Monday, June 14, 2010

Sausage

So I've just returned from the pre-op appt with Dr Ste.gman.

Ohhhhhh that pelvic exam.
What's interesting is that I did have a bit of pain, mostly on the left, during the exam. Uh oh. I asked if that was my ovary, and he said he is not sure if it's ovary or rectum/stool. (Why would my stool hurt?)

So I'm hoping that's not adhesions. Not that endo re-growth is much better, but I feel like endo is a bit easier to get rid of than adhesions (LifeHopes can probably attest to that).

I asked about that fimbriatic cyst on my left side. Apparently I was mistaken and it is a paratubal cyst, very small, and is slightly involved with the fimbria but has its own "stalk" connecting it to the tube. He said he has seen this many times before, and at such a small size, it is not interfering with the fimbria's ability to scoop over the ovary and pick up the egg. But that if I am concerned about it, he will see if he can remove it during this lap. He also said this type of cyst they know to come from embryonic cells... when he first said that my heart skipped a beat. I stupidly thought for some reason he was telling me that I had, at least once in my life, conceived life inside of me. Nope. No such luck. It was from MY embryonic cells - I've had this cyst since I was an embryo! (Now I kinda feel bad getting rid of it!)

I also asked about my thyroid hormones, which were recently tested again and everything came back in beautifully perfect range (TSH 1.13, ideal) except the reverse T3 was elevated again. It was in the "normal range" as given by the lab, but the upper normal, and my NaPro Dr said it was high. This is what caused me to go on T3 to begin with. That and my lower-than-optimal basal body temperatures.

Dr S. was the one who suggested I come off T3 since I had been on it over 2 years and had seen no great improvement. He said he doesn't think elevated reverse T3 alone is enough to warrant me going back on a med that did nothing for me. I tend to agree. He did say if I start to have symptoms of a "sick" thyroid, I may consider going on a T3/T4 combo med like Armour. I don't think I need that, either. I have chronic stress. This we already know, from the bacterial vaginosis strain that keeps coming back on my paps - and high reverse T3 is yet another response to stress.

Any ideas on how to relieve stress? Correction: any ideas on how to relieve stress when you have MY life??

*Side note: This morning my DH got some really bad news. His lawyer called and it turns out the "other party" of this legal situation we're dealing with has decided that the PTI (pre-trial intervention) is not a "harsh enough" punishment for my husband, so they are moving to not allow it. PTI would mean that my husband would have this thing expunged from his permanent record after 1.5 years. Without PTI, it goes on his permanent record and hence would likely mean we could not adopt. EVER. In the past when I've written about this I made it sound like the PTI was a given and that our current state of inadoption was only for the time being. Well, not so anymore.

It's like the universe had to squeeze in ONE MORE horrible thing before we leave for Cancun to make June 2009- June 2010 the absolute worst year anyone in the world has ever had. (OK, yes, I'm being dramatic, and yes, I know lots of people have it a LOT worse than I do. But a LOT of people I know have it a LOT BETTER, too.)

So my surgery is on Friday. I am nervous. I'm pretty certain this will be the last surgical adventure I'll have with NaPro anyway. It's my 3rd surgery. If it doesn't improve things, that's it. I'm barren. AND can't adopt. Scary stuff.

Hard not to be angry when you have my life. I just want to bite someone's head off right now. Anyone will do.

38 comments:

Sissy said...

Can't even really think about all you've been through. I do hope that Cancun is a welcome break and is restful for you.

LifeHopes said...

Oh, A. My heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of embryonic cells, too.

I don't think you are at the end of the line, I really don't. This surgery is going to be a BIG help, I just KNOW it!!!

I am praying so hard.

Sew said...

i guess I'm confused as to why he would put you on armour and not check your t3/t4 first? Girl, shoot just get on it and see what happens? You never know! I would be interested to see that T3&T4...

I can't believe your surgery is on Friday! Crazy!

That PTI or PTL thing is ridiculos....Is there anyone you can write a letter too....It seems so harsh and ridiculos.

Just keep on trucking Momma, this too shall pass....This too shall pass....Praying for you!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

Good luck with your surgery on Friday! I hope its a success! :)

and Sew is right, isn't there anyone you can write to or something about that PTI thing??
I'm sorry your going threw this.
Your vacay should be nice and relaxing for you, take that time to just breath! :)

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I'm assuming if it were that easy (writing a letter), than our good friend-of-the-family lawyer who still costs an arm and a leg would have told us. Not sure it's that simple.

