphragm restriction that I (apparently) have, but not directly on the diaphragm. They found a connecting line down on the liver, near the gall bladder, and it was all honkey-dorey until I tried to take a deep breath and thought I was being stabbed through the liver. The therapist was happy (and she was the only one), because this meant that she was on the "right" spot. She told me to continue breathing through it as much as possible.
Of course, at any time that I find the pressure to be too intense to handle, I tell them. They said it won't help me to endure it just for the sake of doing what I think is best, because then my tissue will actually work against them by tensing up. DH says I do this all the time - just endure pain and not speak up about it, so I've been working on that this week ;)
Another particularly tight area on my body are my sides, all the way from my shoulders to my lower pelvis. When they worked on those it felt like someone had given me a very weak local anaesthetic and was cutting me open with scissors from hip to ribcage. Lovely :)
The internal work is mostly geared towards softening my cervix, which was very tight/adhesed to begin with. After each internal session, the therapist remarks that she feels a lot of progress. Well, that's because my cervix is an overachiever, thankyouverymuch. You go, girl.
I have been experiencing a few constant dull headaches after treatment, which they also said is common due to the increased flow of blood to the brain.
Other than that, not much to report.
Here's a picture I sent Sew after yesterday's treatment:
Looks like Shelby's been running nails up her belly.
Monday, June 13, 2011
St Augustine, Blogger Meeting, and Day 1 of Clear Passage
I'm going to have to keep this short because I'm exhausted, but I did want to post some pictures from St Augustine. Yesterday after Mass, DH and I drove 2 hours to St Augustine, where the first Marian shrine is located (Our Lady of La Leche, often invoked for prayers for motherhood and healthy pregnancies). I remember my Creighton Model Practitioner telling me about visiting the shrine, and I was so excited to be able to finally get there!
And another great part was that I finally got to meet "More Than Anything" and her husband! They were so, so sweet, and aside from Mr MTA being a Red Sox fan (blech!) they were perfectly awesome in every way ;)
Here are some pictures from the trip:
This is the Cross on the ground of the shrine, to commemorate the place where the first Catholic Mass was celebrated in the new world. The cross can be seen 25 miles from sea. It's ginormous, the pictures does it NO justice.
Here is a mosaic of Our Lady of Guadalupe (who will forever hold a special place in my heart, thanks to E from "A Martha Trying to Be Mary.")
You can't see it in this picture, but off to the left was the TINIEST little sign with an arrow pointing behind this mosaic, which read, "Juan Diego." So, we walked around to the back and this is what we saw:
Here is a statue of a very malnourished St Joseph (don't ya think?!)
And here is the shrine (in a tiny chapel covered in ivy):
Mr and Mrs TCIE
The shrine was so humble and beautiful. I LOVED it there.
After our time at the Shrine (and the gift shop, which was equally as wonderful, in particular the small statues of Jesus playing football and practicing karate), we went to a lovely dinner with the MTAs, then walked through part of the historic center of town. Here are some pictures from the inside of the St Augustine Basilica:
Infant of Prague at the side chapel
Here we are lighting a candle in front of St Joseph - praying for PTI to come through at the end of the month. Didn't realize the sneaky MTAs were taking a picture ;)
So today I had my first therapy session at Clear Passage. I immediately knew I was in the right place at the right time. This place is wonderful. The therapists are awesome (including Stubby), and even knew about the Creighton Model and NaPro Technology! We spoke a lot about fertility treatments (the real "treatment" treatments, not the ones they CALL treatments that don't actually fix anything), and it was refreshing to speak with women who have the same mindset about holistic approaches to healthcare. Right off the bat, I noticed KY Jelly and Femmeglide on one of the desks in the treatment room, and I asked the therapist if she would mind NOT using those for the internal part of my massage, and instead using water for lubrication. She said, "Oh, I can certainly use water if you'd like, but we also have Pre-Seed for those who are near ovulation." OK, yes, I love this place.
I did have some internal therapy today, and it wasn't bad at all. There was pressure but no pain. I think after the Dr S special pelvic exam, I was ready for the worst ;) Actually, parts of the external massage were much more uncomfortable than the internal, and I was warned that I may feel like my skin was tearing, like I was being poked with hot pokers, and burning sensations. I may even feel like they are poking me after therapy is finished for the day (they said others have experienced this and while it may be weird, it's normal). What's interesting is that through the initial assessment and treatments from today, they've ascertained already that the right side of my pelvis and lower abdomen are much more restricted than the left. The reason I find this interesting is that my right ovary is the "lazy" ovary that rarely ovulates on its own. I also had a ton of discomfort right behind the umbilicus, shooting right into my back. This is the site of both laparoscopy incisions.
After treatment today, both therapists said they were already sensing a lot of release - mostly superficially- and that they will be going "deeper" through the week.
More throughout the week, I'm off to go drink tons of water (a requirement of theirs) and watch some tv.
Happy Feast Day of St Anthony!
And another great part was that I finally got to meet "More Than Anything" and her husband! They were so, so sweet, and aside from Mr MTA being a Red Sox fan (blech!) they were perfectly awesome in every way ;)
Here are some pictures from the trip:
This is the Cross on the ground of the shrine, to commemorate the place where the first Catholic Mass was celebrated in the new world. The cross can be seen 25 miles from sea. It's ginormous, the pictures does it NO justice.
