Saturday, November 13, 2010

So much to post...

and so little time in which to actually sit down and do it.

I have a couple of very important posts that I am meaning to write, but now is not the time.

Instead, I want to ask for your prayers if I may. One of my husband's and my HUGE sufferings is our finances/his work. He is in business with his father (and mother, who is a "partner"), and he literally has to fight tooth to nail to get any money when he needs it. Forget about a paycheck or a salary, he doesn't get one.

Well, a few weeks ago one of their clients paid them a good chump of change. DH told me he was going to take most of it because, after all, WE needed it with the house purchase looming. Well, he got less than 1/8th of it. When he went back this week to ask for more, he found out they had spent it all. Yes, that's right, my in-laws felt it more important to pay two months of their mortgage, on a home they intend to give to my sister-in-law as soon as we move out, rather than a)pay DH what is OWED to him, b)make sure we can get the house we so badly want, and c)have the only thing in our lives that has the potential to bring us out of the emotional and spiritual rut we've been in.

They have made it abundantly clear, if they haven't already, that we, to them, are worthless without children.

I don't often talk about finances on this blog, but it has been and continues to be one of the MAJOR major sources of suffering in our lives. Thank God for my jobs!! I seriously praise God every day because without my jobs, we would have absolutely no money and no way to pay our bills.

But my jobs are still not enough to pay the mortgage in full and all the bills.

And I am so scared of what could happen once we are in the house. So. very. scared.

I've emailed a lawyer and asked for advice, and we will probably have to bring him in as a 3rd party to sort all of this nonsense out and finally hold my in-laws accountable for everything they've been doing. But I have knots in my stomach thinking about this. They already make us feel worthless. I'm scared to death of what this will do to our relationship with them... can you believe that?? I'M scared to death of what hiring an objective 3rd party to sit them down and let them know they can no longer get away with this, but for the past 4.5 years they've felt just fine in treating us this way.

Please pray... I knew it was too soon to talk about the house being a definite thing...

34 comments:

polkadot said...

Oh, TCIE, I am so so sorry. You are always in my prayers, and I will definitely pray for this situation specifically now.

prayerfuljourney said...

I will keep you and your dh in my prayers...having financial problems is rough especially when it's not completely necessary...ie..in-laws pay your dh like they are suppose too. I've heard it's hard to be in business with family and friends.

THey may not like an lawyer coming into the picture...but what other choice did they leave you?

Hoping this all gets resolved soon!

Jenny said...

Wow. I am so sorry. How terrible that some people are like this!! They make me incredibly grateful for my wonderful parents-in-law. You and your husband are in my prayers.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Oh, no. This is very sick and wrong. I am so sorry. That is some twisted dynamic going on there. I will pray!!!

Anonymous said...

It had to get this bad for him to see that he has to cut these business ties to with his parents, not only to develop his own independent life and family, but also (remind him) to save his relationship with his parents. They may always be unfair towards their children, but that doesn't have to impact YOUR life, if you are no longer dependent on them for your financial stability. They can't be counted on...how much more clear could they make it. I'm praying for you both as you assert yourselves for your family's future.

-big sis

A Martha trying to be Mary said...

I am so very sorry TCIE! you truly need a break!! I have a knot in my stomach reading this.

So very sad and wrong. Will continue praying and praying to their guardian angels so they bring some sense into your political family!

Second Chances said...

Yeah, that's a pretty gross situation. You are doing the right thing by putting an end to the disfunction. Sounds like maybe they are controlling? You definitely need your independence. Boundaries! Family can become controlling and manipulative under the geise of being helpful. Before we know it, we're hiring lawyers, like you guys! Seriously though, we're keeping you in prayer during this challenging situation. There must be a particular saint for this...I'll research.

Angela said...

Oh this sounds like an awful situation to be in! :( I'm really sorry you and DH are having to struggle through this! Could he potentially get a job elsewhere? It definitely sounds like it will take a lawyer to sort it all out! Will offer up prayers for this at Mass this morning!

God Alone Suffices said...

Oh my goodness...this is so awful! I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry and I'll definitely be praying for you!

JellyBelly said...

I'm sending you prayers!!! Thank goodness I read this before mass!

mrsblondies said...

I'll definitely offer some extra prayers for you! I'm so sorry that the financial situation is so tough on you and R due to the choices of your ILs. I hope the situation can get worked out before the closing and it sucks that you'll have to get a lawyer involved, but it's been going on such a long time.

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

Oh my goodness, this sounds like a terrible situation. I will pray hard for you guys.

Lisa said...

