Monday, January 11, 2010

Not Out of the Woods... Yet

The meeting was somewhat anti-climatic today. But the good news is, we were not told definitively NO.

Instead, the decision will hinge upon a few things that will transpire over the next week/s or so. All we can do is hope and pray. It's in God's hands from here...

I did, at one point, burst into tears when our Social Worker mentioned to the branch Director that she may want us to wait several more months to re-evaluate. Later when we were alone with the Social Worker, she said she didn't mean to suggest that we absolutely could not continue at this time, and that she had a good feeling the Director was leaning towards letting us continue now (pending the few additional "things" that need to be checked up on). She also made me feel a lot better by telling us this is one of the most difficult things they do in their job... putting someone's home study on hold. So, I felt better at least knowing we're not the only people in the world that this has happened to.

They also did empathize with us, and let us know they realized how tough this must be on us both.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your prayers. I probably wouldn't have made it through that without you behind me spiritually.

Oh yeah, I lied. I cried twice. Toward the end of the meeting the Director looked at me and asked how this set-back has been affecting me personally (remember, I said the real issue pertains to my husband, not me).

I broke down. I said that I felt so hopeless, because adoption has always been something SO SPECIAL to me, something I really held as an ideal. Where most people can have the experience of pregnancy and childbirth, not all people get to experience adoption, and I have known for a long time that that is something I felt called to do. I then expressed how lost I felt in not understanding why God put this hurdle in our path... I was a blubbery mess.

19 comments:

mrsblondies said...

As I posted on FB, I'm glad to hear that things are at least looking better than they were. I hope that the issue regarding your husband and the homestudy is resolvable. I know you don't want to/can't go into details, but it is something that happen in the past that can't change or a current issue that can? I'm praying for you!

Life In Mazes said...

It sounds like you expressed your self very well at the end. I am sure this is so challenging for your husband, too. Praying as always, you are going to be a fantastic mom! I pray that you get the chance to see just how great a mom you will be! God has great plans for you, for your marriage, for you family, for your soul!

Percolating Petals said...

Finally, some empathy from the social worker! Well, I'm glad there's some guarded optimism. You definitely are living out the wedding vows to stick with your husband in good times and in bad. I hope those things you mentioned will come together.

(I had one heck of a sinus headache today and hoped that God would take it to help you!)

WheelbarrowRider said...

Wow, what a day! I can't imagine how helpless you must feel about it all and the waiting and how your dh must feel that something related to him caused you this much pain. I am glad that there is hope now and I will keep praying!

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

TCIE - I think you did a great job at the meeting, in my opinion I think being honest and heartfelt with the Director was the way to go - because it was the truth! I think she would be wondering why if you had said something else. Obviously, it is bothering you and Adoption means the world to you - just reading through your blog will tell anyone that. I was saying prayers for you as I was traveling today. I will keep praying. God Bless!

K and T said...

I am SO encouraged by this meeting and hope you are too. It's great to have them both in your corner. In spite of all this though.....What I keep reminding MYSELF (in our chaos) is, the only player in ALL of this that matters - is the Lord. HE is for us remember.
I feel good about this! :)
K.

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Glad to hear the news wasn't bad. We will keep up the prayers! Stay strong...

Mrs. Mike said...

Not knowing the details, I think things like this come up fairly frequently with adoption and so adoption professionals have to weigh each matter individually. Or at least make a good show of effort that they are maintaining a certain level of "selectivity". KWIM? But from what I've read and seen first hand, very often, they are merciful toward the potential adoptive family. They obviously have the children's best interest in mind but nobody is perfect and they know that.

I say again, God is bigger than all of this anyways. You WILL be a mother!

I'll continue to pray of course that this matter is resolved for you soon. Do you have any idea when you might hear an update?

Sew said...

I was a blubbery mess reading this....

Like Mrs. Mike says YOU WILL BE A MOTHER, you have to hold on to that hope when there is nothing that seems to hold on to. Hope is God and you can do this, I'm praying my hiney off for you!

When do you find out?

Sissy said...

I'm sending you an email...

barbie said...

oh girl, I thought of you all day. prayed my rosary for you! I hope this week keeps looking up. I agree with everyone, it sounds like you handled yourself quite well!!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I can't imagine how hopeless you must feel or how your DH must feel. I just feel everything is going to work out.

JellyBelly said...

Still praying for you my friend!!!!

callmemama said...

I'm glad you didn't get a big NO, but I'm sorry you didn't get the go-ahead just yet. I'm hoping that things fall into place and you can continue on with the adoption process!

Kathryn said...

Oh I am still praying hard for you guys!! I was thinking about you all day...

Renee said...

TCIE - I've been following your blog since this past fall. Would it be possible to email you? I have some questions about my treatment at PPVI.

inallthingsgood said...

oh this all sounds so hard! I am so sorry! I think you handled it just as you should have ... praying the result is a good one. Like the other ladies, I am confident you WILL be a mom. We'll just have to see how God does it...

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Renee, you can absolutely email me at thiscrossiembrace at yahoo dot com.

the misfit said...

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. Obviously I don't know all the details, but it just doesn't seem right. Especially the waiting. Sure, maybe you need to wait for a meeting with the director, but how would a SECOND period of waiting AFTER that accomplish anything other than torturing you? I know I have a standing conclusion that adoption system personnel are evil, but this post is not dispelling that :). Praying for you and a door to be opened here. You've been so patient!