Here is a mosaic of Our Lady of Guadalupe (who will forever hold a special place in my heart, thanks to E from "A Martha Trying to Be Mary.")
You can't see it in this picture, but off to the left was the TINIEST little sign with an arrow pointing behind this mosaic, which read, "Juan Diego." So, we walked around to the back and this is what we saw:
Here is a statue of a very malnourished St Joseph (don't ya think?!)
And here is the shrine (in a tiny chapel covered in ivy):
Mr and Mrs TCIE
The shrine was so humble and beautiful. I LOVED it there.
After our time at the Shrine (and the gift shop, which was equally as wonderful, in particular the small statues of Jesus playing football and practicing karate), we went to a lovely dinner with the MTAs, then walked through part of the historic center of town. Here are some pictures from the inside of the St Augustine Basilica:
Here we are lighting a candle in front of St Joseph - praying for PTI to come through at the end of the month. Didn't realize the sneaky MTAs were taking a picture ;)
So today I had my first therapy session at Clear Passage. I immediately knew I was in the right place at the right time. This place is wonderful. The therapists are awesome (including Stubby), and even knew about the Creighton Model and NaPro Technology! We spoke a lot about fertility treatments (the real "treatment" treatments, not the ones they CALL treatments that don't actually fix anything), and it was refreshing to speak with women who have the same mindset about holistic approaches to healthcare. Right off the bat, I noticed KY Jelly and Femmeglide on one of the desks in the treatment room, and I asked the therapist if she would mind NOT using those for the internal part of my massage, and instead using water for lubrication. She said, "Oh, I can certainly use water if you'd like, but we also have Pre-Seed for those who are near ovulation." OK, yes, I love this place.
I did have some internal therapy today, and it wasn't bad at all. There was pressure but no pain. I think after the Dr S special pelvic exam, I was ready for the worst ;) Actually, parts of the external massage were much more uncomfortable than the internal, and I was warned that I may feel like my skin was tearing, like I was being poked with hot pokers, and burning sensations. I may even feel like they are poking me after therapy is finished for the day (they said others have experienced this and while it may be weird, it's normal). What's interesting is that through the initial assessment and treatments from today, they've ascertained already that the right side of my pelvis and lower abdomen are much more restricted than the left. The reason I find this interesting is that my right ovary is the "lazy" ovary that rarely ovulates on its own. I also had a ton of discomfort right behind the umbilicus, shooting right into my back. This is the site of both laparoscopy incisions.
After treatment today, both therapists said they were already sensing a lot of release - mostly superficially- and that they will be going "deeper" through the week.
More throughout the week, I'm off to go drink tons of water (a requirement of theirs) and watch some tv.
Happy Feast Day of St Anthony!
Friday, June 10, 2011
"Why Does Everything Always Happen to ME????!!!"
I put my title in quotes because I feel like Rachel in Friends right about now - in the episode where she is looking for a new pediatrician for her baby girl, asks Ross to give her the name of his old pediatrician, and he tells her that the Dr died. She responds with exacerbation: "Why does everything always happen to ME?!!"
And of course, this is meant to be funny, since she is healthy, her baby is healthy, and the DR is the one who died.
But yesterday, I had the urge to make the same complaint.
Because last night I got a voicemail from Clear Passage Therapy in Gainesville, Florida (where I am traveling to in less than 24 hours), telling me to call them back as soon as possible, and if I got the message later than 6:00pm, to call on the personal cell phone of the receptionist.
Yikes. This couldn't be good.
When I called, the receptionist tells me,
"Well, as you already know, our two founders, Belinda and Larry Wurn, are away on vacation the week of your therapy."
Yes, I did already know this, but decided to still go forward with therapy in spite of not having THE FOUNDER HERSELF treat me for a part of the week's treatment, because otherwise I would have needed to wait another month for the treatment to coincide with my cycle. How it works is, normally all four therapists will take turns treating you for four hours each day. I knew in advance I would only have two.
"I'm very sorry to inform you that one of our therapists, K, cut off the tip of her right index finger last night. Needless to say, her fingers are crucial to the manual work she does, and she will not be at full capacity to treat you next week."
My reaction? WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE???!!!???!!
My actual response? "Oh no! Is she ok?"
She told me that she was indeed ok, and was having grafting surgery the next day. She then said that she wanted to call me first because I was the first person to schedule treatment for this upcoming week, and pending MY decision, she would then alert the other two patients for the week of what they would have to do. If I decided to still go ahead with treatment, knowing that my hours would be more spaced out (to allow the only other therapist remaining, Y, to rest between hours), AND I should also know that K DOES plan on coming in to work and will assist wherever she can, so that in essence, I will end up getting MORE treatment than normal - then she would cancel the other patients for the week. But if I wanted to, I could reschedule and they would certainly reimburse any additional costs that rescheduling may cause me to accrue.
(DH thought they should offer me a free treatment if I rescheduled. If they had, I may have done it.)
But, I decided to go forward with treatment. When we get there, DH is still going to ask them for a discount due to the last minute change of things. I think that's reasonable, don't you?
