Friday, October 1, 2010

The Dilemma

I feel like I have a dilemma.

I started this blog as a way to chronicle my journey through infertility (Catholic-style, as my subtitle states). This blog has been a blessing to me in more ways than one, and I intend to continue blogging even though I am no longer so focused on fertility tests and treatments.

But the dilemma is, have I abandoned my readers? Where once I was right there in the trenches with them, feeling every single ache and pain associated with infertility (and inability to adopt), and articulating those feelings frequently in various posts, now I rarely have things to write about. I'm not sure in which direction to take the blog, if I do gear it away from fertility/adoption. And that's another conundrum... should I continue writing about fertility/adoption and my feelings on the matter at THIS point in my life, which may be helpful for my readers, but may also ultimately eat away at me until the peace and joy I've attained has succumbed to anxiety, frustration, and depression?

My inclination is to want to continue writing about infertility/adoption/foster care, which was the original purpose of the blog. But just as I've exhausted all efforts in trying to get pregnant and trying to adopt/foster, I think I've also exhausted all of my thoughts and feelings on infertility and adoption. There's just not much more to say that I haven't already written.

I just really wonder if my presence in "blog world" is helping anyone anymore.

Well, in a last-ditch effort to bring some "fertility"ness to this post, here's an uneventful update:

I am CD... (hold on, gotta look at my chart)... 9 today. No good mucus yet that I have seen, but my mucus has been absolutely horrendous the past 4 or 5 cycles. I am very frustrated by that because my health seems to be improving, so why wouldn't this be reflected in my mucus? Ironically, the best mucus I've seen this past year was the cycle of my surgery, while I was in Cancun and DH wasn't. I also had 2 days of brown bleeding at the end of my period again, along with about 4 days of premenstrual spotting. I know my progesterone was low - the ovulation was not a strong one last cycle, and it was early (CD 11). I really don't know what to think about my messed up body anymore.

On the diet front, I have gone completely dairy-free, and in small bouts will have gluten now. I'd say all-in-all I am about 90% gluten-free. But the dairy elimination has done wonders for my digestion, more than the gluten-free diet ever did. It's funny, because I paid $600 for a LEAP food sensitivity blood test that showed cow's milk was a very low sensitivity for me. Guess not. I'm also laughing at the fact that about 2.5 years ago, I tried The Fertility Diet, with lots of whole milk products for PCOS. Ah well, we win some, we lose some.

So.

If any of my readers have suggestions for what you'd like me to post about, please share them. I still want to be a resource for those suffering from infertility, but I don't know the best way to do this anymore.

23 comments:

Erin said...

I think you should still chronicle your faith and relationship with God. I know I would love to read about that. It still would be an appropriate title, TCIE. :)

Megan said...

You are still important in the blog world! It wouldn't be the same without you!

I think that your blog should be about your journey in faith and things going on in your life. :)
I'm sure that most of your readers are invested in you as a person and not just your fertility journey! I am at least! :)

Also, I think that the peace that you are experiencing is inspirational, and you are an amazing witness! So please keep writing about whatever your heart desires. We will still be reading every word!

Ann - Building a Nest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachael said...

I have been a reader for a little over a year and enjoy reading your posts, whether on fertility or other matters in your life. It was already mentioned that your title would still be appropriate, and I agree. God gives us all multiple crosses, and I have enjoyed reading about yours.
Plus I can't wait to see pictures, if you choose to post them, of your new house-it sounds awesome!

JellyBelly said...

I love your blog!!!!

I think that you should blog about what is on your mind. I know that I don't always write about IF (or write anything, like the past week!) but I feel like my blog is my part of the Internet that I can use how I want.

Btw, now that I'm gf I can tolerate more dairy. I need to do the food testing, but I'm so afraid that my already limited diet would be even more restrictive!

Rebecca said...

I agree with Megan & Erin, just write about what IS going on in your life. I'm sure there will still be days when you feel called to write about your infertility and you will be happy to have this space on those days.

matchingmoonheads said...

I say you should post about your life! Or whatever details you want to share. "This cross" affects your whole life and I'd love to continue hearing how you're dealing with your cross, even if it doesn't feel as heavy right now. I agree, blogging about IF all the time, especially if you don't feel you have anything new to say and feel pressure, but still, it helps to see what happens on the 'other side'. You definitely have a place in the blog world! Anyways, I hope that made sense.
By the way, I was wondering about that dairy thing too...because I've heard COMPLETELY contradicting things, either TONS or NONE. So crazy! How can either be right? I'm currently in the "loading up" phase (part of that is Mexico's fault) but still, I'm curious what the mechanisms are for why it helps/hurts? Either way, glad to hear you're feeling better!