Sew, my T3 and T4 were tested, Dr S has those results. I don't remember what they were off-hand, but they were WELL in range. I just had my TSI checked with Dr Kwak and will get those results soon, too (thyroid stimulating immunoglobulins). I have been tested previously for antithyroid antibodies and was negative.
My T4 has never ever been a problem, so I really don't want to be on a med that has T4 in it. I don't want to force myself into hyperthyroidism.

Patiently Waiting said...

Sorry to hear all you are going through. I'll pray the surgery is a success and that Cancun will be a relaxing break for you from all the stress. Take care.

barbie said...

Can we at least see your T3 and T4? I'm curious...

I'm SO very sorry about everything. I continue to pray for you daily.

I hope the surgery produces something great for you!

barbie said...

and i have to ask.....sausage?

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

I would have thought the same thing when I heard "embryonic cells". What a let down. I'll be praying extra hard on Friday!

Shannon said...

uggg sweetie I'm thinking I'd want to bite someone's head off too..

I am praying for you....

I'm glad to read an update.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Everything I want to say just seems so inadequate. So, I will leave it at this...prayers coming your way. I hope you have a great time in Cancun.

prayerfuljourney said...

I still can't get over that the fact that you are going to be travelling to Cancun the day after surgery. You are a woman of much strength. I hope it all goes well and you have a blast on your trip! Have some fun for me will you? I'm praying for you!

Second Chances said...

Man alive. Although I don't know the details of your situation, I do think you have a right to think that your life is extra difficult. And although there are people worse off than you, your situation is painful and difficult and yes, other people do not have half the struggles you've had. It can't be a punishment, because we know God doesn't work that way, so it has to be that you are a suffering soul. Your prayers are very powerful so remember to offer them for whatever intentions you feel most pressing. And know that we will continue to lift you in prayer as well. You're back on our nightly rosary intention list. Not that you ever came off! God bless :)

Second Chances said...

Oh, and what the heck is the sausage reference?!

Tridentine Wife said...

Have a great time in Cancun and try not to think about the awful while you're there. You're in my prayers and I think we're all wondering...sausage?

mrsblondies said...

I hope that Cancun is a relaxing break for you. I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulty with the PTI and I really hope that the other party will relent.

My heart skipped a beat too, when I read embryonic. I'll be praying for your surgery to go well.

Miracle in the Making said...

Oh man, as if everything wasn't hard enough...

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. It's just not fair sometimes.

I'm dedicating my Rosary to you tonight.

Faith makes things possible said...

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I found your blog not that long ago so I'm still new to following your journey but I wanted you to know that I'm definitely thinking about you guys and praying for you guys.

Leila said...

I am so hopeful for the surgery... I think on Friday I will pray till my head explodes. (Hey, but then you wouldn't be able to bite it off....)

Praying for Hope said...

I'll stay out of your way until the head-biting feeling wears off. Until then, good look with Friday's surgery. I hope it's nearer toward morning so you can have it over and done with without too much stress over it.

So the other party is being a PITA over the PTI? I'm sorry. I don't know what the situation was the resulted in that problem, but I'm sorry it's impacted you this way. Something is going to go right sometime. I wish I could tell you when.

callmemama said...

Gaahh! Does whoever is making the decision on your DH's case understand that the decision they're making affects more than your DH - it affects your ability to build a family...EVER? Maybe writing a letter asking them to at least take that into consideration before making their decision couldn't hurt...
What a mess :(. So sorry, and I know "sorry" doesn't cut it, but I just can't believe how many walls are being thrown up in front of you right now :(.

LifeHopes said...

Unfortunately, those of us who have had the privilege of getting an exam by Dr. S know ALL TOO WELL what that sausage reference is all about!!! ha ha ha!!

LifeHopes said...

So the other side is "moving" to not allow the PTI?

I would think, then, that you will get to have a say or at least put forth your argument as to why the PTI is appropriate.

Would it be out of the question to write a personal letter to the judge and explain to him or her your struggle with infertility and that if this goes on his permanent record that you might be forever precluded from adopting? I think that is a compelling argument and should be taken into consideration, if you are willing to let it be known by the judge and others involved. I am so sorry about all of this, I cannot imagine the stress it is causing!! Ugh I am SO sorry! I promise to pray. Also what time is your surgery exactly? I promise to pray the whole time for those sausage fingers to nip this ****-ing IF in the bud! ha ha!