The thing is- I already got the week off work, trained other ultrasound techs to do the NaPro-specific scans if need be while I'm away (though I'm hoping there won't be any, since I'm sure they'll botch it up), and reserved the hotel, rental car, and flights (thanks again, Beth and Ken!)
I was not about to put this off, unless BOTH therapists accidentally chopped off BOTH of their hands ;)
Let's hope I don't get THAT phone call tonight!
Please pray for successful treatment for me, which will begin Monday, June 13th, the Feast Day of Saint Anthony.
Pray that it will break up every last one of my adhesions, and finally restore my God-given fertility.
I will be sure to give you updates from Florida during the week. I'm also looking forward to meeting up with More Than Anything in St Augustine at the Our Lady of La Leche shrine. MTA, where are you, email me!!!
And of course, this is meant to be funny, since she is healthy, her baby is healthy, and the DR is the one who died.
But yesterday, I had the urge to make the same complaint.
Because last night I got a voicemail from Clear Passage Therapy in Gainesville, Florida (where I am traveling to in less than 24 hours), telling me to call them back as soon as possible, and if I got the message later than 6:00pm, to call on the personal cell phone of the receptionist.
Yikes. This couldn't be good.
When I called, the receptionist tells me,
"Well, as you already know, our two founders, Belinda and Larry Wurn, are away on vacation the week of your therapy."
Yes, I did already know this, but decided to still go forward with therapy in spite of not having THE FOUNDER HERSELF treat me for a part of the week's treatment, because otherwise I would have needed to wait another month for the treatment to coincide with my cycle. How it works is, normally all four therapists will take turns treating you for four hours each day. I knew in advance I would only have two.
"I'm very sorry to inform you that one of our therapists, K, cut off the tip of her right index finger last night. Needless to say, her fingers are crucial to the manual work she does, and she will not be at full capacity to treat you next week."
My reaction? WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE???!!!???!!
My actual response? "Oh no! Is she ok?"
She told me that she was indeed ok, and was having grafting surgery the next day. She then said that she wanted to call me first because I was the first person to schedule treatment for this upcoming week, and pending MY decision, she would then alert the other two patients for the week of what they would have to do. If I decided to still go ahead with treatment, knowing that my hours would be more spaced out (to allow the only other therapist remaining, Y, to rest between hours), AND I should also know that K DOES plan on coming in to work and will assist wherever she can, so that in essence, I will end up getting MORE treatment than normal - then she would cancel the other patients for the week. But if I wanted to, I could reschedule and they would certainly reimburse any additional costs that rescheduling may cause me to accrue.
(DH thought they should offer me a free treatment if I rescheduled. If they had, I may have done it.)
But, I decided to go forward with treatment. When we get there, DH is still going to ask them for a discount due to the last minute change of things. I think that's reasonable, don't you?
The thing is- I already got the week off work, trained other ultrasound techs to do the NaPro-specific scans if need be while I'm away (though I'm hoping there won't be any, since I'm sure they'll botch it up), and reserved the hotel, rental car, and flights (thanks again, Beth and Ken!)
I was not about to put this off, unless BOTH therapists accidentally chopped off BOTH of their hands ;)
Let's hope I don't get THAT phone call tonight!
Please pray for successful treatment for me, which will begin Monday, June 13th, the Feast Day of Saint Anthony.
Pray that it will break up every last one of my adhesions, and finally restore my God-given fertility.
I will be sure to give you updates from Florida during the week. I'm also looking forward to meeting up with More Than Anything in St Augustine at the Our Lady of La Leche shrine. MTA, where are you, email me!!!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Saints Rita and Anthony
Apparently they are my new BFFs :)
My breath was taken away yesterday. First, as I sat in the pews of my hometown parish and listened to my almost-14 year old goddaughter renew her baptismal vows during her Confirmation - and remembered a time not too long ago when I was saying those vows for her, holding her in my arms... wow. Unreal. And so beautiful.
But then, as I glanced around my gorgeous parish, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. There, on the left side of the altar, a giant statue of Saint Anthony. And there, on the right side of the altar, a giant statue of Saint Rita.
Two Saints who I recently discovered to be Patron Saints for Infertility and Barren Women.
Two Saints to whom I've been praying Novenas for just a few weeks.
Two Saints who were with us from the very beginning, quite literally FLANKING us when we were married at that altar 5 years ago.
I have a feeling they will be very powerful in my life from this point on. Our own "St Rita's Roses" told me she thinks Saint Rita's been trying to BFF me ;) I'll take it!
Oh, and speaking of St. Rita's Roses - go share in her happy news if you haven't already!! What a story for the history books! I just love how all of these faithful Catholic women who become mothers through adoption and or who become pregnant have equally miraculous stories - such a testament!
And might I remind you all that on April 28th, 2011 I sat next to St. Rita's Roses and her DH at St Gianna's feast day Mass at her shrine - I prayed for them during the Eucharist.
And on April 28th, 2009, I sat next to All You Who Hope and her DH at St. Gianna's feast day Mass at her shrine - and I prayed for them during the Eucharist.
Coincidence? I think not.
JellyBelly, I know what you're thinking. But I think we missed that loophole of attending Mass together at her shrine on a day OTHER THAN her feast day. You'll just have to come back with me next April 28th.
