I am going to try to make sense with this post, but I make no promises ;)
A short time ago, I read a beautiful post by a fellow Catholic Infertile, Complicated Life, as she discerned her desires for children and tried to reconcile those desires with the plain and simple fact that God does not always fulfill those desires just because they are for an objective good. With that statement, I wholeheartedly agree. I may desire that my grandmother be cured of cancer - a very obviously "good" desire, but God may have had other plans for bringing her to heaven to be reunited with Him and her family.
However, I had to sit and think about the entire post. If I believe that God will not grant children to all those who desire them, what is it I do believe?
I began to contemplate the difference between desires and callings. Both, I believe, can change throughout our lifetimes. An example would be, as a child I may desire to live in Hawaii, but as an adult I may desire to live in Alaska. A young man may get a calling from God to become a priest. Later in life, he MAY get a call to become a family man, leave the priesthood, and get married (it happens).
While our desires may often be for objective "goods," I don't think that all desires come directly from God. We may desire these objective goods BECAUSE of our love for God and our desire to make Him happy and bring Him glory. But I think that a calling is distinctly different, in that it is coming directly from the Holy Spirit within us.
Much like a woman or man receives a calling to enter religious life, I believe many women and men are called to be husbands and wives, mothers and fathers in a physical sense. I feel so strongly about this because I feel like I have a calling to be a mother. I also believe I received a calling to adopt, and this one I remember as being even more clear.
So how does this enter in to God's plan and His will to fulfill callings as opposed to desires?
Here's how I see it: If God gives us a direct calling to do something, He wants us to pursue it. He may NOT fulfill the calling immediately, and He may not even fulfill the calling in the WAY we think He will... but I do firmly believe that IF HE CALLS US TO SOMETHING, HE WILL EVENTUALLY LEAD US TO ITS FULFILLMENT, in one way or another. Maybe I'm wrong about this, but I feel pretty strongly that God wouldn't call us to something if He didn't intend for us to carry it out.
Perhaps the reason I feel this way is because I know many people who have had their callings in life fulfilled - there comes such a peace in knowing you are living out your vocation that is simply impossible to deny. Suffering may come and go within the vocation, but once that calling has been fulfilled, there no longer seem to be questions or frustrations - not in the same way, at least. Now, as an outsider, it is rather difficult to tell who has had their CALLINGS fulfilled as opposed to their DESIRES. Only the individual can make that distinction, really. But trusting that priests, for example, have fulfilled their callings, we can see that they are comfortable and at peace in their roles, despite the sufferings they may still experience.
Does this make any sense to anyone other than me?
I'm really only basing this on my own strongly-held beliefs. I can't quote any particular author or scripture passage... I just feel it in my heart. And it feels right.
I have been called to be a mother. I KNOW this. I have been called to adopt. God has called me to pursue motherhood, and He has ALLOWED me to endure the suffering of not being able to fulfill my calling in life so that my suffering can bring Him even greater glory. (I do not think God causes or wills suffering, but He allows it so that we may become closer to Him.) I still feel the calling to motherhood, and perhaps one day that will be fulfilled in the physical sense. I do think that it will, even if it means we adopt when I'm in my 50s ;) But maybe there is some other route to motherhood that I haven't even thought of, which God will reveal to me in His time. Regardless, I know my calling will be fulfilled.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
In a "Blah" Place
I have been packing, very very slowly, but packing nonetheless, for the probable move in the near future, and thinking about how so much has changed and yet at the same time, nothing has really changed.
You see, a year ago this time I had just hosted a beautiful Thanksgiving that Martha Stewart herself would have been proud of. Because of the disarray of our apartment, and the fact that we were NOT in the house for Thanksgiving this year, we had it at my parents', and it was very low-key. It was nice to be around family, even though it wasn't my whole family (oldest sister was spending it with her boyfriend's parents). And I was certainly thankful for my faith and to give that thanks to God in a special way yesterday. But something was missing.
I look around at all of the blogs, at all of the new babies, growing families, and growing wombs, and the smiling faces of parents and children alike. And I realize that I still very much want that, and I want it now. Both DH and I are the youngest in our families, and our parents should be coming over to OUR house to spend time with their grandchildren on the holidays. We should NOT be at a holiday table without any children present. That is just sad. So very sad. My 13 year old niece was not even there, she was with her father.
I'm not in denial. I realize there is a very, very slim chance of my ever conceiving (I would say no chance, but I always leave room for God because all is possible in Him). And I also realize we are no closer, one year later, to getting out of the mess of not being able to adopt/foster. Motherhood is just not going to find its way into my life anytime soon, and children will continue to be the missing ingredient at all family gatherings in the forseeable future. It is a fact I have come to accept, but still manages to tug at my heart from time to time.
Naively, I believed that if I were in the house for Advent, I would preoccupy myself with renovations and decorations, and be able to ignore the "missing" part of my family during the traditionally most difficult time of the year for an infertile/childless couple. Now, I'm not so sure that will be possible. I still feel the peace of God's will, but I'm losing the joy little by little.
It's just so hard to think about the rest of my life without children. Generally I try not to let my thoughts go there, but the holidays seem to be forcing me to go there. And it brings me to tears... tears that are too familiar, tears that I had packed away, tears rooted in sadness but tears that soothe and calm as they fall. I know these tears. I am these tears.
Something tells me December will be a long month.
You see, a year ago this time I had just hosted a beautiful Thanksgiving that Martha Stewart herself would have been proud of. Because of the disarray of our apartment, and the fact that we were NOT in the house for Thanksgiving this year, we had it at my parents', and it was very low-key. It was nice to be around family, even though it wasn't my whole family (oldest sister was spending it with her boyfriend's parents). And I was certainly thankful for my faith and to give that thanks to God in a special way yesterday. But something was missing.
I look around at all of the blogs, at all of the new babies, growing families, and growing wombs, and the smiling faces of parents and children alike. And I realize that I still very much want that, and I want it now. Both DH and I are the youngest in our families, and our parents should be coming over to OUR house to spend time with their grandchildren on the holidays. We should NOT be at a holiday table without any children present. That is just sad. So very sad. My 13 year old niece was not even there, she was with her father.
I'm not in denial. I realize there is a very, very slim chance of my ever conceiving (I would say no chance, but I always leave room for God because all is possible in Him). And I also realize we are no closer, one year later, to getting out of the mess of not being able to adopt/foster. Motherhood is just not going to find its way into my life anytime soon, and children will continue to be the missing ingredient at all family gatherings in the forseeable future. It is a fact I have come to accept, but still manages to tug at my heart from time to time.
Naively, I believed that if I were in the house for Advent, I would preoccupy myself with renovations and decorations, and be able to ignore the "missing" part of my family during the traditionally most difficult time of the year for an infertile/childless couple. Now, I'm not so sure that will be possible. I still feel the peace of God's will, but I'm losing the joy little by little.
It's just so hard to think about the rest of my life without children. Generally I try not to let my thoughts go there, but the holidays seem to be forcing me to go there. And it brings me to tears... tears that are too familiar, tears that I had packed away, tears rooted in sadness but tears that soothe and calm as they fall. I know these tears. I am these tears.
Something tells me December will be a long month.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Closing
is nowhere in sight.
Sigh.
Thankfully infertility has taught me patience. We are just so anxious to finally be in our FIRST HOME!!!!
Prayers appreciated. Will keep you posted. And Happy Thanksgiving!
Sigh.
Thankfully infertility has taught me patience. We are just so anxious to finally be in our FIRST HOME!!!!
Prayers appreciated. Will keep you posted. And Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Good Eggs
About a year ago (or more?), I noticed there was a new follower of my blog, whose blog name was "The Good Eggs." She made a comment on one of my posts, and I went to visit hers to thank her for her comment.
It turned out that "The Good Eggs" was an egg donor - a young woman who was "donating" (quotations to be explained in a moment) her eggs to be used for couples going through IVF whose eggs were deemed not good enough, too old, or damaged.
