Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Another Short Race

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another."

-Walter Elliot


If you're new to reading this blog, you may think what I'm about to tell you isn't true, can't be true. But those of you who have had the, um, pleasure(?) of reading for a while know that I couldn't possibly make this shit up.

My DH came in from watering the plants last night and looked a wreck. He had been on the phone, and asked if I could talk to him. He had just talked his sister out of having an abortion.

That's right. My sister-in-law is pregnant.

Immediately I knew which sister he meant (he has two). As some of you may remember, there was this whole fiasco a couple years ago. I knew if it were that sister, she wouldn't be considering abortion, but rather celebrating her "planned mistake" by starting to make arrangements for a baby shower and everything else.

No. This time, it is the 41 year old, divorced, living-with-her-boyfriend of 15 years her junior and supporting him as he goes back to school.

And to make matters worse, they have been fighting horribly lately, and when he found out about the pregnancy, he apparently yelled all kinds of mean things at her and said he'd pay for the abortion because he knew she'd come after him for child support.

Lovely.

Oh, and let me not forget to add that they apparently made a decision a while ago to stop using "protection," because if it happened, it happened, and they would "deal with it."

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. All the way around. I can't think of any better word to describe this situation.

DH was able to talk her out of abortion, but honestly, I don't think she was really at risk. I know if she was truly considering abortion, her brother who is now devoutly Catholic and pro-life, who has also been battling infertility and praying for a baby for 5 years, would probably be the last person on earth she would call to discuss her plans. I think she called him because she knew in her heart what the right decision was going to be, and needed to hear from someone who agreed with her and would tell her everything would be ok.

But will it?

Yes, we've offered her all kinds of resources for free health and prenatal care (did I mention she does not have a steady income and has no health insurance??), as well as telling her that in the worst case scenario of my in-laws losing their house to foreclosure (a likely possibility), she could live with us with the baby. I am 100% on board with helping her out in any way I can.

But I'm also becoming quite annoyed by the whole thing. I mean, give me a break, this pregnancy for all intents and purposes was PLANNED! And now with no father figure even in the picture, and a quite possibly homeless mother whose business is going bankrupt... why is it that my DH and I are the ones holding her hand through this?? SHE'S 41 YEARS OLD!!!! Get a clue!!! Take responsibility for yourself!!

I realize that at her age this pregnancy truly is a miracle, though to her right now it must be very scary. And I also understand that at her age, she knows this is likely her last pregnancy and only chance to be a mother. But I am praying, and I hope you will join me, that she will at the very least CONSIDER an adoption plan, so that this baby might have a better life than what it seems like it will have now.

This is not my cross to bear, it is hers. But it certainly does add a bit to my burden, too. After we talked for several hours last night, I looked at DH, shook my head, and said to him, "What next? Your 66 year old mother with her tubes tied will get pregnant?" At this point, I really don't think I'd be surprised.

30 comments:

God Alone Suffices said...

Somehow I accidentally posted on your post from 2009 instead of this one. lol Sorry!

Anyway, I'm so glad that your husband was able to talk with her! I'll definitely be praying.

polkadot said...

Wow, you're right--you just can't make this stuff up. This seems more like a tv show plot than real life. I'll be praying, too.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

I felt like throwing up reading it. Oh, I am sorry. I will pray that she opts for an adoption plan…. :(

barbie said...

wow I'm so sorry. I know this has to be (another) last straw. I know your heart is bruised and battered, I"m so very very sorry.

Amazing Life said...

I am so sorry! A situation with my sil's planned "unplanned" pg had my bawlng in the tub on Good Fiday 2008!!! This stinks for you, It hurts but that baby is already so loved by you and your dh that I find myself grateful for that.

Cecilia said...

I agree with Leila....I felt really nauseous reading this. And the word rank stupidity comes to mind (sorry if that's harsh - I'm a little irritable). Like you said - this was basically planned. You and DH were so good to focus on helping her see past this initial panic. I hope she chooses an adoption plan, but she's a lucky woman to have you and DH standing by to help her. I hope she realizes that. You should seriously write a book called "An IFer's Adventures in the Twilight Zone - b/c I Couldn't Make This Shit Up" :-)

Faith makes things possible said...

This is unbelievable and so sad....praying that she chooses life and adoption and also offering up extra prayers for you and your dh, y'all are stronger than you think and amazing people. Praying for y'all and all y'all are going through.

JellyBelly said...

I have no words! I just don't understand what you are supposed to learn from this! I hope and pray that she chooses an adoption plan (could you adopt this baby?)!

Praying for Hope said...