Anyone else wanna get in on this action?? ;)
My breath was taken away yesterday. First, as I sat in the pews of my hometown parish and listened to my almost-14 year old goddaughter renew her baptismal vows during her Confirmation - and remembered a time not too long ago when I was saying those vows for her, holding her in my arms... wow. Unreal. And so beautiful.
But then, as I glanced around my gorgeous parish, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. There, on the left side of the altar, a giant statue of Saint Anthony. And there, on the right side of the altar, a giant statue of Saint Rita.
Two Saints who I recently discovered to be Patron Saints for Infertility and Barren Women.
Two Saints to whom I've been praying Novenas for just a few weeks.
Two Saints who were with us from the very beginning, quite literally FLANKING us when we were married at that altar 5 years ago.
I have a feeling they will be very powerful in my life from this point on. Our own "St Rita's Roses" told me she thinks Saint Rita's been trying to BFF me ;) I'll take it!
Oh, and speaking of St. Rita's Roses - go share in her happy news if you haven't already!! What a story for the history books! I just love how all of these faithful Catholic women who become mothers through adoption and or who become pregnant have equally miraculous stories - such a testament!
And might I remind you all that on April 28th, 2011 I sat next to St. Rita's Roses and her DH at St Gianna's feast day Mass at her shrine - I prayed for them during the Eucharist.
And on April 28th, 2009, I sat next to All You Who Hope and her DH at St. Gianna's feast day Mass at her shrine - and I prayed for them during the Eucharist.
Coincidence? I think not.
JellyBelly, I know what you're thinking. But I think we missed that loophole of attending Mass together at her shrine on a day OTHER THAN her feast day. You'll just have to come back with me next April 28th.
Anyone else wanna get in on this action?? ;)
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Beauty of the Church's Teachings
To preface, I will not be quoting Church doctrine or Scripture to highlight my points in this post. This is, rather, a laywoman's perspective from the heart, not from the head, and as such does not warrant research back-up (though it is founded on beautiful logic).
I've been meaning to write this post for quite some time. I've been meaning to write it every time I hear someone say to me, "I can't believe the Catholic Church, as much as it claims to love children, would put such restrictions on infertile couples, on what kind of treatments they can pursue..."
And ever since I read this article, posted a while back by MatchingMoonheads, it got my blood boiling. I'm really not a fan of the "pickers-and-choosers'" mentality, as I refer to it - those who justify their decision to go against a very fundamental teaching of their group (this is not isolated to Catholics, it happens in all groups of people, everywhere), and yet still proclaim to others that they represent their group. It would be like my becoming an athiest, and telling others, "But I still believe in God." Not only would others then get the wrong impression about athieism, spreading the word that they know people who are athiest and who still believe in God, but the athiests themselves would be slightly perturbed, I imagine, when approached with the notion that, "Well, you can believe in God, too, because so-and-so is an athiest, and they believe in God."
And so it is with faithful Catholics who have not gone through, are not currently doing, and never will pursue in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
In my own Catholic Hospital where I work, while getting my pre-employment physical, the Dr saw my surgical history and immediately ascertained that I had infertility. Trying to "fix" the problem, she asked me, "Have you already tried IVF?"
"No," I proudly responded. "I'm a practicing Catholic." Bewildered, the Dr offered to speak with her good friend who worked in the hospital and was Catholic herself, because she was SURE that IVF was allowed... then her voice drifted off as she concluded, "But... you've been at this for a while, and I'm sure you've already done your research on it." She remained perplexed for the remainder of the physical exam, and I was convinced that I was the very first person to ever present that information to her. How sad is that? Working in a Catholic Hospital for years, and had no idea about this fundamental teaching.
But to get back to the heart of the post, I need to start by saying this:
I have never, EVER begrudged my religion its teachings on in-vitro fertilization. I have never felt that the Catholic Church's stance on life (in any form, from conception to natural death) was unfair, was holding me back from my dreams, or was outdated. In short - I have not followed the Church's teachings on infertility treatments solely because they are the rules of my Church. I have followed them because they are BEAUTIFUL, they are LIFE-GIVING, and they are the TRUTH.
My husband and I (just in case you've stumbled upon this blog for the first time) have been suffering through primary infertility (never having achieved pregnancy before) for 5 years this summer. In that time, God has given us many opportunities to glorify Him, to be witnesses to His love here on earth, and has blessed us with many gifts. The crosses have been heavy, no doubt, but no matter how bad things got, I can honestly say we were never tempted to do IVF.
Even when our insurance would have covered FOUR of them in full.
Even when our adoption agency denied us approval.
Even when faithful friends told me about people they knew who only fertilized two eggs in a petri dish, and transferred both, so that no extra lives were destroyed.
Because to me (and my husband), and I think I speak for many of my Catholic friends here on the blogs, too, the DEPLORABLE aspect of IVF is the destruction of so many extra lives, either immediate or after years of being frozen, but it is not the sole reason for our disapproval. Rather, we feel that life should be created by God and God alone, within a natural marital act of love between two spouses. Obviously in-vitro fertilization takes conception completely outside of that act, and a Dr becomes the creator of life by using biological material extracted from the woman and biological material collected from the man, even sometimes forcing the egg and sperm to fertilize with a process known as ICSI (intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection).