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

Your blog is still a tremendous asset to our community. You are showing a side of infertility that is a very real reality-and there are very few who can show us this side in the way that you do.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

I second most of the other posers. Write about what is on your heart - whether it be infertility, house hunting, awesome food that you ate / cooked, how God is moving in your life. The blogs I love the most have a variety of things. But that is just my two cents, probably not worth much. By the way, anything new on the home front - when do you guys close, etc.?

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Um, I am bit tired, as you could probably tell. I meant to say "posters" not posers. I really don't even know what they would be "posing" for...okay, I am just going to stop now. Good night! ;)

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Keep writing on anything at all, because I will read anything you write. I will read if you decide to post your grocery list twice a week.

I do love your spiritual insights, by the way. More, please?

Sew said...

I will beat your embracing cross a$$ if you stop blogging.

Praying for Hope said...

Blog for yourself. You still have things to say, IF-related or not.

Brittany said...

In my opinion, your blog should be about whatever you want it to be. I enjoy following your blog no matter what you are writing about. So don't worry, you will not be losing this reader anytime soon! :)

The Comeaus said...

You know, a blog goes through so many seasons as our lives change and grow. You may move away from one topic as the Lord draws you in another direction about it, but one thing that He will never draw you away from is praising Him, sharing His action in your life, and so on. So, if your blog takes a different route, but still talks about the ups and downs of your experiences--whatever they may be--and God's hand in them, then I am very sure that no reader will feel you are not "helpful" anymore. God never allows us to stay stuck in the same situation forever; change is good!

In fact, as for me, I love your blog not so much for the pain and difficulties you share--although that is a huge reason, because I feel I can relate to it so well--but mostly for the way you *handle* it. You are an inspiration no matter what you write about, and it's perfectly okay to just write about "ordinary" things now that you do not feel so pressured about conceiving. Don't feel guilty if you feel the need to change the topic of your blog--that's part of the process, isn't it?

Oh, a word of encouragement about your health and mucus and all that: I, too, could become discouraged at first, but I've noticed that it takes 3-6 months to REALLY see a difference in fertility after making major lifestyle changes, so hang in there! When our bodies need extra care, it will take longer. Just keep doing all the good things you're doing.

I also find it very helpful to try not to think too much about my fertility when I exercise, eat better and so on; rather, I tell myself, "Yes, I want badly to conceive, but I'm doing this also for my own health's sake. I can only be useful to anybody if I'm healthy."

Elizabeth

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

You should still blog! You can blog about yourself and your relationship with God, and keep us updated on your fertility issues. You've become one of my staple blogs that I can't wait to read, I'd be lost without you! lol ;)

barbie said...

Don't you DARE leave lady!

Oh and I want to to do the "who is reading my blog thing" I'm interested!

Love your blog and love you!

Sew said...

Oh and E asked if we should invite any bloggers and I said I already did! hahahahahaha ;) She knows....hahahah Though I'm sure she assumed with my mouth! ;)

Complicated Life said...

I'm a little late to respond but...

I will read anything you write. I just want to know about your life, even if it's not about fertility, but about your house, work, or whatever!

Cecilia said...

Keep writing! As someone said - I think most readers are invested in you as a person so write whatever you feel like writing -IF, day-to-day, thoughts and ideas. Anything!

Little JoAnn said...

Keep giving us those amazing spiritual insights whether inspired by your Cross if IF or just waking up and putting your feet on the cold floor. In other words, everything you have to say, is important because its YOU saying it!

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

WRITE WOMAN! haha. Please don't stop:) I love reading your blog and it comforts me to know that there are others out there who are struggling too. Plus, you are so real and honest...I love it! HUGS:)

callmemama said...

I guess I never think about whether my blogging is helping anyone, but rather whether I'm getting anything out of it. I say, as long as it is helpful, not harmful, to continue blogging, no matter what you feel like writing about...then KEEP ON KEEPING ON!
I don't mind reading things that aren't IF related. I think it really helps us all got to know each other beyond our cycles :). And, goodness knows I don't always stick to IF topics on my blog...