Saturday, June 12, 2010

Anger

This is something I have desperately been trying to work on.

In my counseling sessions, we've recently identified just how much ANGER I have in my life, and just how long it's been there, festering.

Most of the anger has nothing or little to do with the fertility/adoption situations. But there are a TON of circumstances in my life that make me incredibly angry, and it is so very unhealthy for me.

I have been trying to focus on these areas and "purge" them from my system, but since these are longstanding issues, it is very difficult to do. Prayers would be appreciated on that front.

Additionally, I've noticed that when anger takes over my life, I get angry at all sorts of little things that would normally not upset me.
I also feel completely out of control. It is like a downward spiral, and no matter how much I try to change the circumstances in my life, they just keep getting worse and worse, which then makes me even angrier.

And do you know what I am most angry about? That I am in this position of being angry all the time. That's right. I am MOSTLY angry that I am angry.

I am certifiably insane.

15 comments:

barbie said...

you are not insane! I can understand your anger and pray for you daily!!

Patiently Waiting said...

Praying for you...you are not insane! Take care.

Leila said...

Oh, you are DEFINITELY not insane. I know how hard it is to shake anger (not me, but someone very close). But you are going to beat this, because you are not going to let the devil win this battle. No way. It is awesome that you have identified the problem so well. I will be praying!!!

callmemama said...

Oooh yes, anger. Anger and frustration are tough things to get rid of.
You are definitely not insane, but I know it can feel that way sometimes!
Thinking of you...

Vent-ilation said...

Oh, wow! I know what you mean. I am the same way with anger. Different circumstances, but anger is anger. It builds, it boils, and then you feel worse for feeling angry. I've found that avoiding certain people or situations that I know upset me has helped, but in life, that's not always possible. (Not hiding from, but just being aware of and consciously staying away from triggers). It's when you can't avoid things/people that's hard. Hang in there!

Sew said...

You are not insane! You are superwoman! Praying for you Momma!

Erin said...

You are not insane. I am glad you are uncovering things in treatment. C is awesome and she will lead you to skills to deal with this long term. I know from experience that when in counseling things can get harder and worse before getting better. Praying for you all the time!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

Your not insaine, your Italian! ;) I have a few anger issues myself. I will pray for you! I know how frusterating it is sometimes.

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Extra prayers for you.

It takes a long time to work through anger. Through an odd set of circumstances, I had to go through a bit of counseling when I was in my late teens/early college. Before that, I had never known how angry and depressed I was. It was just my “normal” and I didn’t realize there was a different way to be. It’s hard to work through it, but it leads to healing.

Funny thing: I’m not on FB or connected to old friends because I really am just a different person thatn I was then. (I still have anger, but it just doesn’t permeate every aspect of my life). I ran into a high school/college friend at the RE’s office and we talked for maybe 3 minutes, but at the end, she turned back to me and said how different I seemed, that I just seemed happier and calmer. Given that we were clearly not in a happy place (again, RE’s office) and I was there for post m/c stuff, I thought it was funny that she said that.

I'm sure it will get tougher before it gets better, but I have no doubt it will lead to you letting go.

xan said...

I love you.

mrsblondies said...

You are not insane for sure! I can definitely understand your anger, and you are taking steps to try to reduce it. I'm praying for you.

JellyBelly said...

Is it any consolation that I'm feeling the exact same way as you are?

Maybe we can get two for one counselling sessions?

I'm praying for you! Hopefully this phase passes for us, and quickly!

the misfit said...

I can't tell you how much this resonates with me. Especially that last part...here's to making headway with anger (and certifiable insanity) during summer 2010.

(Oh and. I read in some spiritual reflection somewhere that "Man can conquer lust, angels can conquer anger, but only God can conquer pride." I was in college when I read it. I had no trouble with the last part - pride is intractable - but thought lust was a doozy and out of man's control, and anger just didn't seem that bad. Then my dearest friend betrayed me (at least, in my perception. Friendship relinquished, anyway. Long story) and I spent a month in a perpetual fury. I had no idea anyone could be so angry. I was angry all the time - every waking moment. I prayed every day to be able to forgive him because the anger was tormenting me. After weeks I resolved the matter and was able to let go of the anger, but it was an eye-opener. Whoever wrote that quote was right. Lust is easy by comparison.)

LifeHopes said...

I also struggle with a LOT of anger. It is so shameful. And my poor husband gets the brunt of it.

Most of mine probably stems from childhood, issues I never really dealt with fully.

But then ... just when I thought I was getting over all of that, I found out I was IF and it drudged it all back up again. Like, what the heck is going on? How could God let 2 really bad things happen to me that aren't my fault in life?

It tends to come out in little things ... if something is done incorrectly, or someone says something that irks me ... it can linger for days.

This is NOT of God and, like you, I want to free myself of it. I am currently reading a book called "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore. Its about demolishing strongholds in our life. I will let you know if it has any helpful tips.
xoxo

BabyBoy1203 said...

I, too, struggle with anger, and it IS so very destructive, yet so hard to overcome. I will pray for you, hoping you will pray for me on this issue!

It's inspiring that you talk about something most people would never really, honestly admit they struggle with. Thank you for that. I think it will help me make a better confession this weekend. :)

~Elizabeth

P.S. Thank you for your considerate words to my first message to you. It was very welcoming.