I just got back late last night. Being home, helping my parents, and spending time with my family was my prescription for Zoloft.
My father's procedure went really well, and it turns out this heart attack may have saved his life. The Drs said if it had gone on another two weeks with him ignoring the chest pains, he wouldn't be here. But now he's got a stent in and he's good to go, and I hope that he can keep up the good dietary changes we tried to implement for him over the weekend.
As soon as we got up there, we went to the hospital to visit. He was released the next day in the afternoon, and DH and I had already done a big shopping for "heart-healthy" foods rich in Omegas and low in fat and cholesterol. DH was an absolute Saint - he cooked every single meal from the time my father came home, and even "babysat" him and mowed the lawn for him while the rest of us attended my Aunt's wake.
The funeral for my Aunt was yesterday morning, and my Dad was given the go-ahead to attend. I did the first reading, and my Aunt's other goddaughter did the second reading, which I thought was beautiful. It was, of course, very emotional - I've made peace with her passing (though it's still such a shock at only 55 years old), but seeing my Uncle and cousins (younger than me) right in the front, breaking down during the Ave Maria and during my cousin's eloquent, heartfelt eulogy was rather draining.
My cousin had a baby in late April of this year - unplanned, out of wedlock - but now that beautiful baby girl is such a ray of light in that family, and I am happy that my Aunt got to know her granddaughter for a little while.
My Aunt and Uncle actually struggled with infertility for many years before they conceived their oldest daughter, and I so wish I had talked to her about our shared Cross. It actually struck me yesterday as I realized my Aunt's other goddaughter (her only sister's daughter) was born 2 weeks before me - and here my Aunt served as godmother only weeks apart to two babies, all the while her heart was aching for her own. I must say, I know exactly how she must have felt.
Right before I left, my mother-in-law gave me her book for the Bach flowers remedy, and she ran out to the health store to pick some up for me (at my DH's request). The only one they had in stock was the Rescue Remedy, which I think was likely the most appropriate one, and I took a few doses over the weekend. It seems to be helping. Thank you, E, for the tip on that.
I am trying to stay positive and take one day at a time. I'm telling myself repeatedly during the day "Jesus, I trust you," even if I don't believe it fully, saying it over and over helps to calm me. My husband is losing his faith, and I can hear the resentment in his voice as we recite our Consecration prayers every night... I can't say that I blame him, but I just wish God could send us SOMETHING good, to keep us moving forward and not fall into despair.
I have to thank you all for your prayers - so many people, friends, family, bloggers, clients, etc. have contacted me over the past few weeks to tell me they have felt particularly called to pray for me and my DH, and I truly believe those prayers got me through this weekend and to a higher place than where I started. I know God is trying to tell us, through all of you, that He loves us and has not abandoned us. And I'm really holding on to that.
God Bless you all. I pray my next posts will be joyful ones. Enough with the depressing ones!