Tuesday, August 23, 2011

"Being Open to Life is Not About Being Open to Children." ... Wait... What?

It might have been best for me to reflect on these words a little more before writing my thoughts as they come to me... but then I'd be more of a Melancholic/Choleric, and not the Choleric/Melancholic I really am ;)

Last night I had my first phone appointment with a Catholic clinical psychologist recommended to me by another blogger. The two-hour appointment was supposed to be mostly my oral biography, so that the therapist could get to know me better. Toward the end of the two-hour session, he had given me more pearls of wisdom than I knew what to do with.

In particular the moment that struck me speechless (a rarity) was when he began speaking of my maternal heart - how ALL women have one, and all maternal hearts ache. He said that like Mary, I should allow my heart to be pierced right now, and allow it to truly bleed. He told me that Jesus is allowing me to decrease so that He can increase, and that, after all, "being open to life is not about being open to children;" rather, it is about being open to whatever Christ has in store for you.

For married couples, being open to life doesn't mean they will become pregnant. Being open to life doesn't mean they will adopt. It may, however, mean that the lives some couples conceive will be given right back to God after miscarriage or infant death. And for others, it may mean being open to the uncertainty that life will ever come in the form of a child. (For still others, it may mean a child WILL come when they are not planning to have one.) When we open ourselves up to being open to LIFE, we are becoming the most vulnerable we have ever been, precisely because we don't know where it will lead us.

"Being open to life is not about being open to children."

I am still wrapping my head around this... this... absolute goldmine of information! Open to life= Open to Jesus alive in your heart.

He went on to say that Mary is not called Our Lady of Joys, she's called Our Lady of Sorrows... yet in her sorrow, she had peace. At the foot of her son's cross, she had PEACE! Why? Because as much as her heart ached, she ALWAYS said "Yes" to God and to His will.

He then said "Don't you imagine that Mary desired more children after Jesus? Yet that wasn't God's will for her, and she was open to the LIFE of Christ in her heart..."

I honestly never thought about that before last night!!! Mary, Our Mother, desiring a house full of children! Yes!! I bet she did!! (Although, really, did she think she'd get a better child than Jesus Christ? Hehehe, talk about sibling rivalry... "Don't touch that, I've already asked you twice! Your brother Jesus never defied me...")

Being open to life. I thought I was... but maybe I have a lot further to go than I realized.

I am open to life... but am I ready to give my all back to Christ in order for Him to take root in my soul and flourish? Am I ready to ACCEPT the true Life that I am open to?

I think I may have said a dozen times last night to my therapist, out of frustration, "I wish I wasn't so human!!"

I feel like I am so close to a huge spiritual step...

I'm ready to take the plunge.



31 comments:

JoAnna said...

Wow, that is amazing insight. I'm so glad you found such a fantastic psychologist!

Lisa said...

This is so profound! Thanks for sharing the psychologist's words and your own thoughts. I laughed out loud at the part you wrote about Mary talking to Jesus' hypothetical sibling. Ha!

Praying for that next step for you. May it be a positive step for you!!

Clara said...

This is a truly amazing insight! One I have to work on wrapping my head/heart around.

Thank you for sharing it! And I continue to pray for you. I am excited to see what God has in store for you.

Isaiah 55:8-9 said...

Wow, this is a terrific post... and I needed to hear this right now! :) Thanks so much!

Rebecca said...

This gives me chills! This idea of being completely vulnerable as we when we are open to life - how I have felt this raw vulnerability.

So much to consider and pray about. Thank-you for sharing this!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Wow!! I've never thought of it that way before. Thank you so much for sharing this!!!

Carla Dobs said...

WOW! I will share your "awestruck-ness" at these insights!

and spend some time meditating on them as well...

thanks for being so open and sharing!

Carla
www.bringinghenryhome.blogspot.com

Meghan said...

What a beautiful post! I loved it. Praying for you as you move forward.

Tridentine Wife said...

I am super jealous you have a practicing Catholic psychologist. Sounds like wonderful insight.

"His Perfect Timing" said...

"I wish I wasn't so human." LOL! Me too!!! :)
I never thought about Mary wanting more children. But, you know, it makes SOOOO much sense. And, I have a peaceful feeling when I think of this ... she can TRULY identify with those struggling to grow their families.
GREAT post!

E said...

Dive deep, my sister in Christ. :) Welcome. I like what he said to you better than what he said to me, "You know, there was no Mary Mother of Anger." HUMPH. I guess not.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

TCIE, wow!! I love this! So profound.

And E, ha ha!

Silvana said...

thank you for sharing your insightful experience. :)

LP said...

Awesome post!

Little JoAnn said...

While I understand what he says, such wisdom, I also see myself being so self-centered and would likely not be able to embrace the depth of what he said.

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

Beautiful! You've found a good one!

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

Oh WOW. That is really profound and hits straight to the core. What an incredible resource!!! Praise God!

And I'm with LIsa- that hypothetical conversation cracked me up!

the misfit said...

Very interesting, and I'm glad you've found such a good psychologist. I always thought about Mary that she gave up the house full of children (what all Jewish girls were expecting) when she promised her virginity to God. It was only thereafter that the angel announced to her that she would bear Jesus, and she had to get Gabriel to explain how that would go, since she never expect to conceive (or ttc) a child in the ordinary way, nor did she ever do so. So I tend to think that she wasn't wistful over the idea of other children after Jesus, because he was sort of an anomaly in her life (well, and in all of history) to begin with...but maybe this is me over-mystifying the saints, because I assume that my life is nothing like theirs. (Well, obviously, I don't share Mary's virtues. But, you know what I mean.) Anyway...interesting stuff!

doctorgianna said...

Thanks for the insight. I'll have to chew on that one for awhile. Also, praying for you during this spiritual step in your life...

God Alone Suffices said...

Wow! Just...wow! This is amazing!

JellyBelly said...

Whoa! I have chillls after reading your post! I honestly never thought about it that way!

Danya @ He Adopted Me First said...

That is terrific TCIE! I remember having a similar experience during my years of IF. Once when I asked Jesus specifically about fixing my broken body, I could hear him whispering that He wanted my heart. He wanted me to "bear him" to the world. He wanted my heart to give birth first - that was the only thing that mattered to Him. Spiritual breakthrough indeed.

HG said...

speechless..

Sissy said...

I like that. A lot. Isn't it nice when someone says something that makes you look at a topic in a completely different way? Maybe God is leading you somewhere totally different right now and you need to be open to it. Keep looking up and I'm sure the answer will follow.

Beth said...

Love this post ;)

Julia said...

I just wrote a post about this very thing though I think your post really helps me to solidify and affirm my thoughts on the matter. Reading this really helps!
Thanks.

Be Not Afraid said...

This is a great post. Very insightful. Someone once said the exact thing to be about Our Lady. Then he went to mention a whole bunch of women in the bible who were barren. I always thought it would be a neat post to list all the IF bible women.

Vent-ilation said...

I'm late commenting, and am just repeating what others have said, but Wow! So insightful and profound. The Our Lady of Sorrows, being at peace, Mary possibly wanting other children... thank you for sharing this.

Mrs. Mike said...

Love this! I've blogged about this before but you articulated it far more eloquently.

Lisa said...

This is so rich and amazing! I will have to use this concept in my talks to couples about NFP/openness to life. People wonder what we have to say about it since we have never been pregnant and come to parenting from the adoption perspective. But there are many ways to be open to God's movement in life. Being open to LIFE. Perfect!

Infertile Catholic said...

Just beautiful!