IVF, with a wife's eggs and her husband's sperm, is morally questionable in and of itself. But it is also a slippery slope. Let's just say the Church approved IVF in the context of an infertile couple who has tried all other options and cannot conceive otherwise (and let's just ignore the fact that the "cannot" in that last statement is ALWAYS purely hypothetical). How would they be able to stop there? How could the Church then deny the same procedure to a woman whose ovaries were removed due to cancer, and whose sister has donated her eggs so that she may be able to become pregnant with IVF? And how could the Church turn down the woman whose husband is sterile and chooses to use donor sperm to conceive a child? And what about the woman who is at serious risk for miscarriage in pregnancy, who wants to enlist the help of a surrogate to carry a baby made with her eggs and her husband's sperm?
And the list goes on and on.
We have a beautiful gift, a gift of free will, which allows us to make these choices for ourselves. The Church does not force them upon us (hence, my confusion at why some believe I am being oppressed by my Church's teachings on infertility treatments), but rather gives them to us as guidelines. The very BEST is what the Church desires for us, and this includes how we come to be. How we are conceived is our very beginning. But WE do not choose how we are conceived. Sometimes, our parents (at least one of them) does not choose how we are conceived, either, such as in the instance of rape. Therefore, the CHOICES made by OTHERS hold no bearing on us and our worth as a human being. I've never been able to understand why so many who have conceived their children through IVF feel that the Church views their children as any less. I am here to tell you, we do not! We do not view YOU as PARENTS as any less, either! Every life is beautiful and worthy of respect. All we want is for those who have the choice to MAKE the choice to begin each and every new life the way God had intended.
And so, my husband and I have made the choice never to pursue IVF to bring life into the world.
I have no regrets. I have no pain over this decision.
Surely I still suffer from infertility. But I am able to see that God can work through suffering, if you let Him. I am so blessed to be able to help others work through their infertility, either in achieving a pregnancy or finding the call to adopt or in coming to a resolution and a joyful place of childless living. My job as a FertilityCare Practitioner, and as an Ultrasonographer, are both fruits of my infertility. Our marriage has had its ups and downs through these 5 years, but the foundation has always been strong, as we know that God made us a family already. Children would be an addition to our family, but not one that we can buy. We have been humbled in the most awesome ways, and have discovered strength in God that we never knew we had.
If we had pursued in-vitro fertilization, no matter what the outcome had been (a live baby or not), we would have a lot of unresolved issues, unanswered questions. We may be "happy," but we certainly wouldn't be peace-filled. Or we may be "depressed," (if it hadn't worked), but the suffering would be magnified knowing there was no beauty to be found within it. All we would be able to place our hope in would be God's unending forgiveness. We would not have discovered our own strength, and we would be no closer to finding everlasting joy.
There is so much more that can be said on this topic, but I am trying to keep it from the heart and as personal as possible. When we begin to argue the logistics of the Church's teachings, for example how children are not a "right" or a commodity, we leave too much room for dissension, and all the shades of gray begin to rear their heads. We can also have a discussion on the statistics of IVF, of premature labor and of the myriad of birth defects and health problems that can and do result. But again, this is more logic-based, and not the purpose of this particular post. Of course, deep down there is nothing but logic behind each and every part of the Church doctrines on infertility treatments, and I urge those of you looking for more information to consult them.
http://www.usccb.org/comm/Dignitaspersonae/Dignitas_Personae.pdf
(Being the most recent)
http://www.usccb.org/prolife/tdocs/donumvitae.shtml
But my hopes in addressing this issue are that more people will come to understand the beauty of these teachings from within. I am writing about IVF, and why I believe it to be morally unethical, as a 5-year infertile woman. I am in the trenches. I am not passing judgement. I feel every ounce of pain caused by my inability to procreate, and yet I still find life and love in God's plan. My undying hope is that more and more people will also find this same love as they navigate through infertility.
I've been meaning to write this post for quite some time. I've been meaning to write it every time I hear someone say to me, "I can't believe the Catholic Church, as much as it claims to love children, would put such restrictions on infertile couples, on what kind of treatments they can pursue..."
And ever since I read this article, posted a while back by MatchingMoonheads, it got my blood boiling. I'm really not a fan of the "pickers-and-choosers'" mentality, as I refer to it - those who justify their decision to go against a very fundamental teaching of their group (this is not isolated to Catholics, it happens in all groups of people, everywhere), and yet still proclaim to others that they represent their group. It would be like my becoming an athiest, and telling others, "But I still believe in God." Not only would others then get the wrong impression about athieism, spreading the word that they know people who are athiest and who still believe in God, but the athiests themselves would be slightly perturbed, I imagine, when approached with the notion that, "Well, you can believe in God, too, because so-and-so is an athiest, and they believe in God."
And so it is with faithful Catholics who have not gone through, are not currently doing, and never will pursue in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
In my own Catholic Hospital where I work, while getting my pre-employment physical, the Dr saw my surgical history and immediately ascertained that I had infertility. Trying to "fix" the problem, she asked me, "Have you already tried IVF?"
