I feel like I have a dilemma.
I started this blog as a way to chronicle my journey through infertility (Catholic-style, as my subtitle states). This blog has been a blessing to me in more ways than one, and I intend to continue blogging even though I am no longer so focused on fertility tests and treatments.
But the dilemma is, have I abandoned my readers? Where once I was right there in the trenches with them, feeling every single ache and pain associated with infertility (and inability to adopt), and articulating those feelings frequently in various posts, now I rarely have things to write about. I'm not sure in which direction to take the blog, if I do gear it away from fertility/adoption. And that's another conundrum... should I continue writing about fertility/adoption and my feelings on the matter at THIS point in my life, which may be helpful for my readers, but may also ultimately eat away at me until the peace and joy I've attained has succumbed to anxiety, frustration, and depression?
My inclination is to want to continue writing about infertility/adoption/foster care, which was the original purpose of the blog. But just as I've exhausted all efforts in trying to get pregnant and trying to adopt/foster, I think I've also exhausted all of my thoughts and feelings on infertility and adoption. There's just not much more to say that I haven't already written.
I just really wonder if my presence in "blog world" is helping anyone anymore.
Well, in a last-ditch effort to bring some "fertility"ness to this post, here's an uneventful update:
I am CD... (hold on, gotta look at my chart)... 9 today. No good mucus yet that I have seen, but my mucus has been absolutely horrendous the past 4 or 5 cycles. I am very frustrated by that because my health seems to be improving, so why wouldn't this be reflected in my mucus? Ironically, the best mucus I've seen this past year was the cycle of my surgery, while I was in Cancun and DH wasn't. I also had 2 days of brown bleeding at the end of my period again, along with about 4 days of premenstrual spotting. I know my progesterone was low - the ovulation was not a strong one last cycle, and it was early (CD 11). I really don't know what to think about my messed up body anymore.
On the diet front, I have gone completely dairy-free, and in small bouts will have gluten now. I'd say all-in-all I am about 90% gluten-free. But the dairy elimination has done wonders for my digestion, more than the gluten-free diet ever did. It's funny, because I paid $600 for a LEAP food sensitivity blood test that showed cow's milk was a very low sensitivity for me. Guess not. I'm also laughing at the fact that about 2.5 years ago, I tried The Fertility Diet, with lots of whole milk products for PCOS. Ah well, we win some, we lose some.
If any of my readers have suggestions for what you'd like me to post about, please share them. I still want to be a resource for those suffering from infertility, but I don't know the best way to do this anymore.