I remember being confused at first, wondering why an egg "donor" would be interested in reading my blog - an infertile woman, Catholic no less, who took a pretty strong stance on her beliefs on IVF, surrogacy, donor gametes, etc. I also remember being slightly offended by the blog title, which implied that all infertile women did not have "good enough" eggs. And I began to wonder... what is the untold story of these egg "donors?" While this one young woman chronicled her experiences (which I am no longer able to read because she has since gone private), was it the whole story? And did even SHE understand what it was she was putting herself at risk for? And for what?
Surely there is a selfless component to the motive of egg "donors." They get to feel good that their biological material may help some other couple get to experience pregnancy and/or parenthood.
But there's another side which can't be ignored. The exploitative side.
I recently watched a documentary on this, entitled "Eggsploitation."
I urge every single one of you who is reading this blog post right now to PLEASE watch this documentary. And before you have the chance to think it, let me beat you to the punch and say it is NOT affiliated with, endorsed by, or in collaboration with "the Church." The film is presented by the Center for Bioethics and Culture (of whom I've never even heard before this), and directed by Jennifer Lahl. Nothing in the film is religious in any way, shape, or form. Rather, it is full of facts and research, and a chock full of interviews with women who have been through the process of egg "donation."
Primarily, I am hoping that The Good Eggs, if she still reads my blog, is able to read this and watch the film. I hope that it can help her.
The film shows how these women are treated, from the solicitation process (mostly college campus bulletin boards or college newspaper ads, offering up to $100,000 for these smart, healthy, college-educated women's eggs. In essence, for "The Good Eggs.") to the actual procedure of hyperstimulation, retrieval, and the aftermath. What college student do you know who couldn't benefit from that amount of money?
Horror stories ensued. One of the women going through this process was a medical student, and is now a Dr - she had the foresight to ask about short and long-term risks to her health, and yet she was still put through the assembly line, and suffered the consequences. What occurs in every single hyperstimulation, whether it be as part of an IVF or an egg retrieval for "donation," is that the woman will get an EXTREME surge of estrogen, which will then drastically drop. That intense unopposed estrogen has already been linked to breast cancer. And yes, you guessed it, one of these young women got breast cancer not once, but twice, years after her egg donation process. (She also became infertile, by the way.) Another had a stroke and was paralyzed on her left side. Still another died at age 31.
But there is no research being done on the aftermath of egg "donation" (are the quotations self-explanatory now?) - no one really seems to care, at least, not the infertility industry, what happens to these women after they are put through the process to retrieve their biological material. Once we get what we want from them, it's a moot point, right?
Wrong. These are human beings. Living, breathing women made in the image and likeness of God. (*Those are my words - to reiterate, God is not brought up at all in this film, so please, educate yourself and watch it, and don't refuse on the premise that it is "tied to the Church.") These women are NOT walking egg-machines. You can't put a price on someone's biological material, but that is exactly what the infertility industry is trying to do.
The thing is... egg "donors" are not the only ones going through this process, nor are they the only ones putting themselves at risk for short and long-term health problems. Anyone who does IVF is also put through this process.
For more information, please visit:
www.eggsploitation.com
It turned out that "The Good Eggs" was an egg donor - a young woman who was "donating" (quotations to be explained in a moment) her eggs to be used for couples going through IVF whose eggs were deemed not good enough, too old, or damaged.
I remember being confused at first, wondering why an egg "donor" would be interested in reading my blog - an infertile woman, Catholic no less, who took a pretty strong stance on her beliefs on IVF, surrogacy, donor gametes, etc. I also remember being slightly offended by the blog title, which implied that all infertile women did not have "good enough" eggs. And I began to wonder... what is the untold story of these egg "donors?" While this one young woman chronicled her experiences (which I am no longer able to read because she has since gone private), was it the whole story? And did even SHE understand what it was she was putting herself at risk for? And for what?
Surely there is a selfless component to the motive of egg "donors." They get to feel good that their biological material may help some other couple get to experience pregnancy and/or parenthood.
But there's another side which can't be ignored. The exploitative side.
I recently watched a documentary on this, entitled "Eggsploitation."
I urge every single one of you who is reading this blog post right now to PLEASE watch this documentary. And before you have the chance to think it, let me beat you to the punch and say it is NOT affiliated with, endorsed by, or in collaboration with "the Church." The film is presented by the Center for Bioethics and Culture (of whom I've never even heard before this), and directed by Jennifer Lahl. Nothing in the film is religious in any way, shape, or form. Rather, it is full of facts and research, and a chock full of interviews with women who have been through the process of egg "donation."
Primarily, I am hoping that The Good Eggs, if she still reads my blog, is able to read this and watch the film. I hope that it can help her.
The film shows how these women are treated, from the solicitation process (mostly college campus bulletin boards or college newspaper ads, offering up to $100,000 for these smart, healthy, college-educated women's eggs. In essence, for "The Good Eggs.") to the actual procedure of hyperstimulation, retrieval, and the aftermath. What college student do you know who couldn't benefit from that amount of money?
Horror stories ensued. One of the women going through this process was a medical student, and is now a Dr - she had the foresight to ask about short and long-term risks to her health, and yet she was still put through the assembly line, and suffered the consequences. What occurs in every single hyperstimulation, whether it be as part of an IVF or an egg retrieval for "donation," is that the woman will get an EXTREME surge of estrogen, which will then drastically drop. That intense unopposed estrogen has already been linked to breast cancer. And yes, you guessed it, one of these young women got breast cancer not once, but twice, years after her egg donation process. (She also became infertile, by the way.) Another had a stroke and was paralyzed on her left side. Still another died at age 31.
But there is no research being done on the aftermath of egg "donation" (are the quotations self-explanatory now?) - no one really seems to care, at least, not the infertility industry, what happens to these women after they are put through the process to retrieve their biological material. Once we get what we want from them, it's a moot point, right?
Wrong. These are human beings. Living, breathing women made in the image and likeness of God. (*Those are my words - to reiterate, God is not brought up at all in this film, so please, educate yourself and watch it, and don't refuse on the premise that it is "tied to the Church.") These women are NOT walking egg-machines. You can't put a price on someone's biological material, but that is exactly what the infertility industry is trying to do.
The thing is... egg "donors" are not the only ones going through this process, nor are they the only ones putting themselves at risk for short and long-term health problems. Anyone who does IVF is also put through this process.
For more information, please visit:
www.eggsploitation.com
Thursday, November 18, 2010
ADVENT PRAYER BUDDIES
It's that time of year again. Can you believe a whole year has passed since the very first installment of Blog Prayer Buddies??
I am so excited to announce sign-ups for this Advent!
Please go here and sign up, NOW!
Can't wait to get prayin' ;) Deadline to sign up is Wednesday, November 24th, so hurry! A big thank you to Joy Beyond the Cross for her excellent organizational skills.
I am so excited to announce sign-ups for this Advent!
Please go here and sign up, NOW!
Can't wait to get prayin' ;) Deadline to sign up is Wednesday, November 24th, so hurry! A big thank you to Joy Beyond the Cross for her excellent organizational skills.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
"Put That in your Stool Sample Kit and Mail it"
This became my new catch-phrase yesterday, after I said it to DH ;)
(I'm going to skip right over the IL/money stuff in this post, suffice to say we will be moving forward with the lawyer shortly and hopefully work things out. Things just cannot continue like this.)
Anyway, I am all set to do my stool sample as recommended by the NaPro Dr out in California, to test for yeast primarily. In order to do it properly, I had to stop taking all vitamins and minerals for 3-4 days. I'm on day 2 of no supplements. I feel the difference. As do my bowels (or lack thereof).
I am also at the end of my unmedicated (no Metformin) cycle, and have all of my labwork results. My regular NaPro Dr went over them with me yesterday and was surprised to see that aside from my LH/FSH ratio being elevated (almost 3:1), nothing else in the labs would tip her off that I even have PCOS :) My androgens, testosterone, DHEA, etc. were all very low in normal ranges! I am so happy! I seem to be getting healthier. She wants me to try staying off Metformin for the time being, and I'm ok with that. I guess it was my crutch drug after all, and as long as I'm eating healthy, I don't really need it. (For now.)