"No," I proudly responded. "I'm a practicing Catholic." Bewildered, the Dr offered to speak with her good friend who worked in the hospital and was Catholic herself, because she was SURE that IVF was allowed... then her voice drifted off as she concluded, "But... you've been at this for a while, and I'm sure you've already done your research on it." She remained perplexed for the remainder of the physical exam, and I was convinced that I was the very first person to ever present that information to her. How sad is that? Working in a Catholic Hospital for years, and had no idea about this fundamental teaching.
But to get back to the heart of the post, I need to start by saying this:
I have never, EVER begrudged my religion its teachings on in-vitro fertilization. I have never felt that the Catholic Church's stance on life (in any form, from conception to natural death) was unfair, was holding me back from my dreams, or was outdated. In short - I have not followed the Church's teachings on infertility treatments solely because they are the rules of my Church. I have followed them because they are BEAUTIFUL, they are LIFE-GIVING, and they are the TRUTH.
My husband and I (just in case you've stumbled upon this blog for the first time) have been suffering through primary infertility (never having achieved pregnancy before) for 5 years this summer. In that time, God has given us many opportunities to glorify Him, to be witnesses to His love here on earth, and has blessed us with many gifts. The crosses have been heavy, no doubt, but no matter how bad things got, I can honestly say we were never tempted to do IVF.
Even when our insurance would have covered FOUR of them in full.
Even when our adoption agency denied us approval.
Even when faithful friends told me about people they knew who only fertilized two eggs in a petri dish, and transferred both, so that no extra lives were destroyed.
Because to me (and my husband), and I think I speak for many of my Catholic friends here on the blogs, too, the DEPLORABLE aspect of IVF is the destruction of so many extra lives, either immediate or after years of being frozen, but it is not the sole reason for our disapproval. Rather, we feel that life should be created by God and God alone, within a natural marital act of love between two spouses. Obviously in-vitro fertilization takes conception completely outside of that act, and a Dr becomes the creator of life by using biological material extracted from the woman and biological material collected from the man, even sometimes forcing the egg and sperm to fertilize with a process known as ICSI (intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection).
IVF, with a wife's eggs and her husband's sperm, is morally questionable in and of itself. But it is also a slippery slope. Let's just say the Church approved IVF in the context of an infertile couple who has tried all other options and cannot conceive otherwise (and let's just ignore the fact that the "cannot" in that last statement is ALWAYS purely hypothetical). How would they be able to stop there? How could the Church then deny the same procedure to a woman whose ovaries were removed due to cancer, and whose sister has donated her eggs so that she may be able to become pregnant with IVF? And how could the Church turn down the woman whose husband is sterile and chooses to use donor sperm to conceive a child? And what about the woman who is at serious risk for miscarriage in pregnancy, who wants to enlist the help of a surrogate to carry a baby made with her eggs and her husband's sperm?
And the list goes on and on.
We have a beautiful gift, a gift of free will, which allows us to make these choices for ourselves. The Church does not force them upon us (hence, my confusion at why some believe I am being oppressed by my Church's teachings on infertility treatments), but rather gives them to us as guidelines. The very BEST is what the Church desires for us, and this includes how we come to be. How we are conceived is our very beginning. But WE do not choose how we are conceived. Sometimes, our parents (at least one of them) does not choose how we are conceived, either, such as in the instance of rape. Therefore, the CHOICES made by OTHERS hold no bearing on us and our worth as a human being. I've never been able to understand why so many who have conceived their children through IVF feel that the Church views their children as any less. I am here to tell you, we do not! We do not view YOU as PARENTS as any less, either! Every life is beautiful and worthy of respect. All we want is for those who have the choice to MAKE the choice to begin each and every new life the way God had intended.
And so, my husband and I have made the choice never to pursue IVF to bring life into the world.
I have no regrets. I have no pain over this decision.
Surely I still suffer from infertility. But I am able to see that God can work through suffering, if you let Him. I am so blessed to be able to help others work through their infertility, either in achieving a pregnancy or finding the call to adopt or in coming to a resolution and a joyful place of childless living. My job as a FertilityCare Practitioner, and as an Ultrasonographer, are both fruits of my infertility. Our marriage has had its ups and downs through these 5 years, but the foundation has always been strong, as we know that God made us a family already. Children would be an addition to our family, but not one that we can buy. We have been humbled in the most awesome ways, and have discovered strength in God that we never knew we had.
If we had pursued in-vitro fertilization, no matter what the outcome had been (a live baby or not), we would have a lot of unresolved issues, unanswered questions. We may be "happy," but we certainly wouldn't be peace-filled. Or we may be "depressed," (if it hadn't worked), but the suffering would be magnified knowing there was no beauty to be found within it. All we would be able to place our hope in would be God's unending forgiveness. We would not have discovered our own strength, and we would be no closer to finding everlasting joy.