Lots of prayers for you. Don't lose hope-- I have a feeling that your luck is going to change, and soon.

surpriseofunfolding said...

You and your dh (and also your inlaws) are in my prayers. Finances are a suffering for us as well as my dh has been out of a steady job about 3 years now, and is starting his own business ... without me working we'd really be in trouble. And my job is causing me alot of suffering right now too (though I think God intends for it to at this moment, as it is teaching me to let go of my pride).

I cannot imagine that stress as well as the stress of having this blatant unfairness in the treatment of different family members, not to mention the feeling of being devalued due to not having children.

I pray for love, justice, and peace to come out of this situation. And also your house.

Hugs,

Andie

Tridentine Wife said...

Oh wow, my prayers are defnitely with you and being offered up for you. I can't imagine how scary this all is for you and I hope that things sort through and the lawyer comes up with a peaceful resolution.

Megan said...

WOW. What is their problem???? That is so strange that they would short you guys like that! I am praying for a change in their hearts and that things work themselves out with the house. Hang in there!

Mary said...

aw girl you are in my prayers! what a stinky situation! :( I hope it works out very soon so that the stress doesn't stick around!!!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

That whole situation is just infuriating! Praying for you.

Sew said...

This makes me want to fight!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. Will be praying.

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

This is definitely not right. I will pray for justice. I just hate that it is dealing with the in-laws. Hugs

Danya @ He Adopted Me First said...

Wow. This makes me so sad. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I hope and pray that they are not punishing you in some weird way for having IF. I guess I wonder if I'd want to stay tied in with them or have hubs make a break. You know best. I will pray for discernment...family and money...toughies!

the misfit said...

Whether or not you're considered valuable kids, I'm stunned that your in-laws see fit to take your husband's labor and pay him nothing. I would assume they wouldn't do that to a stranger. I can certainly see that in a family business, everyone is willing to "delay" the family's paychecks until cash flow improves (with no interest on late payments, of course), and that could be annoying, but I never imagined that they would refuse to pay him AT ALL (and even when they have the money!). I'm floored. I am so, so glad to hear you have a lawyer involved. I hope that he is able to explain to them what sort of pain (mostly financial) they will suffer in a lawsuit if they don't resolve this appropriately. Do BOTH of them feel this way? And, honestly, I have never heard of a family favoring the kid who has multiple children out of wedlock with different fathers over the kid who is responsibly married (even if s/he doesn't have kids yet).

WOW.

Will be praying. Also, I hope your DH is looking for another job...?

Thankful said...

Praying for you and this awful situation.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Ugh...this whole situation just stinks. I am sorry for the craziness that has gone on. And it has gone on way too long - obviously! I will say a prayer for you and ask St. Joseph for his intercession.

The Comeaus said...

Of course, I will pray for you too.

Financial problems are a huge burden for my husband and me as well, though there is no injustice involved as in your case.

I hope that everything can be settled peacefully, but if somene else has to get involved, then so be it. It sounds like freedom from your in-laws, emotionally and financially speaking, would do you both so much, much good. They can only keep treating you this way if they are allowed to, and I hope you and hubby can find a way to find a solution.

And don't give up on the house yet. :)

andnotbysight said...

Wow, this is awful. It really makes me angry to hear about this! I'll be praying!

Right Said Red said...

You are right to consult a lawyer. Is your DH searching for another job? Sounds like a new job is the best thing he can do for your marriage! Big prayers he finds something else soon...or maybe starts his own business w/o his parents (he couldn't do worse unemployed, right?).

barbie said...

praying for you.

callmemama said...

It's so hard sometimes to work with family, but this is beyond ridiculous. What are they thinking, not paying him?! I hope your lawyer can help you work things out so that you can buy your house and make a move towards independence from your inlaws. And hopefully even a new job will be on the horizon?

Sunshine said...

Sorry. I feel so bad for this seemingly impossible family situation- family stuff is so very hard to deal with & so very emotional. It is a shame that your husband's (and yours) whole livelihood is being held hostage by his parents. Can you try to seperate your not having children out of the mix to make it easier on yourself?- it is not your fault one bit! Fight for what you are owed but most importantly I pray your husband fights for it & sticks up for himself and his dignity and worth which is sticking up & protecting you! Prayers, many prayers for you!

Beth said...

Will pray. I hate worrying about money. HATE. IT.

C. said...

I'm so sorry you and your husband are having to deal with that from his family. How horrible! :(

Erin said...

This situation with you IL's totally sucks. I just can't believe it and really hope the attorney can help mend things.