It's New Year's Eve.
More than any other time during the year, a day of reflection and planning ahead.
But tonight, I choose to do neither.
You see, reflecting does me no good. It wouldn't take a long time of reflecting on 2011 for me to slip into a self-induced depression. In the past, I've tried putting a positive spin on each horrible event from the year... but it's for naught. God entrusted me with these crosses not so that I could turn them into pretty ornaments... but so that I could carry them. No positive spin. Just truth.
And planning ahead for 2012? Futile. For the past 5 1/2 years I have mapped out the way I intended my life to be. When I came to a road block, I didn't just choose an alternate route, I mapped out the entire trip based on that alternate route. And I repeated this pattern again and again and again until I finally looked up from that map to see that I had missed the entire trip to this point. So in 2012, I'm turning on God's GPS, and I will drive until He tells me to take the next turn.
I am sorrowful. That is probably evident to most of you. But by not projecting my reflections from previous years into my future... I can try to live in the present moment, accept the sorrow I feel currently, and not let it become a self-pity that consumes me.
This cross I embrace... and this sorrow, I accept.
A healthy and blessed New Year to all of you.