There is so much more that can be said on this topic, but I am trying to keep it from the heart and as personal as possible. When we begin to argue the logistics of the Church's teachings, for example how children are not a "right" or a commodity, we leave too much room for dissension, and all the shades of gray begin to rear their heads. We can also have a discussion on the statistics of IVF, of premature labor and of the myriad of birth defects and health problems that can and do result. But again, this is more logic-based, and not the purpose of this particular post. Of course, deep down there is nothing but logic behind each and every part of the Church doctrines on infertility treatments, and I urge those of you looking for more information to consult them.
http://www.usccb.org/comm/Dignitaspersonae/Dignitas_Personae.pdf
(Being the most recent)
http://www.usccb.org/prolife/tdocs/donumvitae.shtml
But my hopes in addressing this issue are that more people will come to understand the beauty of these teachings from within. I am writing about IVF, and why I believe it to be morally unethical, as a 5-year infertile woman. I am in the trenches. I am not passing judgement. I feel every ounce of pain caused by my inability to procreate, and yet I still find life and love in God's plan. My undying hope is that more and more people will also find this same love as they navigate through infertility.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Oh, These Times Are Hard...
I've been hearing this song on the radio for the past several weeks, but never paid much attention to the lyrics until earlier this week. At this time in our lives, it is scary how appropriate it is for me and my husband - he could have written it!
I thought I'd share the lyrics here with you:
The Scripts: For The First Time
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work, but man these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time
I've got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how we got into this mess it's a God's test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Aside from the drinking part, since DH isn't a big drinker, this is most definitely our life right now. I love the hopeful tone of the song, and actually, it's one of the only songs I know where the lyrics imply that it's about MARRIAGE and not just dating, falling in love, or breaking up. I love this song.
I thought I'd share the lyrics here with you:
The Scripts: For The First Time
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work, but man these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time
I've got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how we got into this mess it's a God's test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Aside from the drinking part, since DH isn't a big drinker, this is most definitely our life right now. I love the hopeful tone of the song, and actually, it's one of the only songs I know where the lyrics imply that it's about MARRIAGE and not just dating, falling in love, or breaking up. I love this song.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Will I Ever...?
For the past 2 years on these blogs, I feel like at LEAST twice a month there is some amazing miracle and blessing being announced. Pregnant for the first time after years of infertility, surprise/immediate adoption after years of waiting on "the list," announcing twins after the first ultrasound, announcing subsequent pregnancies, announcing the birth of a healthy baby after a history of recurrent losses...
Here's my announcement:
Today I found out I'm not pregnant.
What else is new.
In two weeks time, I will be shelling out $5,000 for Clear Passage physical therapy - $5,000 I do not have, and which could be better spent on making home improvements for my awesome old house. With all the money I've spent over the past 5 years on infertility, I could have adopted twice or even more.
Will I ever be coming onto this blog to make my Miracle Announcement? Or will I be writing the same ol' crap for the next 15 years, begging for prayers, giving meaningless updates about my cycles and house renovations, and trying to avoid reading all the other blogs during that PMS week (where, of course, there will likely be more and more miracle announcements)?
This is getting so old. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes high, what in the world was I thinking? Of course it's not my time. It's everyone else's time, but never mine. Shame on me for daring to believe any different.
Seriously, someone REMOVE ME FROM THE INTERNET when I am PMSing.
Here's my announcement:
Today I found out I'm not pregnant.
What else is new.
In two weeks time, I will be shelling out $5,000 for Clear Passage physical therapy - $5,000 I do not have, and which could be better spent on making home improvements for my awesome old house. With all the money I've spent over the past 5 years on infertility, I could have adopted twice or even more.
Will I ever be coming onto this blog to make my Miracle Announcement? Or will I be writing the same ol' crap for the next 15 years, begging for prayers, giving meaningless updates about my cycles and house renovations, and trying to avoid reading all the other blogs during that PMS week (where, of course, there will likely be more and more miracle announcements)?
This is getting so old. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes high, what in the world was I thinking? Of course it's not my time. It's everyone else's time, but never mine. Shame on me for daring to believe any different.
Seriously, someone REMOVE ME FROM THE INTERNET when I am PMSing.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
30 Day St Joseph Novena- Please Join Me in Prayer!
My friend J at work today was listening to me talk about the ongoing battle with the courts and with that nasty, nasty man who is out to get my DH... and since our next court date (where it will be decided once and for all if DH can get the Pre-Trial Intervention) is June 30th, she suggested we start a 30-Day Novena to St Joseph, like, NOW.
I ask you, my dear friends, to please join me in praying that we are able to get the desired results from this horrible situation, and that St Joseph also petition on our behalf for work/career/financial success. And also, if it be God's will, for my husband to become a father (ideally through me, hahahaha... ok, bad joke.)
Here is the prayer:
THIRTY DAYS PRAYER TO ST. JOSEPH (IN HONOR OF THE 30 YEARS HE SPENT WITH JESUS AND MARY)
(Note: This prayer was taken from a leaflet provided by the Josephites and may be said during any 30 days of the year.)
Ever blessed and glorious Joseph, kind and loving father, and helpful friend of all in sorrow! You are the good father and protector of orphans, the defender of the defenseless, the patron of those in need and sorrow.
Look kindly on my request. My sins have drawn down on me the just displeasure of my God, and so I am surrounded with unhappiness. To you, loving guardian of the Family of Nazareth, do I go for help and protection. Listen, then, I beg you, with fatherly concern, to my earnest prayers, and obtain for me the favors I ask.
I ask it by the infinite mercy of the eternal Son of God, which moved Him to take our nature and to be born into this world of sorrow.
