Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Back, and Feeling... better

I just got back late last night. Being home, helping my parents, and spending time with my family was my prescription for Zoloft.

My father's procedure went really well, and it turns out this heart attack may have saved his life. The Drs said if it had gone on another two weeks with him ignoring the chest pains, he wouldn't be here. But now he's got a stent in and he's good to go, and I hope that he can keep up the good dietary changes we tried to implement for him over the weekend.

As soon as we got up there, we went to the hospital to visit. He was released the next day in the afternoon, and DH and I had already done a big shopping for "heart-healthy" foods rich in Omegas and low in fat and cholesterol. DH was an absolute Saint - he cooked every single meal from the time my father came home, and even "babysat" him and mowed the lawn for him while the rest of us attended my Aunt's wake.

The funeral for my Aunt was yesterday morning, and my Dad was given the go-ahead to attend. I did the first reading, and my Aunt's other goddaughter did the second reading, which I thought was beautiful. It was, of course, very emotional - I've made peace with her passing (though it's still such a shock at only 55 years old), but seeing my Uncle and cousins (younger than me) right in the front, breaking down during the Ave Maria and during my cousin's eloquent, heartfelt eulogy was rather draining.

My cousin had a baby in late April of this year - unplanned, out of wedlock - but now that beautiful baby girl is such a ray of light in that family, and I am happy that my Aunt got to know her granddaughter for a little while.

My Aunt and Uncle actually struggled with infertility for many years before they conceived their oldest daughter, and I so wish I had talked to her about our shared Cross. It actually struck me yesterday as I realized my Aunt's other goddaughter (her only sister's daughter) was born 2 weeks before me - and here my Aunt served as godmother only weeks apart to two babies, all the while her heart was aching for her own. I must say, I know exactly how she must have felt.

Right before I left, my mother-in-law gave me her book for the Bach flowers remedy, and she ran out to the health store to pick some up for me (at my DH's request). The only one they had in stock was the Rescue Remedy, which I think was likely the most appropriate one, and I took a few doses over the weekend. It seems to be helping. Thank you, E, for the tip on that.

I am trying to stay positive and take one day at a time. I'm telling myself repeatedly during the day "Jesus, I trust you," even if I don't believe it fully, saying it over and over helps to calm me. My husband is losing his faith, and I can hear the resentment in his voice as we recite our Consecration prayers every night... I can't say that I blame him, but I just wish God could send us SOMETHING good, to keep us moving forward and not fall into despair.

I have to thank you all for your prayers - so many people, friends, family, bloggers, clients, etc. have contacted me over the past few weeks to tell me they have felt particularly called to pray for me and my DH, and I truly believe those prayers got me through this weekend and to a higher place than where I started. I know God is trying to tell us, through all of you, that He loves us and has not abandoned us. And I'm really holding on to that.

God Bless you all. I pray my next posts will be joyful ones. Enough with the depressing ones!

19 comments:

Beth Rutter said...

So happy to hear your dad did so well and what a blessing a heart attack can be. Still praying for the miracles we know can happen to happen in your life.

E said...

Oh, A, what a draining weekend. Even though you spent this time with family for sorrowful reasons, it seems like it was healing. I will keep praying and offering up suffering for you.

JellyBelly said...

I have been praying for you so much! I really hope that this is the end of the worst and that happier times are ahead!

St. Rita's Roses said...

Great news about your dad- Praise God! And how special to read at your Aunts' Mass. Praying for you A.

Rebecca @ The Road Home said...

Glad you are feeling better - if only a little.

Praying for you and your DH.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

I want so much joy for you. I pray your joy is just around the corner.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

So glad to hear things are better. Don't forget--St Gianna is praying for you too!! :) What comes ahead is going to be so joyful...I can feel it!

Patiently Waiting...... said...

All of your posts are inspiring, whether written when sad or at peace. Our true emotions cannot be hidden. I will continue to pray for you that more happiness and hope come into your life soon.

Clara said...

I'm glad you are feeling better. I am so glad your dad is doing better.

Rescue Remedy is one of my go-to things when I'm feeling anxious. I carry some in my purse and keep it at home!

I am praying something joyful is very close for you.

Mrs. Mike said...

Rescue Remedy is awesome! You are at the forefront of my thoughts when I pray of those who still wait with empty arms. We're just going to continue praying. I wish there was more I could do.

barbie said...

So glad to hear from you! I continue to pray that you get a ray of light in your lives soon!!

CM said...

I'm glad your dad is doing better, and I hear you on just needing God to reach out and do something, even if it's not exactly what you really want. I'm praying for you both!

Danya @ He Adopted Me First said...

Hey at least you're still praying - which is more than we did when we were ticked. Ya know...I'm still waiting for the short hair glamour shot hon...any day now...

Mrs. Henderson said...

You have been in my daily prayers!

Faith makes things possible said...

I'm glad to hear your dad is doing better. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!! Also, I really like your "Jesus, I trust you" even when you don't necessarily believe it. I need to try this...

callmemama said...

Glad to hear things are on the upswing. I love Rescue Remedy - used to use it when I had anxiety attacks at my craptastic job.

A Martha trying to be Mary said...

I am late to commenting but you have been in my thoughts constantly. I am glad the Flowers seem to be helping . My DH works with a Medical doctor who specialized in mental health (he is also a consectated person) that after using drugs for many years to manage mental conditions found the Flowers. Well he now uses them almost exclusively along with microdosages of medicines and homeopathy with great success. You can use Rescue remedy even every 5 minutes until you feel a change and then space it out until 4 times a day. This doctor uses it with his dogs (when they miss him or when they are anxious) and has used them with persons after an accident to stabilize them until the ambulance arrives. In this case he has given them every minute when hiperventilating. There is one amazing one called Bleeding Heart. I swear by it in my IF journey. You can find in www.fesflowers.com a directory to find the right one for you. send me an email if you have questions. I have been using and studying them the last 7 years. =)

Vent-ilation said...

So glad your dad is doing well, and that you are doing better, too.

the misfit said...

What is this flowers business? I think my household could use some too. I can certainly sympathize about the spouse losing the faith. But I have so few good arguments...I maintain my faith in matters theological because that's just what I do, but as for the benevolent intervention of God in our lives, I'd have to fight through a lot of contrary experience. We both feel that we're basically on our own. I find that as I rebuild my prayer and devotional life a little, I return to a pattern of a few years ago - pray more in general, pray less and less for myself. There's just nothing I can ask for without feeling disingenuous. I don't believe He cares what I ask for myself. I guess this is all part of the dark night, or whatever is the impious person's version thereof. For me, not for you...I can only imagine that you'll come out of the woods at great spiritual heights. You've suffered so much, and with such grace!

In any case - the clouds have to break some time, and I am hoping that's soon.