My hormones pre and post-Peak were good, except progesterone was a tad on the low side unmedicated. I'm not so bummed by that, and already knew it based on the premenstrual spotting I always get when I'm not taking progesterone. Actually I suspected they would be much worse without Metformin. We were already planning on giving compounded progesterone a shot, and I'll be doing that this upcoming cycle.
I'm banking on the fact that getting my nutrition and diet in gear will in turn have even more positive impact on my ovarian hormone function.
Thyroid hormones were great. The Free T3, which Dr D in CA wanted to see above 3.5 was only 3.0. However, this was the first unmedicated cycle, and my adrenals are not yet working at their optimal capacity. There has been improvement already just in the short time in which I've been implementing these dietary changes, and it went from 2.8 to 3.0. I am going to give it another several cycles and test again before making the decision whether or not to go back on T3. I obviously would much rather not have to a) pay so much per month and b) live "by the clock" for the remainder of my reproductive years, but I'm not wholly opposed to being on a medication that can help me to live healthier and function better.
Once we are in the house (and yes, we believe we will be closing, thanks to the emergency fund I've been saving for years but was hoping not to have to deplete), I will be contacting the nutritionist Dr D recommended. I may also decide to contact this place, which I've looked into oh about 100 times already but never made the move to make an actual appointment. I have no idea why, since I've tried just about everything else... actually LSW was suggested to me by a fellow Practitioner who has PCOS. I will let you know if I move forward with them.
Finally, to end on a very positive note, my DH became a Knight of Columbus last night! He's at his first meeting right now. I'm so proud of him! You should have seen him showing off his little pin and rosary to me last night, it was too cute. This was the man who, when we were first dating, told me he thought our souls became dirt and trees and grass when we died... ;)
(I'm going to skip right over the IL/money stuff in this post, suffice to say we will be moving forward with the lawyer shortly and hopefully work things out. Things just cannot continue like this.)
Anyway, I am all set to do my stool sample as recommended by the NaPro Dr out in California, to test for yeast primarily. In order to do it properly, I had to stop taking all vitamins and minerals for 3-4 days. I'm on day 2 of no supplements. I feel the difference. As do my bowels (or lack thereof).
I am also at the end of my unmedicated (no Metformin) cycle, and have all of my labwork results. My regular NaPro Dr went over them with me yesterday and was surprised to see that aside from my LH/FSH ratio being elevated (almost 3:1), nothing else in the labs would tip her off that I even have PCOS :) My androgens, testosterone, DHEA, etc. were all very low in normal ranges! I am so happy! I seem to be getting healthier. She wants me to try staying off Metformin for the time being, and I'm ok with that. I guess it was my crutch drug after all, and as long as I'm eating healthy, I don't really need it. (For now.)
My hormones pre and post-Peak were good, except progesterone was a tad on the low side unmedicated. I'm not so bummed by that, and already knew it based on the premenstrual spotting I always get when I'm not taking progesterone. Actually I suspected they would be much worse without Metformin. We were already planning on giving compounded progesterone a shot, and I'll be doing that this upcoming cycle.
I'm banking on the fact that getting my nutrition and diet in gear will in turn have even more positive impact on my ovarian hormone function.
Thyroid hormones were great. The Free T3, which Dr D in CA wanted to see above 3.5 was only 3.0. However, this was the first unmedicated cycle, and my adrenals are not yet working at their optimal capacity. There has been improvement already just in the short time in which I've been implementing these dietary changes, and it went from 2.8 to 3.0. I am going to give it another several cycles and test again before making the decision whether or not to go back on T3. I obviously would much rather not have to a) pay so much per month and b) live "by the clock" for the remainder of my reproductive years, but I'm not wholly opposed to being on a medication that can help me to live healthier and function better.
Once we are in the house (and yes, we believe we will be closing, thanks to the emergency fund I've been saving for years but was hoping not to have to deplete), I will be contacting the nutritionist Dr D recommended. I may also decide to contact this place, which I've looked into oh about 100 times already but never made the move to make an actual appointment. I have no idea why, since I've tried just about everything else... actually LSW was suggested to me by a fellow Practitioner who has PCOS. I will let you know if I move forward with them.
Finally, to end on a very positive note, my DH became a Knight of Columbus last night! He's at his first meeting right now. I'm so proud of him! You should have seen him showing off his little pin and rosary to me last night, it was too cute. This was the man who, when we were first dating, told me he thought our souls became dirt and trees and grass when we died... ;)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
So much to post...
and so little time in which to actually sit down and do it.
I have a couple of very important posts that I am meaning to write, but now is not the time.
Instead, I want to ask for your prayers if I may. One of my husband's and my HUGE sufferings is our finances/his work. He is in business with his father (and mother, who is a "partner"), and he literally has to fight tooth to nail to get any money when he needs it. Forget about a paycheck or a salary, he doesn't get one.
Well, a few weeks ago one of their clients paid them a good chump of change. DH told me he was going to take most of it because, after all, WE needed it with the house purchase looming. Well, he got less than 1/8th of it. When he went back this week to ask for more, he found out they had spent it all. Yes, that's right, my in-laws felt it more important to pay two months of their mortgage, on a home they intend to give to my sister-in-law as soon as we move out, rather than a)pay DH what is OWED to him, b)make sure we can get the house we so badly want, and c)have the only thing in our lives that has the potential to bring us out of the emotional and spiritual rut we've been in.
They have made it abundantly clear, if they haven't already, that we, to them, are worthless without children.
I don't often talk about finances on this blog, but it has been and continues to be one of the MAJOR major sources of suffering in our lives. Thank God for my jobs!! I seriously praise God every day because without my jobs, we would have absolutely no money and no way to pay our bills.
But my jobs are still not enough to pay the mortgage in full and all the bills.
And I am so scared of what could happen once we are in the house. So. very. scared.
I've emailed a lawyer and asked for advice, and we will probably have to bring him in as a 3rd party to sort all of this nonsense out and finally hold my in-laws accountable for everything they've been doing. But I have knots in my stomach thinking about this. They already make us feel worthless. I'm scared to death of what this will do to our relationship with them... can you believe that?? I'M scared to death of what hiring an objective 3rd party to sit them down and let them know they can no longer get away with this, but for the past 4.5 years they've felt just fine in treating us this way.
Please pray... I knew it was too soon to talk about the house being a definite thing...
I have a couple of very important posts that I am meaning to write, but now is not the time.
Instead, I want to ask for your prayers if I may. One of my husband's and my HUGE sufferings is our finances/his work. He is in business with his father (and mother, who is a "partner"), and he literally has to fight tooth to nail to get any money when he needs it. Forget about a paycheck or a salary, he doesn't get one.
Well, a few weeks ago one of their clients paid them a good chump of change. DH told me he was going to take most of it because, after all, WE needed it with the house purchase looming. Well, he got less than 1/8th of it. When he went back this week to ask for more, he found out they had spent it all. Yes, that's right, my in-laws felt it more important to pay two months of their mortgage, on a home they intend to give to my sister-in-law as soon as we move out, rather than a)pay DH what is OWED to him, b)make sure we can get the house we so badly want, and c)have the only thing in our lives that has the potential to bring us out of the emotional and spiritual rut we've been in.
They have made it abundantly clear, if they haven't already, that we, to them, are worthless without children.
I don't often talk about finances on this blog, but it has been and continues to be one of the MAJOR major sources of suffering in our lives. Thank God for my jobs!! I seriously praise God every day because without my jobs, we would have absolutely no money and no way to pay our bills.
But my jobs are still not enough to pay the mortgage in full and all the bills.
And I am so scared of what could happen once we are in the house. So. very. scared.
I've emailed a lawyer and asked for advice, and we will probably have to bring him in as a 3rd party to sort all of this nonsense out and finally hold my in-laws accountable for everything they've been doing. But I have knots in my stomach thinking about this. They already make us feel worthless. I'm scared to death of what this will do to our relationship with them... can you believe that?? I'M scared to death of what hiring an objective 3rd party to sit them down and let them know they can no longer get away with this, but for the past 4.5 years they've felt just fine in treating us this way.
