Wednesday, January 20, 2010

No Title

So apparently it's going to take some more time to figure out if we can continue the Home Study or not. It's already been 1 1/2 wks since our meeting.

Things have just been stagnant. Completely and utterly stagnant, and it is unbearable. I am due for AF in a couple of days, and I most likely will have to sit out a cycle of injectables because today I scanned myself and saw a nice, large 5cm cyst on the left ovary. Nice. I guess this is why my NaPro Dr didn't want to use injectables.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm most definitely not pregnant. What else is new.

I'm nearing the end of my rope. I really cannot take too much more of this. And I don't mean the "TTC" stuff- I mean, the doors slamming in my face stuff. I need an avenue to motherhood, and God just keeps making it abundantly clear that I'm not worthy to walk any of those roads. I have a huge lump in my throat... I really just need something good to happen to me for once. Please, God.

18 comments:

Chasing said...

TCIE- I am SO sorry you are going through all this. Please know of my prayers. I hope not a window or a door but a big ol' thruway opens up for you to get on the mom train and SOON!

JellyBelly said...

That's it. We're going off to infertile island! I'll bring the wine!

Don't I wish!

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. I continue to pray for you, my friend!

Sissy said...

I'm so sad for you and I hate that the adoption thing is so sticky. I'll keep you in my prayers...the list keeps getting longer doesn't it?

Sew said...

I really do hate to see you burdened by the weight of your cross. My dear friend if I could take some of that weight or the weight myself I would....

I think your prayer to St. Gianna, I think she took it seriously. hahaha I mean of course your prayer was beautiful and sacrificial. But I really think she took you up on your offer.

There are NO other reasons why the doors slam in your face so abruptly.

The Lord is near you especially while you are burdened. He is closer then you can even imagine.

I believe wholeheartedly that you will become a mother. I have hope for you even when you don't feel it.

Love you!

Second Chances said...

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. You've been so helpful to me in this past week. Thank you for helping me in your toughest time. Please know I'm praying for you.

prayerfuljourney said...

I got cysts on my first round of injectible.s too and that is when I decided that route was not for me. THe dr didn't seem to think they were a big deal..but I did.

I really don't know what to say about the adoption thing..yes it would be nice to get started and get the paperwork done but where I live..there isn't any action..so we hurried up to wait. Sigh. I don't know if that is the case where you are.

THere's a reason this is taking time. It's God's timing. So hard to wait for His answer. While we wait we can go to JB's IF island and drink lots of wine! Praying for you!!!

Percolating Petals said...

:( I hope and pray a door opens soon. Maybe we all need to do a simultaneous St. Jude novena to send an extra missle up to heaven. Hang in there...

Life In Mazes said...

Hey JB and TCIE - Can I join you both at IF island?

My candle is burned at both ends it seems. No light here.

Anyway, on a serious note, I have been lifting you up in prayer in very specific ways. I am so sorry that your pain is so magnified right now. I am praying and I am very hopeful for you to become a mother!

Kathryn said...

I am so sorry. You have been dealt a heavy heavy cross. You must be very close to Jesus's heart because all the Saints got the same sort of treatment.
Make an act of your will to trust Him. He did not roll all these years of salvation history to leave you stranded now...

the misfit said...

I wouldn't mind an infertile island to escape to sometimes myself. I'm sorry you're having to weather all of this - all of this at once. This never helps, but where every door appears closed in January, in February you may have half a dozen irons in the fire. IF is more of an adventure, in many ways, than natural parenthood. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you.

(And may I say that it's still weird to read you off-handedly mentioning that you gave yourself a transvaginal ultrasound?)

Find joy in every journey said...

No words, just prayers for you. I am so sorry, my friend.

mrsblondies said...

I'm so sorry you are still have to deal with all this. Infertile island seems like a good place to hang out at least until my surgery. I'm praying for you.

The Barren Tree poem was lovely.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Hi TCIE! I was at adoration this evening and I prayed for you. May God bring you healing and hope SOON!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Did Misfit just say that?!

I'm so sorry. Your despair is coming through and my heart is breaking for you. I hope you get a break soon. I really do.

Praying for Hope said...

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. I hope you get a definitive answer soon. Limbo land is no place for anyone to live.

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Praying, praying, praying for you. I pray that God will console your heart during this difficult time.

callmemama said...

I just hope that you get a call with some good news tomorrow about the Home Study. You deserve some good news right about now!
I'm really sorry to hear about the cyst - that is never fun news to get :(.

I would totally be up for IF island, by the way!

expatbarrenness said...

I was so hoping for a fast, good, fast, encouraging (and did I mention fast) resolution to your waiting.

With you in thought (and will pray for you tonight!)
hedwig