Complicated Life said...

I was guessing that Dr. S has big hands, based on the title of this post... Doesn't sound pleasant.

Life just seems relentless at times, doesn't it? I hope there's something you can do regarding the PTI. I'll say a prayer for you and your dh today.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Hahaha, LifeHopes I was going to ask if you wanted to clarify the title of this post for me!!

I gave the labs to Dr S so I don't know or remember what my T3 and T4 was, Barbie... sorry! I do know the Dr said they were great (she does a lot of thyroid work).

Sew said...

Ya'll should have seen my Dr. S that did my rectal! He was a big boy! ; ) I was traumatized because I had NO idea I was going to need one! And plus it hurt so bad because of the endo I almost kicked him in the face. NO lie.! ;) hahaha I won't put his name down here because I loved him! ;) hahaha

Thankful said...

Praying for your surgery and a safe, RELAXING vacation for you and DH. Clearly, you need it and have earned it in the past year.

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I'm so sorry, A.

I do agree with LH that, depending on the circumstances, you may be able to present this particular circumstance to the judge to try and persuade a PTI if you are willing to open that up. (Most judges are more inclined to favor pre-trial arrangements, at least in my area, and it does depend on the circumstances). I know this has got to be one of the most difficult things you have ever gone through.

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Oh, you may have to email me the sausage reference! Jeremiah was kind enough to detail THE exam for me (and I felt violated reading that), but I still don't get the reference :)

the misfit said...

To relieve stress: perhaps you could be cryogenically frozen for the rest of 2010? That's the only thing that leaps to mind. Because I know you have a LOT on your plate, and though you're under stress, it has to be said that a weaker woman would have dissolved into a puddle of goo by now. I hope the surgery clears things up for you (and the opposing party's motion is denied!).

Erin said...

Your life is stresful, no doubt about it. I wish I had some advice for you, I'm not so good at managing it myself. But I will continue to lift you up in prayer.

Sounds like LH has some good advice about the PTI.

I had some adhesions removed at my last lap, which I do think really helped things out. I hope it works for you, too!

Living Advent said...

praying for you today

LifeHopes said...

Well I've heard you are in recovery ... been praying.

I just KNOW Dr. S found what was causing your infertility and TOOK CARE OF IT!

I am SO excited for you !!!!!!!!!!

expatbarrenness said...

just saw your update over at sew's place - so glad to hear you are through the operation.
i am still chewing on your original post - with you in thought and prayer (and I would come hold a punching bag for you any time I am in the states!) praying you heal quickly and that you have an amazing vacation.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Just wanted to say I hope you are recovering well! Glad all that endo is OUT of you!! Hope you feel great soon and that Cancun is amazing!

KC said...

Hope you are feeling lots better. Been praying! I hope this legal thing works out better than what you have stated here. I can only pray for a miracle at this point!

Big hugs,
Kacy

BabyBoy1203 said...

My husband and I were just able to take a weekend away with our little boy, and although it was only two hours away and only for two days, it did TREMENDOUS good for us as a couple and individually. We were so stressed with so many different things, to the point of feeling physically ill, and during this one little weekend God just bombarded us with grace upon grace. Somehow, although the situations didn't change, He lifted the stress from our hearts anyway. I sincerely hope this happens for you during your vacation.

I find myself praying for you a lot during the day, especially while I'm doing my chores. It seems you have many, many peope praying for you! I will surely continue.

OH: if what happened does go on your husband's permanent record, isn't there the possibility of a pardon in a few years? Here in Canada (I'm American, hubby is Canadian), I know that it's fairly easy to obtain one after a few years and proof of rehabilitation. Wouldn't that make quite a difference for your future as far as adoption is concerned?

JellyBelly said...

First off, sorry I'm coming to the party a little late (I was busy having a IF-related breakdown, but I think that I'm getting past that now).

Secondly, you're a cheeky monkey. Your blog title KILLS me.

Thirdly, you are my hero. I can't believe that you jumped on a plane the morning after having surgery. You girls from NY are made of some tough stuff!

Lastly, praise the Lord that the endo is gone! I'm waiting with baited breath to read the details of your surgery!

Soak in that vitamin D girl! You deserve it, with more than a few margaritas, I hope!!!!