Please pray... I knew it was too soon to talk about the house being a definite thing...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The House
I've been getting quite a few comments, emails, and texts inquiring about the house, and how things are progressing. You may have noticed (and been cursing me, silently to yourselves) that I have promptly ignored all of these inquiries.
Our closing is set for November 22nd. After several headaches with the mortgage committment, we do have one, and it was contingent on 19 things being completed. Yes, 19. We are down to 3. So things are looking good!
The reason I have not spoken about the house is because I don't want to assume everything is going to go over without a hitch. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT expecting something bad to happen. But I'm just being cautious. If it doesn't go through, I will be ok, but only because I have been guarding myself by not getting overly excited before it's officially ours.
(Please know that your inquiries always made me smile - to know that you all are rooting for this to go through, praying for it, even, is a great consolation to me! I cannot WAIT to celebrate with you all and share lots of pictures.)
We have radon in the basement, which we will be paying to filter. At first we asked the sellers to cover this expense, but then found out AFTER that our FHA loan required a few repairs. The sellers are going to take care of those repairs, so we felt it fair to pay for the radon system. I am trying to have the installation done on the Monday of closing, so that we don't have to spend even one night in the house with radon above the appropriate level. I know many may say it's not a huge deal, especially since it's in the basement only, but with my DH being a former smoker, I just feel better knowing NO lung cancer-causing agents are present in our home. Period.
The FHA repairs are an upgrade of the electrical system (from 110 to 220 amps) and a replacement of a handrail on the front porch.
I am getting very antsy. Haven't even started packing yet!! But now that it's 1.5 weeks away, I think this may actually happen for us :)
So that's the news on the house.
Our closing is set for November 22nd. After several headaches with the mortgage committment, we do have one, and it was contingent on 19 things being completed. Yes, 19. We are down to 3. So things are looking good!
The reason I have not spoken about the house is because I don't want to assume everything is going to go over without a hitch. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT expecting something bad to happen. But I'm just being cautious. If it doesn't go through, I will be ok, but only because I have been guarding myself by not getting overly excited before it's officially ours.
(Please know that your inquiries always made me smile - to know that you all are rooting for this to go through, praying for it, even, is a great consolation to me! I cannot WAIT to celebrate with you all and share lots of pictures.)
We have radon in the basement, which we will be paying to filter. At first we asked the sellers to cover this expense, but then found out AFTER that our FHA loan required a few repairs. The sellers are going to take care of those repairs, so we felt it fair to pay for the radon system. I am trying to have the installation done on the Monday of closing, so that we don't have to spend even one night in the house with radon above the appropriate level. I know many may say it's not a huge deal, especially since it's in the basement only, but with my DH being a former smoker, I just feel better knowing NO lung cancer-causing agents are present in our home. Period.
The FHA repairs are an upgrade of the electrical system (from 110 to 220 amps) and a replacement of a handrail on the front porch.
I am getting very antsy. Haven't even started packing yet!! But now that it's 1.5 weeks away, I think this may actually happen for us :)
So that's the news on the house.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Our Patron Saints
My patron Saint for 2011 is Eugene de Mazenod, and my husband's patron Saint is Ambrose.
The patron Saints of dysfunctional families and bee keepers, respectively.
Sometimes in life, God makes a big funny.
The patron Saints of dysfunctional families and bee keepers, respectively.
Sometimes in life, God makes a big funny.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
"Treatment" Update
It's been a while since I spoke about what I'm doing treatment-wise. Really, it's because I haven't been focused on these treatments as a way of restoring my fertility, but rather to restore my health. My ultimate goals would be to attain for the remainder of my life: a) more energy, b) regularity (not the menstrual kind, the other kind), c) good levels of all vitamins, especially D, d) no more tail-end brown bleeding (TEBB) at the ends of my periods, and e) no more post-Peak pasty discharge. Many of these issues have been due in one part or another to my chronic stress. I am working on getting that balanced, and getting healthier. If from improved health I also experience improved fertility, well of course that would be wonderful and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't further motivation for me. However, I am following this new "treatment" regimen in a much more laid-back manner than any of the fertility treatments I've tried in the past. Somehow over the past 4.5 years, I've been blessed with something I never, ever had in my lifetime: patience!
So, here is the consult letter from Dr D (NaPro California, recommended to me by Dr B - NaPro Ireland, at this year's AAFCP meeting), which I received back in August. I figured I would share her suggestions for me with my readers, in case you feel this information could benefit you, as well.
Dear TCIE,
It has been a pleasure talking with you and going over your records. I am in agreement with Dr. Check who believes that your failure to get pregnant thus far is due to PCOS, mild endometriosis, and adhesions. I think you may have been overtreated on medications that are not helpful. Although you have a few immunological labs that are slightly abnormal, it is more likely the PCOS, endometriosis, and adhesions are the source of infertility. For the adhesions, I agree with the approach of Dr. Check to normalize your hormones and have a repeat laparoscopy for adhesions if you do not conceive after a few months. Progesterone can work wonders. I would give yourself longer because if you are improving nutrition and taking supplements, it will take more like six months to a year or more to normalize insulin, cortisol and bowel function. If you have another laparoscopy it should be at a world class center for laparoscopic treatment of endometriosis such as the Nezhats in California or Atlanta, the Duke Center for endometriosis, or possibly the physicians Dr. Check recommended. Another laparotomy could cause more adhesions.
Significant factors affecting your fertility are your adrenal fatigue, low body mass index, and poor intestinal function. In improving your general health, your endometriosis will improve, and by improving your diet and nutritional status your ovarian function should improve.
I would like to focus on several areas:
1) PCOS
You are a "thin" PCOS person. Even with a lower weight, you can still experience insensitivity to insulin and fluctuations in blood sugar. These have a direct effect on your ovarian function. Looking back, your fasting blood sugar was 94 in 2007 (before Metformin). This is suboptimal for a young woman. By stabilizing your blood sugar, your progesterone will rise. You are on Metformin now, but at some point might not really need it. At a later time it would be good to see how your ovaries function without it. The hallmark of regulating glucose and insulin is diet. We spoke briefly about a low glycemic diet. TCIE, you MUST eat breakfast every day and have protein for all three meals and adequate fiber. You need to carefully monitor carbohydrates. You need to stop sugar. High quality foods are very healing for PCOS and endometriosis. I am sending a formal referral to K.W. of the Lavalle Metabolic Institute for help with a PCOS diet, and also taking into account your food allergies, constipation, and need for more body fat. K. is a pleasure to work with. If you have cravings for sugars and carbs, these can be addressed through diet and supplements and will helpyou follow a better diet. Also daily mild exercise (walking 20 minutes for example) helps glycemic control. Suggestions for supplements will be below.
2) Adrenal Fatigue
When you have stressed out adrenals, you may experience "cortisol steal" so that your body ceases to make adequate sex steriod hormones in order to produce cortisol. You are now being given Cortef for this in maximal doses for a female. I eblieve it is important to address and correct the underlying causes of adrenal fatigue and get your adrenals working on their own. One possible cause is unstable blood sugar/insulin. As you improve blood sugar control the adrenals will work better. A really good bood about the interaction between blood sugar, insulin, and cortisol is The Schwarzhein Principle by Diana Schqarzhein. Other sources of adrenal fatigue could be intestinal inflammation due to food allergy and possibly yeast. Chronic viral infection can be an issue. I have in mind your shingles outbreak. Of course emotional stress can play a part. It is important also to get adequate sleep, at least 7-8 hours a night and even more than 8 whtn your adrenals are recovering. If you have insomnia you need to correct it. Coffee and sugar exacerbate adrenal fatigue, mild not excessive exercise will help also. Supplements are an important part of an adrenal recovery program. They include adequate pantothenic acid, Vitamin C, adrenal glandular extract, and adaptogens (botanicals) that help regulate your adrenals. When you are on an adrenal recovery program and correct the underlying causes, at some point you should be able to wean off cortisol. You should read Dr. James Wilson's book on Adrenal Fatigue.