Rrrriiiiiiight. The woman is my age. I don't claim to be the most sensible person on Earth, but she should know enough to understand responsibility by now. And cause and effect. She may be 41, but going without protection or some plan of avoiding during certain days, things can happen. She reminds me of someone with her flighty personality and the live-in mooch of a boyfriend nearly young enough to be her son. If you guys are in the picture now or later, one way or another, I know the baby will have a good future.

Beth Rutter said...

Am I the only one thinking this could be an amazing blessing for YOU!!!??!?! Could you adopt this baby??

In my mind, there are never any accidents, everything has it's purpose. This situations purose may be for you and your husband to raise this child and give it the life it deserves.

The Skirts said...

Whaaaaa? This is nuts. And sad. I'll be praying for the mother, father, and baby, and you guys, too.

What the what?

More Than Anything said...

People never cease to amaze me. You have sex (without protection no less) you get pregnant. Why freak out now?!?! Frustrating!! [unfortunately for us IFers, not so much!]

I'm praying she makes the right decision for her and the baby.

I'm also praying that this additional cross does not burden you with heartache.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Just to put those thoughts at ease about us possibly raising the baby, the answer on our parts would be a resounding NO! My SIL's opinions aside, even if she did ask us, it would be way too uncomfortable, messy, and awkward of a situation. DH's family is all very tight-knit and live very close to each other, and I can't imagine a more awkward situation of a baby growing up knowing its bmom so well and yet not being raised by them, but rather by their aunt/uncle. The only times I could see where that would be an "option" would be in cases where parental rights are terminated by the State, and instead of going to a foster home, the child is placed with relatives. Again, not a situation I am about to pray for!! She may not have the best home for the baby, but I know she will certainly love and nurture it the best she can.

mrsblondies said...

Your life does sound like a soap opera sometimes :). I'm glad to hear that your husband was able to talk with her. I'm sorry to hear that even though you'd love to adopt, that this situation wouldn't be one that could work out in that way. I hope that your help for your SIL does lead to your future child coming to you (in some other fashion that wouldn't cause additional family issues).

Rebecca @ The Road Home said...

Wow :(. I am praying.

Simone said...

WOW I think my jaw hit the floor. Really? I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am sitting here and cannot believe what torture this is. Thank God for you DH having the strength to save the child. Prayers that she will choose adoption.

Clara said...

Wow! I don't know what else to say, but, wow! And.. I am praying for God's will in this situation! And for you and DH, for strength and grace through this.

E said...

LOL about your MIL. I'm so sorry about DH's sister, triple UGH. It seems like this kind of craziness just follows you around. God definitely has a plan for you and for SIL. He will work miracles. A baby is always a blessing. BTW, are you praying for more humility? BC the Lord is providing. UGH. Call me if you need to vent, I have a crazy family, too!

the misfit said...

These people (both of your SILs, and their babies) would be so much happier if they would just GIVE YOU THE BABIES. Perhaps some sort of inter-uterine transfer could be arranged? That would OBVIOUSLY be the best solution.

UGH.

But you are adding some really impressive ornamentation to your crown of martyrdom, offering to TAKE HER IN with the baby.

Mary said...

Wow. I hardly know what to say. So sorry you have to deal with this now. Thank goodness she is not going to have an abortion - thank goodness for you and your DH!!!!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Oh, I'm so sorry my friend. There aren't words...God bless your hubby for talking her out of it. You are a saintly woman to help her with her cross while bearing your own.

Silvana said...

Chi ha pane non ha denti e chi ha denti non ha pane.. :-(

"His Perfect Timing" said...

So VERY sorry to hear this. I just.can't.imagine how upset you must be. Its so frustrating when people who "shouldn't" have babies always do and the ones who desire them so very much have to suffer and watch helplessly. I'm so VERY, VERY frustrated for you and this situation. Prayers!!!

Julie said...

When I first read your post, I was thinking..."maybe this is the baby God has for you and your DH?"...but then I read your comment about it being awkward and not really acceptable in your DH's family circle. So sad. It must be so hard for you...knowing that you and DH could parent this baby so much better than she could. My heart is breaking for you. I pray that this precious child of God is raised by 2 parents who love this child and love God!

Sarah said...

Oh wow. Wow. Praying. This poor baby.

Beth said...

OMG.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Julie, even if we did see this as an "opportunity" for us, there is absolutely no way my SIL would ever consider that. If the baby stays in the family, why wouldn't she just raise it herself (would be her thoughts)?

Thankful said...

Praying! So sorry that your cross continues to become heavier. Why is it so unfair!?!?!??!?!?!

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

Ugh. I hate that your having to deal with this drama. You of all people do not deserve this. Hugs

Little JoAnn said...

Can you adopt her child? They are crazy. In African societies and other traditional societies, Aunts and Uncles often adopt their nieces and nephews.

This is absurd. You guys should be the parents of this miracle baby.