I ask it by the weariness and suffering you endured when you found no shelter at the inn of Bethlehem for the Holy Virgin, nor a house where the Son of God could be born. Then, being everywhere refused, you had to allow the Queen of Heaven to give birth to the world's Redeemer in a cave.
I ask it by the loveliness and power of that sacred Name, Jesus, which you conferred on the adorable Infant.
I ask it by the painful torture you felt at the prophecy of holy Simeon, which declared the Child Jesus and His holy Mother future victims of our sins and of their great love for us.
I ask it through your sorrow and pain of soul when the angel declared to you that the life of the Child Jesus was sought by His enemies. From their evil plan, you had to flee with Him and His Blessed Mother to Egypt.
I ask it by all the suffering, weariness, and labors of that long and dangerous journey.
I ask it by all your care to protect the Sacred Child and His Immaculate Mother during your second journey, when you were ordered to return to your own country.
I ask it by your peaceful life in Nazareth where you met with so many joys and sorrows. I ask it by your great distress when the adorable Child was lost to you and His mother for three days.
I ask it by your joy at finding Him in the temple, and by the comfort you found at Nazareth, while living in the company of the Child Jesus.
I ask it by the wonderful submission He showed in His obedience to you.
I ask it by the perfect love and conformity you showed in accepting the Divine order to depart from this life, and from the company of Jesus and Mary.
I ask it by the joy which filled your soul, when the Redeemer of the world, triumphant over death and hell, entered into the possession of His kingdom and led you into it with special honors.
I ask it through Mary's glorious Assumption, and through that endless happiness you have with her in the presence of God. O good father! I beg you, by all your sufferings, sorrows, and joys, to hear me and obtain for me what I ask. (Here name your petitions or think of them.)
Obtain for all those who have asked my prayers everything that is useful to them in the plan of God. Finally, my dear patron and father, be with me and all who are dear to me in our last moments, that we may eternally sing the praises of:
JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH
"A blameless life,
St. Joseph,
may we lead,
by your kind patronage
from danger freed."
I ask you, my dear friends, to please join me in praying that we are able to get the desired results from this horrible situation, and that St Joseph also petition on our behalf for work/career/financial success. And also, if it be God's will, for my husband to become a father (ideally through me, hahahaha... ok, bad joke.)
Here is the prayer:
THIRTY DAYS PRAYER TO ST. JOSEPH (IN HONOR OF THE 30 YEARS HE SPENT WITH JESUS AND MARY)
(Note: This prayer was taken from a leaflet provided by the Josephites and may be said during any 30 days of the year.)
Ever blessed and glorious Joseph, kind and loving father, and helpful friend of all in sorrow! You are the good father and protector of orphans, the defender of the defenseless, the patron of those in need and sorrow.
Look kindly on my request. My sins have drawn down on me the just displeasure of my God, and so I am surrounded with unhappiness. To you, loving guardian of the Family of Nazareth, do I go for help and protection. Listen, then, I beg you, with fatherly concern, to my earnest prayers, and obtain for me the favors I ask.
I ask it by the infinite mercy of the eternal Son of God, which moved Him to take our nature and to be born into this world of sorrow.
I ask it by the weariness and suffering you endured when you found no shelter at the inn of Bethlehem for the Holy Virgin, nor a house where the Son of God could be born. Then, being everywhere refused, you had to allow the Queen of Heaven to give birth to the world's Redeemer in a cave.
I ask it by the loveliness and power of that sacred Name, Jesus, which you conferred on the adorable Infant.
I ask it by the painful torture you felt at the prophecy of holy Simeon, which declared the Child Jesus and His holy Mother future victims of our sins and of their great love for us.
I ask it through your sorrow and pain of soul when the angel declared to you that the life of the Child Jesus was sought by His enemies. From their evil plan, you had to flee with Him and His Blessed Mother to Egypt.
I ask it by all the suffering, weariness, and labors of that long and dangerous journey.
I ask it by all your care to protect the Sacred Child and His Immaculate Mother during your second journey, when you were ordered to return to your own country.
I ask it by your peaceful life in Nazareth where you met with so many joys and sorrows. I ask it by your great distress when the adorable Child was lost to you and His mother for three days.
I ask it by your joy at finding Him in the temple, and by the comfort you found at Nazareth, while living in the company of the Child Jesus.
I ask it by the wonderful submission He showed in His obedience to you.
I ask it by the perfect love and conformity you showed in accepting the Divine order to depart from this life, and from the company of Jesus and Mary.
I ask it by the joy which filled your soul, when the Redeemer of the world, triumphant over death and hell, entered into the possession of His kingdom and led you into it with special honors.
I ask it through Mary's glorious Assumption, and through that endless happiness you have with her in the presence of God. O good father! I beg you, by all your sufferings, sorrows, and joys, to hear me and obtain for me what I ask. (Here name your petitions or think of them.)
Obtain for all those who have asked my prayers everything that is useful to them in the plan of God. Finally, my dear patron and father, be with me and all who are dear to me in our last moments, that we may eternally sing the praises of:
JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH
"A blameless life,
St. Joseph,
may we lead,
by your kind patronage
from danger freed."
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