3) Low Body Mass Index/? Low Estrogen
Although some women can conceive with a BMI of 20, others need to get their BMI in a range of 21-25. Increased body fat will improve your estrogen status. This may help correct the thin emdometrium in the luteal phase. It is not a quick fix, but after a few months if you have an improved diet and higher weight you could see this type of improvement. You should gain 10 lbs. of fat. In the interim, in some patients I have found a low dose estradiol patch will improve endometrial thickness (Vivelle .025). Sometimes I use this in the luteal phase and some time throughout the entire cycle. It would be helpful to obtain or repeat a day 2-3 FSH, and estradiols in the pre and post-Peak periods (along with progesterone)- off your drugs. You have not hadthis type of workup to check this for a few years, I think.
4) Bowel function
Constipation and bowel movements every three days have multifaceted negative effects. Your liver excretes metabolized hormones and toxins from your own body and from external sources. If you are not have one (or two or three) bowel movements daily these excretory products from the liver are not being removed, but are instead reabsorbed and recirculated. In addition, there is considerable immune lymphoid tissue in the gut. This can malfunction if there is inflammation from yeast, food allergy or other sources. Also, the intensive antibiotic therapy may have produced imbalances that are hard to correct. There is a high probability of yeast and dysbiosis. You stated that several years ago an Ayurvedic practitioner gave you some botanicals that improved liver/excretory function and made your acne go away. We would hope to accomplish the same thing. It is critically important to diagnose and treat yeast as soon as possible.
5) Thyroid
I would suspect yu have have suboptimal thyroid function. Did you say you had low basal body temperatures? Your temperatures at all times should be above 97.8 oral especially in the first three days of the cycle and if they dip below this, it might indicate suboptimal thyroid function. When you have poor adrenal function, you do not convert T4 to T3, and T3 is actually the active thryoid hormone. Your TSH, Free T4 and Reverse T3 appear normal. However, the latest Free T3 off treatment I saw was in 2007. It was 2.8 (2.3-4.2). You want your free T3 to be in the upper 1/3 - above 3.5. If you have low body temperatures, dry skin, constipation, and slow reflexes you may be clinically hypothyroid. I know you have gotten diverse opinions on this and been overtreated at one point. High thyroid does not cause birth defects. If you have a fertility problem, it is better to be a little too high thyroid than too low. You need to start correcting the adrenals before the thyroid. Once you are on adrenal supplements/meds, you can begin supplementing thyroid with a T3 containing product. Armour thyroid is an option, but since you have food allergies and possible mild immune problems sustained release T3 is better. You should get a new set of thyroid labs including TSH, Free T4 and Free T3. If your Free T3 is below 3.5 and you are clinically hypothyroid, get compounded sustained release T3. Get 7.5mcg tabs. Take one 7.5 for 2 weeks, then 2x 7.5 for 2 weeks, then 3 x 7.5. After a month on 22.5 SR T3, get a T3 level in the AM BEFORE taking the T3. Normally you should take the T3 on arising, but not the day of the test. You adjust the dose until it is in the upper thurd of the T3 range. DISREGARD IF YOU DO NOT HAVE HYPOTHYROID SYMPTOMS, YOUR BASAL BODY TEMPERATURE IS NORMAL, AND YOUR FREE T3 IS IN THE UPPER THIRD.
These are my recommendations:
A. More testig.
1. Maybe I didn't see all the tests, but some of yours are out of date. I would consider going off Metformin for 2-4 weeks or longer to get baseline glucose/insulin testing. You have never had a GTT. 25% of women who have PCOS, including thin ones, have an abnormal glucose tolerance. I would get a Hemoglobin A1C off Metformin (althought his takes a long time to reflect being off Metformin). Then do a fasting adn 2 hr 75 gram glucose tolerance and fasting and 2 hr 75 gram insulin at the same time.
2. Repeat day 2-3 FSH, pre-Peak estradiols, and post-Peak estradiol and progesterone on P+5, 7, and 9. We do not have a very good idea of what is going on with your hormones right now. It would help assess your estradiol production.
3. You need a good stool analysis to test for yeast and dysbiosis. It wouldn't hurt to check overall inflammation level, parasites and limited food allergy effect. A good one is the DiagnosTechs complete profile. It is about $200-250. I can order it for you from my office and you can mail the kit back. It includes saliva samples for antibodies.* I have reached a new low. I will be mailing my POO cross-country. Suddenly the song "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" is playing in my head, with slightly modified lyrics...
4. Consider repeat food allergy testing with Metametrix in the future.
B. Dietary consult with K.W. for PCOS, weight gain, food allergy and constipation. Please fax the latest chemistry labs, CBC, thyroid and your food allergy profile to her at: (provides #). She will send you a questionnaire and then you can make a telephone appointment. We should send her your stool analysis when you do this. Ask her what she thins about the validity of the rice sensitivity elicited by your LEAP (it might not be real).
C. Meds and Supplements:
The meds you have listed are baby aspirin, Lovenox, Metformin, Naltrexone, and Prometrium. I personally do not think there is enough evidence to keep you on Lovenox (or even baby aspirin). With your constipation issue, I would recommend to switching to progesterone vaginal capsules 600 mgs (compouded by Kubat ) P+3-P+12. The Prometrium puts too much burden on your liver, creates metabolites that recirculate and is constipating. I would not be surprised if 600 mgs progesterone vaginal capsules straighten out your bleeding. *(I would be.)
I think the Naltrexone is good. I recommend going off Metformin temporarily, and see how you do off and on it perhaps for three months at a time. You have said you are going back on Cortef and Biaxin. Why are you going back on Biaxin? I personally would not take any more antibiotics ever unless you have a very clear indication. If the Toth protocol did not clear up brown bleeding, Biaxin is not liekly to. If you go back on Cortef, I would consider lower than a total of 20mgs per day - maybe 7.5 in the AM and 5 at noon. Or consider compounded sustained release cortisol 10 mgs in the AM.
The supplements I have listed for you are Vitamin E, D 4,000, Calcium 1200, Nature's Best probiotic, fish oil, chinese herbs. An oversight of mine is that I did not recognize that you were on Chinese herbs. I am not sure they are compatible with the herbs that I am recommending for you. In addition, I worry about herbs sourced from China or India because they are often contaminated with lead, mercury, and other heavy metals. These can be extremely harmful. I willr ecommend botanicals for you but I am not sure if they are compatible with your chinese herbs. You should not continue both without more expert consultation. I am chagrined you Chinese practitioner is giving you herbs for your "cycle" but has not addressed or fixed your constipation. This to me is a red flag. I would recommend you go off these herbs while you are initiating new ones for your liver and adrenals. If you do not want to do this, get a consultation with one of the doctors at the Lavalle Metabolic Institute who is an expert in hebs. These docs also could help address other problems and be very helpful with supplements, with a greater depth of experience than myself. * (I ran out of the Chinese herbs over the summer, and haven't taken them since. I only included this part of the letter so that those of you combining acupunture/TCM with other nutritional/holistic/supplemental approaches would be aware that they may not be compatible and could actually work against you.)
Recommended Supplements:
1. Optivite: This is the premier PCOS vitamin. You need a high dose vitamin to include enough Bs. You cannot get enough in one vitamin, and need to take 4-6 a day. Six would be better. 4 in the AM and 2 in the PM (4:00PM or dinner). It also has 1500mgs of C which is good for adrenal fatigue and selenium for the thyroid. 180 pills, 6 per day for 30 days is $18.
2. Adrenal Supplements: You did not give me your blood pressure. There are two possible adrenal supplement programs for you:
a. If your BP is < 120/80 (Mine is) and excellent adrenal supplement is Adren-All from Orthomolecular. Take 2 in the AM and one at noon for now. It includes adrenal glandular extract, Panthothenic acid 350 mgs and a good selection of adaptogenic herbs. You can get this on the internet (amazon).
b. If your BP is >120/80 an alternate program is adrenal CORTEX 250 mg (Allergy Research Group) (not whole adrenal) 2 in the AM and one at noon; Phyto ADR (Pure encapsulations). Take 2 in the AM, one at noon or 4 PM. If you continue to have sugar cravings there are other alternatives.
