Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Signs

I know, I know... I promised pictures of the house progress this week, but the thing is, a) I have not taken any current pictures yet, and b) I don't have a scanner. I'd rather show you professional shots taken by my sister rather than on my dinky phone and emailed to myself, then uploaded. So... you'll just have to wait ;)

But getting back to the whole point of this blog: the cross of infertility and childlessness. To that end, there have been some pretty big signs as of late, that I thought I'd share with you.

First of all, I have been feeling so much better recently, about everything. The stress in my life seems to be melting away (even though I remain busy) - our financial stress may completely disappear in a matter of weeks, because as it turns out, we qualify for government aid and a loan remodification. (It has to do with DH being out of work and our debt:income ratio.) I was hesitant to believe our luck could actually be that good, so I did a TON of research into the possibility (we received a letter in the mail) and also had several lawyer friends look into it for us. It is legitimate. The paperwork is underway now. PRAISE GOD!!! When this goes through, our mortgage payment will be less than half of what it currently is!

This is such a relief for us. But onto some other good developments.

The housewarming party was a big success! It was so nice to see all of our loved ones, and show our home. I had set up pictures outside each room of what the room looked like when we first moved in, so that our guests could compare and see the progress. I also placed notecards outside each room for guests to give us design and decorating suggestions (this wasn't as big a hit as I had hoped... oh well). Everyone seemed to really love what we've already done, including our almost-finished dining room, with gold/ivory valences and tiny bumble bees on it :) (It sounds much more country than it is... trust me, it's elegant.)

The weather was also phenomenal, so we had no problem setting up all the food outdoors. The only real problem was that all of the neighborhood bees must have heard how good the wraps were, because they were swarming all over them.

One guest, a Creighton client of mine, commented on how peaceful I looked. And I have to admit, I feel much more peaceful these past couple of months. It is wonderful. Could have also been the wine ;)

At the end of the night, when all of the guests had gone home except my pregnant sister-in-law who came over after work, we opened our gifts. Inside St Rita's Roses' card (yes, she came to our party! Great to see you again, J!) was a Novena card to St. Rita (of course!) I began telling my sister-in-law about St. Rita, and how she is also a patron Saint for single women seeking their spouse. She was immediately intrigued, and asked to read the Novena. (Yay!)

The following morning, I received a text message from my sister-in-law saying:
"Was doing some more reading about St. Rita... did you know that BEES are associated with her? And you have bees on your curtains, and {DH} said you had a ton of bees outside yesterday. I thought this was a good sign!"

Bees?? I had to look this up immediately - sure enough, a swarm of white bees came to rest on baby Rita's lips on the day of her baptism. All who witnessed this knew it was mystical, because the baby was neither harmed nor awoken. Upon her beatification, Pope Urban apparently utilized bees as one of St Rita's symbols (along with roses, and of course, her thorn).

And here I had just picked out curtains with bees on them (not the most common home decor design)...
By the way, did I mention I also received a dozen red roses on the day of the housewarming party?? Kind of an odd gift for a housewarming party...

I immediately contacted St. Rita's Roses and told her, "That's it, St. Rita is nudging me to get to her shrine, I am coming this weekend!"

In the meantime, I've already gone online and ordered her statue and healing oil.

While I've been preparing to begin St Therese's "Joy In Suffering" Novena, I have also been noticing many hawks overhead.

The client/friend who texted me all of those lovely reminders several months ago, also sent me a text out of the blue a few days into this cycle, and then again yesterday, telling me she has a good feeling about me and is still praying.

The blogger who had the dream about my being pregnant contacted me to tell me she felt strongly about this cycle, for some reason.

In the past, all of these things added up together would probably make me place bets on the fact that I would conceive this cycle. The circumstantial evidence is overwhelming.

But I think these signs point to a much bigger picture than I was able to see in the past.

I think all of these signs serve as God's way to show me He is pleased with the path I am on. He is reminding me that He has not forgotten me, and that the blackest part of the night is nearing an end. He is sending me His love in very tangible ways, so that I can place my trust in Him and Him alone. And THIS brings me so much more peace than the idea of conceiving "this cycle" or "this year."

Of course I still hope. I hope every day that I may one day experience the utter joy and happiness of a positive pregnancy test. Or the phone call informing me that my child has been born. I hope every day that I may hold a baby in my arms that will look at me and know I am its mother. I hope every day that I may have the privilege of calling one of the rooms in my home "the baby's room," and that my entire day will consist of changing diapers, breastfeeding, and fighting the urge to pull my hair out and/or pass out from exhaustion. I hope every day that my dear, selfless husband will be given the gift of fatherhood.