3. Liver Support
You should take milk thistle 150-300mgs two times daily or LIV52 (Himalaya) two times daily for now. Milk thistle is widely available. LIV you can get on the internet.
4. For constipation you should take fiber 35-45 mgs daily. Learn the fiber content of foods. I would recommend ground flax seed, which you can add to shakes. For constipation AND adrenal fatigue, you should also add Magnesium glycinate, citrate, oxide, or other magnesium 150-200mgs 3 times daily. This will not be excessive even in addition to the Magnesium in Optivite. In addition, another 100 mgs of Vitamin C will help constipation. You could actually go up in 100 increments to higher Vitamin C until constipation disappeared.
5. You almost certainly have yeast and dysbiosis. You will need a yeast treatment program. First you should do a stool analysis. Then you should get a strong probiotic such as KlaireLabs TherBiotic Detox support with 50 billion organisms for a couple months, followed by a good but less potent maintenance probiotic.
TCIE, I wish you the best in your attempts to get pregnant. Please email me for further questions.
Sincerely yours,
Dr. D
Our phone consult lasted almost 2 hours. She has been soooo nice and helpful, and I am so thankful that I found her! Another big plus is that my local NaPro Dr is so awesome, and has been helping me to implement all of these suggestions, as well as lining up all the testing for me. I am currently doing the pre and post-Peak OFF MEDS (off Metformin) bloodwork this cycle, and my NaPro Dr also had me do an ultrasound series, which I did on myself ;) I saw a cumulus oopherus, which is great because on other ultrasound series we haven't always seen one. (The cumulus oopherus is the cloud of cells that you can sometimes see on ultrasound in the dominant follicle. It forms around an egg, and ONLY forms around an egg - so if you see one, it is proof that there is an egg in the follicle, but if you don't see one, it may just be too small to see.)
I briefly came off Naltrexone before reading this letter in its entirety, because Naltrexone was really expensive. However, that was the cycle I had the raging week+ long PMS. So I spoke with a client of mind who actually compounded her OWN Naltrexone, and she told me how to do it. So, my kitchen has now become a compounding pharmacy, and I'm paying $10 for a YEAR'S WORTH of LDN (low dose Naltrexone!) because I get 30 tabs of 50mgs, and one 50 mg tab lasts 2 weeks! I used to pay $45 for one month!!
I am in the process of weaning off the Hydocort/Cortef, to start the Adren-All supplement Dr D recommended. I am down to 2 pills per day, and will likely start the Adren-All when the next cycle starts, so as not to throw off the labwork too much in this cycle.
I ordered the Optivite, and I'm surprised I never knew about this vitamin until now, it being the premier PCOS vitamin and all! I am taking 4 of those and 1 of my Neevo (because I do believe the L-methylfolate in Neevo is crucial for my MTHFR... I cannot process regular folic acid, high doses or otherwise, so the Neevo makes it in the already broken-down form).
I've been taking Magnesium since I spoke to Dr D back in August, as well as improving my diet with more protein and fiber. She had also suggested I stop dairy, which she didn't write in the letter. The combination of all of these things has lead to regularity, which has been AWESOME!
I still take my baby aspirin daily, but no more Lovenox for me. If I ever do get pregnant, I will really have to do some thinking about whether or not to go back on the Lovenox... it's a tough one...
I will be doing the stool analysis this cycle, and am interested in starting that detox program for yeast and dysbiosis. Maybe it will help my post-Peak pasty, too?
I've been using Agave Nectar as a sweetener in my tea and in cooking. I don't generally eat too many sweets, but I do enjoy the ocassional gluten-free/dairy-free brownie. Mmmm... brownies...
Next cycle my local NaPro Dr and I have plans to begin the high-dose compounded vaginal progesterone capsules post-Peak. I seriously doubt it will take care of the brown bleeding, but we'll see.
I have not started the milk thistle yet, I keep forgetting to buy it when I'm at the store. Does anyone else take this?
So, things are moving along in the nutrition/supplement field, but my chart has not yet shown any improvement. In fact, the past 5 or 6 cycles, I have had the WORST mucus I've ever had, throughout the whole Peak-buildup. Gummy and Gluey, every time. It is sometimes lubricative, sometimes crystal clear, sometimes stretchy (mostly tacky, though)... ALWAYS gummy/gluey. It. Sucks. In fact, the last beautiful, perfect 10KLs I've seen were the cycle of my last surgery in June, when I was in Cancun... without DH. Since then it's been MIA.
But interestingly, one of the things we look for with a NaPro follicle study ultrasound is the cervix, and the width of the cervix (if it has fluid in it, indicating it is open with cervical mucus present). And on ultrasound, during the days when I was only seeing gummy/gluey mucus, my cervix was TO DIE FOR. Seriously, if you had seen it, you would have wanted it. I have the best cervix on the block. No joke. It was WIDE open, not just in one section (which I often see when scanning other women), but ALL the way throughout the cervix, with beautiful mucus galore. Now we were taught in ultrasound school that fluid is anechoic (void of echoes) and therefore shows up black on ultrasound. We were also taught that other tissue types, like fat, skin, muscle, bone, have varying degrees of sound attenuation and therefore differing echogenicities... but one thing we never learned is how does sound behave through gummy/gluey cervical mucus?? Becuase it certainly appeared BLACK and anechoic, indicating it was fluid (liquidy mucus, you know, the GOOD kind)... so what the heck is going on? Did I have great mucus IN the cervix that just didn't want to come out, so it sent its retarded gummy/gluey cousin out onto my toilet paper??
And like Eddie Izzard, I like to end my blog posts with that kind of... Hmmph... feeling, so...
So, here is the consult letter from Dr D (NaPro California, recommended to me by Dr B - NaPro Ireland, at this year's AAFCP meeting), which I received back in August. I figured I would share her suggestions for me with my readers, in case you feel this information could benefit you, as well.
Dear TCIE,
It has been a pleasure talking with you and going over your records. I am in agreement with Dr. Check who believes that your failure to get pregnant thus far is due to PCOS, mild endometriosis, and adhesions. I think you may have been overtreated on medications that are not helpful. Although you have a few immunological labs that are slightly abnormal, it is more likely the PCOS, endometriosis, and adhesions are the source of infertility. For the adhesions, I agree with the approach of Dr. Check to normalize your hormones and have a repeat laparoscopy for adhesions if you do not conceive after a few months. Progesterone can work wonders. I would give yourself longer because if you are improving nutrition and taking supplements, it will take more like six months to a year or more to normalize insulin, cortisol and bowel function. If you have another laparoscopy it should be at a world class center for laparoscopic treatment of endometriosis such as the Nezhats in California or Atlanta, the Duke Center for endometriosis, or possibly the physicians Dr. Check recommended. Another laparotomy could cause more adhesions.
Significant factors affecting your fertility are your adrenal fatigue, low body mass index, and poor intestinal function. In improving your general health, your endometriosis will improve, and by improving your diet and nutritional status your ovarian function should improve.
I would like to focus on several areas:
1) PCOS
You are a "thin" PCOS person. Even with a lower weight, you can still experience insensitivity to insulin and fluctuations in blood sugar. These have a direct effect on your ovarian function. Looking back, your fasting blood sugar was 94 in 2007 (before Metformin). This is suboptimal for a young woman. By stabilizing your blood sugar, your progesterone will rise. You are on Metformin now, but at some point might not really need it. At a later time it would be good to see how your ovaries function without it. The hallmark of regulating glucose and insulin is diet. We spoke briefly about a low glycemic diet. TCIE, you MUST eat breakfast every day and have protein for all three meals and adequate fiber. You need to carefully monitor carbohydrates. You need to stop sugar. High quality foods are very healing for PCOS and endometriosis. I am sending a formal referral to K.W. of the Lavalle Metabolic Institute for help with a PCOS diet, and also taking into account your food allergies, constipation, and need for more body fat. K. is a pleasure to work with. If you have cravings for sugars and carbs, these can be addressed through diet and supplements and will helpyou follow a better diet. Also daily mild exercise (walking 20 minutes for example) helps glycemic control. Suggestions for supplements will be below.
2) Adrenal Fatigue
When you have stressed out adrenals, you may experience "cortisol steal" so that your body ceases to make adequate sex steriod hormones in order to produce cortisol. You are now being given Cortef for this in maximal doses for a female. I eblieve it is important to address and correct the underlying causes of adrenal fatigue and get your adrenals working on their own. One possible cause is unstable blood sugar/insulin. As you improve blood sugar control the adrenals will work better. A really good bood about the interaction between blood sugar, insulin, and cortisol is The Schwarzhein Principle by Diana Schqarzhein. Other sources of adrenal fatigue could be intestinal inflammation due to food allergy and possibly yeast. Chronic viral infection can be an issue. I have in mind your shingles outbreak. Of course emotional stress can play a part. It is important also to get adequate sleep, at least 7-8 hours a night and even more than 8 whtn your adrenals are recovering. If you have insomnia you need to correct it. Coffee and sugar exacerbate adrenal fatigue, mild not excessive exercise will help also. Supplements are an important part of an adrenal recovery program. They include adequate pantothenic acid, Vitamin C, adrenal glandular extract, and adaptogens (botanicals) that help regulate your adrenals. When you are on an adrenal recovery program and correct the underlying causes, at some point you should be able to wean off cortisol. You should read Dr. James Wilson's book on Adrenal Fatigue.
3) Low Body Mass Index/? Low Estrogen
Although some women can conceive with a BMI of 20, others need to get their BMI in a range of 21-25. Increased body fat will improve your estrogen status. This may help correct the thin emdometrium in the luteal phase. It is not a quick fix, but after a few months if you have an improved diet and higher weight you could see this type of improvement. You should gain 10 lbs. of fat. In the interim, in some patients I have found a low dose estradiol patch will improve endometrial thickness (Vivelle .025). Sometimes I use this in the luteal phase and some time throughout the entire cycle. It would be helpful to obtain or repeat a day 2-3 FSH, and estradiols in the pre and post-Peak periods (along with progesterone)- off your drugs. You have not hadthis type of workup to check this for a few years, I think.
4) Bowel function
Constipation and bowel movements every three days have multifaceted negative effects. Your liver excretes metabolized hormones and toxins from your own body and from external sources. If you are not have one (or two or three) bowel movements daily these excretory products from the liver are not being removed, but are instead reabsorbed and recirculated. In addition, there is considerable immune lymphoid tissue in the gut. This can malfunction if there is inflammation from yeast, food allergy or other sources. Also, the intensive antibiotic therapy may have produced imbalances that are hard to correct. There is a high probability of yeast and dysbiosis. You stated that several years ago an Ayurvedic practitioner gave you some botanicals that improved liver/excretory function and made your acne go away. We would hope to accomplish the same thing. It is critically important to diagnose and treat yeast as soon as possible.
5) Thyroid
I would suspect yu have have suboptimal thyroid function. Did you say you had low basal body temperatures? Your temperatures at all times should be above 97.8 oral especially in the first three days of the cycle and if they dip below this, it might indicate suboptimal thyroid function. When you have poor adrenal function, you do not convert T4 to T3, and T3 is actually the active thryoid hormone. Your TSH, Free T4 and Reverse T3 appear normal. However, the latest Free T3 off treatment I saw was in 2007. It was 2.8 (2.3-4.2). You want your free T3 to be in the upper 1/3 - above 3.5. If you have low body temperatures, dry skin, constipation, and slow reflexes you may be clinically hypothyroid. I know you have gotten diverse opinions on this and been overtreated at one point. High thyroid does not cause birth defects. If you have a fertility problem, it is better to be a little too high thyroid than too low. You need to start correcting the adrenals before the thyroid. Once you are on adrenal supplements/meds, you can begin supplementing thyroid with a T3 containing product. Armour thyroid is an option, but since you have food allergies and possible mild immune problems sustained release T3 is better. You should get a new set of thyroid labs including TSH, Free T4 and Free T3. If your Free T3 is below 3.5 and you are clinically hypothyroid, get compounded sustained release T3. Get 7.5mcg tabs. Take one 7.5 for 2 weeks, then 2x 7.5 for 2 weeks, then 3 x 7.5. After a month on 22.5 SR T3, get a T3 level in the AM BEFORE taking the T3. Normally you should take the T3 on arising, but not the day of the test. You adjust the dose until it is in the upper thurd of the T3 range. DISREGARD IF YOU DO NOT HAVE HYPOTHYROID SYMPTOMS, YOUR BASAL BODY TEMPERATURE IS NORMAL, AND YOUR FREE T3 IS IN THE UPPER THIRD.
These are my recommendations:
A. More testig.
1. Maybe I didn't see all the tests, but some of yours are out of date. I would consider going off Metformin for 2-4 weeks or longer to get baseline glucose/insulin testing. You have never had a GTT. 25% of women who have PCOS, including thin ones, have an abnormal glucose tolerance. I would get a Hemoglobin A1C off Metformin (althought his takes a long time to reflect being off Metformin). Then do a fasting adn 2 hr 75 gram glucose tolerance and fasting and 2 hr 75 gram insulin at the same time.
2. Repeat day 2-3 FSH, pre-Peak estradiols, and post-Peak estradiol and progesterone on P+5, 7, and 9. We do not have a very good idea of what is going on with your hormones right now. It would help assess your estradiol production.
3. You need a good stool analysis to test for yeast and dysbiosis. It wouldn't hurt to check overall inflammation level, parasites and limited food allergy effect. A good one is the DiagnosTechs complete profile. It is about $200-250. I can order it for you from my office and you can mail the kit back. It includes saliva samples for antibodies.* I have reached a new low. I will be mailing my POO cross-country. Suddenly the song "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" is playing in my head, with slightly modified lyrics...
4. Consider repeat food allergy testing with Metametrix in the future.
B. Dietary consult with K.W. for PCOS, weight gain, food allergy and constipation. Please fax the latest chemistry labs, CBC, thyroid and your food allergy profile to her at: (provides #). She will send you a questionnaire and then you can make a telephone appointment. We should send her your stool analysis when you do this. Ask her what she thins about the validity of the rice sensitivity elicited by your LEAP (it might not be real).
C. Meds and Supplements:
The meds you have listed are baby aspirin, Lovenox, Metformin, Naltrexone, and Prometrium. I personally do not think there is enough evidence to keep you on Lovenox (or even baby aspirin). With your constipation issue, I would recommend to switching to progesterone vaginal capsules 600 mgs (compouded by Kubat ) P+3-P+12. The Prometrium puts too much burden on your liver, creates metabolites that recirculate and is constipating. I would not be surprised if 600 mgs progesterone vaginal capsules straighten out your bleeding. *(I would be.)
I think the Naltrexone is good. I recommend going off Metformin temporarily, and see how you do off and on it perhaps for three months at a time. You have said you are going back on Cortef and Biaxin. Why are you going back on Biaxin? I personally would not take any more antibiotics ever unless you have a very clear indication. If the Toth protocol did not clear up brown bleeding, Biaxin is not liekly to. If you go back on Cortef, I would consider lower than a total of 20mgs per day - maybe 7.5 in the AM and 5 at noon. Or consider compounded sustained release cortisol 10 mgs in the AM.