But one thing I no longer hope for is peace. Because I have finally found it.

24 comments:

Perfect Power in Weakness said...

I love all the signs and reminders from God and the optimism you have about the path you're on. Praying this cycle is IT for you!

barbie said...

I'm SO VERY Happy to hear this TCIE! Peace is SO important! I also still have great hope for you! Pray for you daily and love the beautiful path you are on!

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

How great for you to see signs! I'm so glad you are at peace and am still praying that you will become a mother soon.
Also - great news about the lower house payment! I'm so glad its a legit opportunity!

Anonymous said...

I have been following your and your husband's struggles for a while now. I identify with those struggles, including having two dear friends in a situation similar to that of your DH's.

My parish hosted an adoration of an Our Lady of Fatima pilgrim statue alongside Eucharistic Adoration this past Friday night, 9/16. I placed a petition in the box for "TCIE and her husband," for your intentions, but most especially for you to find peace. I am glad to read that you are already on that path and hope it continues.

Sarah said...

Another awesome reflection. So beautiful. And you know, signs used to drive. me. mad. Your perspective on them is so great because it doesn't diminish the beauty of the signs. Now, praying these signs also happen to mean that this cycle really IS it. :)

motheringspirit said...

what a beautiful sense of peace comes through your post. i will be praying for you!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

This is so beautiful. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know you have such peace. I can only hope to bear my crosses in life with half the grace with which you bear yours. You are a holy inspiration.

Amazing Life said...

Wow!

I am so happy for you. Happy that both peace an HOPE reside in your heart. You are always in our prayers and we have hope for you too!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Such a perfect post. So much good, so much love, and of course the peace. :)

JellyBelly said...

Praise the Lord for all these positive signs! I love hearing the happiness in your words!

Can't wait to see your house in person! Woohoo!!!

the misfit said...

I can't tell you how happy I am to read this.

St. Rita's Roses said...

First, your house is lovely~~ Second, dont ya love St. Rita and all her signs~~ She suffered so much and I really believe those of us that use our suffering to unite closer to Christ, really pleases her!!

And the bees, well, we already chatted about that! Those wraps were unBEElievable! Ok, couldnt resist!

I am so happy to hear about the $$$$ J and I were praying for you both!

Cant wait to see ya this weekend. I hope you liked the pics of Italy I sent you.

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

so beautiful

Nicole C said...

Wow!! So happy to hear it! I love all the signs God is sending your way! :)

Beth said...

Hm. I wasn't invited?

Rebecca said...

I'm so glad to hear that the housewarming party went so well! And that financially things will get easier for you!

Praising God for the peace you have found. Once again, you have been such an amazing example of how to walk this journey with grace. Thank-you.

(I was just talking with a Creighton Teacher you know/are friends with, E.D. - she suggested your blog as a resource when I mentioned I have a blog :). She (and our conversation) were a huge blessing to me tonight.)

CM said...

What a beautiful post! Praying that God fulfills these signs soon! I love that the peace came first, though.

Faith makes things possible said...

What an absolutely beautiful post! I actually have tears reading this. Oh that peace thing...it's amazing what it can do for someone! I've been praying for that recently...so hearing you say all this is quite inspiring!

Also, I love signs from God. There are just too many things that occur in life that can not be summed up to a coincidence. God is definitely working here...and obviously in your life as well, so exciting!

Praying for you!!

LifeHopes said...

I still have all the hope in the world for you, not just for the peace you are now experiencing, but for your God-given desires of motherhood to be fulfilled .. and then some!!

When we went home to visit L's biological family this weekend, they kept telling me about their pastor and his wife, who were infertile for 8 straight years. Then they got pregnant. Now they are expecting #5. What the heck?! These things happen and I believe it will happen to you.

Silvana said...

So glad you feel much beter and you receive the gift of God's peace in your hearth. God bless you. :)

callmemama said...

So happy to hear you're feeling such peace!

Jen said...

Where do I find this 'Joy in Suffering' novena? Is it only available to buy online, which is all I've been able to find when googling?

E said...

I hope for you, too, dear TCIE. You are so amazing and an inspiration. I LOVE signs and sounds like you have a ton of them!!

Lavished with Lemons said...

After having a bit of a difficult morning, you just put a huge smile on my face! I am SO HAPPY that you have found peace. I will continue to pray for you! All of the signs and blessings you have received are truly amazing!