The supplements I have listed for you are Vitamin E, D 4,000, Calcium 1200, Nature's Best probiotic, fish oil, chinese herbs. An oversight of mine is that I did not recognize that you were on Chinese herbs. I am not sure they are compatible with the herbs that I am recommending for you. In addition, I worry about herbs sourced from China or India because they are often contaminated with lead, mercury, and other heavy metals. These can be extremely harmful. I willr ecommend botanicals for you but I am not sure if they are compatible with your chinese herbs. You should not continue both without more expert consultation. I am chagrined you Chinese practitioner is giving you herbs for your "cycle" but has not addressed or fixed your constipation. This to me is a red flag. I would recommend you go off these herbs while you are initiating new ones for your liver and adrenals. If you do not want to do this, get a consultation with one of the doctors at the Lavalle Metabolic Institute who is an expert in hebs. These docs also could help address other problems and be very helpful with supplements, with a greater depth of experience than myself. * (I ran out of the Chinese herbs over the summer, and haven't taken them since. I only included this part of the letter so that those of you combining acupunture/TCM with other nutritional/holistic/supplemental approaches would be aware that they may not be compatible and could actually work against you.)
Recommended Supplements:
1. Optivite: This is the premier PCOS vitamin. You need a high dose vitamin to include enough Bs. You cannot get enough in one vitamin, and need to take 4-6 a day. Six would be better. 4 in the AM and 2 in the PM (4:00PM or dinner). It also has 1500mgs of C which is good for adrenal fatigue and selenium for the thyroid. 180 pills, 6 per day for 30 days is $18.
2. Adrenal Supplements: You did not give me your blood pressure. There are two possible adrenal supplement programs for you:
a. If your BP is < 120/80 (Mine is) and excellent adrenal supplement is Adren-All from Orthomolecular. Take 2 in the AM and one at noon for now. It includes adrenal glandular extract, Panthothenic acid 350 mgs and a good selection of adaptogenic herbs. You can get this on the internet (amazon).
b. If your BP is >120/80 an alternate program is adrenal CORTEX 250 mg (Allergy Research Group) (not whole adrenal) 2 in the AM and one at noon; Phyto ADR (Pure encapsulations). Take 2 in the AM, one at noon or 4 PM. If you continue to have sugar cravings there are other alternatives.
3. Liver Support
You should take milk thistle 150-300mgs two times daily or LIV52 (Himalaya) two times daily for now. Milk thistle is widely available. LIV you can get on the internet.
4. For constipation you should take fiber 35-45 mgs daily. Learn the fiber content of foods. I would recommend ground flax seed, which you can add to shakes. For constipation AND adrenal fatigue, you should also add Magnesium glycinate, citrate, oxide, or other magnesium 150-200mgs 3 times daily. This will not be excessive even in addition to the Magnesium in Optivite. In addition, another 100 mgs of Vitamin C will help constipation. You could actually go up in 100 increments to higher Vitamin C until constipation disappeared.
5. You almost certainly have yeast and dysbiosis. You will need a yeast treatment program. First you should do a stool analysis. Then you should get a strong probiotic such as KlaireLabs TherBiotic Detox support with 50 billion organisms for a couple months, followed by a good but less potent maintenance probiotic.
TCIE, I wish you the best in your attempts to get pregnant. Please email me for further questions.
Sincerely yours,
Dr. D
Our phone consult lasted almost 2 hours. She has been soooo nice and helpful, and I am so thankful that I found her! Another big plus is that my local NaPro Dr is so awesome, and has been helping me to implement all of these suggestions, as well as lining up all the testing for me. I am currently doing the pre and post-Peak OFF MEDS (off Metformin) bloodwork this cycle, and my NaPro Dr also had me do an ultrasound series, which I did on myself ;) I saw a cumulus oopherus, which is great because on other ultrasound series we haven't always seen one. (The cumulus oopherus is the cloud of cells that you can sometimes see on ultrasound in the dominant follicle. It forms around an egg, and ONLY forms around an egg - so if you see one, it is proof that there is an egg in the follicle, but if you don't see one, it may just be too small to see.)
I briefly came off Naltrexone before reading this letter in its entirety, because Naltrexone was really expensive. However, that was the cycle I had the raging week+ long PMS. So I spoke with a client of mind who actually compounded her OWN Naltrexone, and she told me how to do it. So, my kitchen has now become a compounding pharmacy, and I'm paying $10 for a YEAR'S WORTH of LDN (low dose Naltrexone!) because I get 30 tabs of 50mgs, and one 50 mg tab lasts 2 weeks! I used to pay $45 for one month!!
I am in the process of weaning off the Hydocort/Cortef, to start the Adren-All supplement Dr D recommended. I am down to 2 pills per day, and will likely start the Adren-All when the next cycle starts, so as not to throw off the labwork too much in this cycle.
I ordered the Optivite, and I'm surprised I never knew about this vitamin until now, it being the premier PCOS vitamin and all! I am taking 4 of those and 1 of my Neevo (because I do believe the L-methylfolate in Neevo is crucial for my MTHFR... I cannot process regular folic acid, high doses or otherwise, so the Neevo makes it in the already broken-down form).
I've been taking Magnesium since I spoke to Dr D back in August, as well as improving my diet with more protein and fiber. She had also suggested I stop dairy, which she didn't write in the letter. The combination of all of these things has lead to regularity, which has been AWESOME!
I still take my baby aspirin daily, but no more Lovenox for me. If I ever do get pregnant, I will really have to do some thinking about whether or not to go back on the Lovenox... it's a tough one...
I will be doing the stool analysis this cycle, and am interested in starting that detox program for yeast and dysbiosis. Maybe it will help my post-Peak pasty, too?
I've been using Agave Nectar as a sweetener in my tea and in cooking. I don't generally eat too many sweets, but I do enjoy the ocassional gluten-free/dairy-free brownie. Mmmm... brownies...
Next cycle my local NaPro Dr and I have plans to begin the high-dose compounded vaginal progesterone capsules post-Peak. I seriously doubt it will take care of the brown bleeding, but we'll see.
I have not started the milk thistle yet, I keep forgetting to buy it when I'm at the store. Does anyone else take this?
So, things are moving along in the nutrition/supplement field, but my chart has not yet shown any improvement. In fact, the past 5 or 6 cycles, I have had the WORST mucus I've ever had, throughout the whole Peak-buildup. Gummy and Gluey, every time. It is sometimes lubricative, sometimes crystal clear, sometimes stretchy (mostly tacky, though)... ALWAYS gummy/gluey. It. Sucks. In fact, the last beautiful, perfect 10KLs I've seen were the cycle of my last surgery in June, when I was in Cancun... without DH. Since then it's been MIA.
But interestingly, one of the things we look for with a NaPro follicle study ultrasound is the cervix, and the width of the cervix (if it has fluid in it, indicating it is open with cervical mucus present). And on ultrasound, during the days when I was only seeing gummy/gluey mucus, my cervix was TO DIE FOR. Seriously, if you had seen it, you would have wanted it. I have the best cervix on the block. No joke. It was WIDE open, not just in one section (which I often see when scanning other women), but ALL the way throughout the cervix, with beautiful mucus galore. Now we were taught in ultrasound school that fluid is anechoic (void of echoes) and therefore shows up black on ultrasound. We were also taught that other tissue types, like fat, skin, muscle, bone, have varying degrees of sound attenuation and therefore differing echogenicities... but one thing we never learned is how does sound behave through gummy/gluey cervical mucus?? Becuase it certainly appeared BLACK and anechoic, indicating it was fluid (liquidy mucus, you know, the GOOD kind)... so what the heck is going on? Did I have great mucus IN the cervix that just didn't want to come out, so it sent its retarded gummy/gluey cousin out onto my toilet paper??
And like Eddie Izzard, I like to end my blog posts with that kind of... Hmmph... feeling, so...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Get Your 2011 Patron Saint!
Last year I was blown away by just how perfect my Patron Saint for 2010 was... and wow, did the Archangel Raphael ever intercede fervently on my behalf for my spiritual healing. I remember thinking how funny that my "case" called for an archangel, no ordinary human could handle me ;)
I'm so excited to find out who will be my Patron Saint for 2011! Go check it out and sign up yourself!
http://michaelgabrielraphael.blogspot.com/2010/10/patron-saint-draw-2010.html
I'm so excited to find out who will be my Patron Saint for 2011! Go check it out and sign up yourself!
http://michaelgabrielraphael.blogspot.com/2010/10/patron-saint-draw-2010.html
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