Thursday, October 29, 2009

BFN

I am over it. I lamented the night before (Tuesday) and the day of the BFN (yesterday, 13dpo), but I am really just all done with the stress. Tuesday also marked the day of a HORRIBLE fight with MIL (all passive-aggressive crap).

I'm still really determined to do everything possible before giving up. And I can't very well throw my hands up in the air and surrender after only 1 cycle of immune treatment. Especially with the holidays approaching, and absolutely NO CHANCE that any calls will be made for matches on the adoption front (since, HA HA, we're not worthy of adopting).

So with the BFN, I called my NaPro Dr to harass her for a more aggressive treatment. She did a cycle review with me, which was so nice since I called her in the middle of a work day, and went through recent blood work with a fine-tooth comb. Everything looked perfect. But then, she went back to compare my DHEA results to one from last year. The recent ones were low (which is desirable in women with PCOS- this is one of the hormones like testosterone, that PCOSers tend to make a lot of), but the ones from last year were bigger by hundreds. So, she thinks they may be a little "too" low, because aside from ovarian tissue making DHEA, adrenal glands also make them (following so far?) - so chronic stress could have lead to these low DHEA results, and not just my ovarian wedge resection/Metformin therapy.

So, she wants me to start a LOW dose of DHEA supplements, 5 mgs per day.

She also said that there is the possibility of upping the dose of Femara to try to boost the strength of the ovulation a little more. We're going from 25 mgs (10 tabs) to 30 mgs (12 tabs) this month. Yay!

My Vitamin D was "as high as it can get!" according to her, so I came home to look at the bottle of it (I had been taking 1,000 units until she told me to up it a few months ago to 2,000 units based on some b/w results that were less than optimal...)
Well, I must have bought 2,000 units and not remembered, because for as long as I can remember, I've been popping TWO PILLS every day. In other words, thinking I was taking 2,000 units, I've really been taking 4,000 units of Vitamin D each day!! Lmbo, no wonder they were through the roof high!!

Finally, she said that she'd recommend I stick to the hematologist's recommendation of 60 mgs of Lovenox 2 x day all cycle. What I did last cycle was 40 mgs 2 x day pre-Peak (Dr Kwak-Kim's protocol) and 60 mgs 2 x day post-Peak (hematologist's protocol). What stinks is my insurance only covers 20 syringes of the 60 mgs, while they cover 30 syringes of 40 mgs... but, maybe this is why we live in an apartment attached to my in-laws' house... so we can afford to get pregnant even if it means spending our entire yearly salaries on it!!

Then I called and left a message for Dr. Kwak-Kim. She is out of the country this week, but I left a message to see if she wants me to start prednisone this cycle. (Many of her patients take this, and I'm not quite sure for what, but it's supposed to help something... and it's much cheaper than IVIg, which I do not need thank God.)

I am on a mission. I looked at the calendar today and you will NOT believe this (I couldn't make this up if I tried): my NEXT TWO test dates, at 14dpo, are Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve. No joke.

So, yeah, sucks about the BFN, and a smarter woman than I would probably realize that this means I can't get pregnant. Ever. But I'm not willing to give up... not yet...

14 comments:

mrsblondies said...

Sorry about the BFN and the MIL crap. I'm glad your Dr. gave you a treatment plan for next cycle and hopefully you'll hear from Dr.K-K soon too. I'm glad to hear that you're planning to persist in trying everything before you give up (especially since you're younger than me).

Life In Mazes said...

YOU INSPIRE ME!

I was not as strong, but I am getting a little more hopeful now :)

Sorry to hear about your argument with your mil. Stress seems to never end does it?

Vent-ilation said...

The MIL's behavior explains that of the SIL then. You're very brave and strong to research so much and advocate for yourself with the doctors. I'm glad that after all you have been through, there are other treatment options available. Praying for you! (and you don't HAVE to test on P+14 the next two months, do you? Can you do it a day early or a day or so late? The holidays are stressful enough!)

Sew said...

Don't let IF get you by the nipples! This is totally my saying right now!

I love you! ROCK ON MOMMA!!!!

Well, since I'm done faking pregnant, I can fix your apron and mail it to you! :)

All we can do is roll with the punches. We have been in this game too long to let it get to us. Really, beyond IF, we do lead interesting lives. Okay, well at least you do! :)

I might be going to see Lila Rose for free next weekend!!! That is pretty freaking interesting!!!! :)


hahahahaha

JellyBelly said...

MILs are just a tough bunch of women, I'm just glad that my pseudo-MIL lives an hour away and I don't have to see her that often. I don't know how you cope living so close with your in-laws!

Definitely don't give up! It's going to happen, it will, trust me!

Find joy in every journey said...

I am sad for you but am glad you are so hopeful! Having a paln helps, too. :)

LifeHopes said...

I heart Lila Rose.

Sorry about the BFN.

I can relate to Holiday BFN's, last Christmas (Christmas DAY I might add) I woke up to a bloody mess. And this concluded a painful cycle of injectables. Spending the day with your sister in law, her newborn baby, and a clan of gushing relatives in th wake of a failed cycle was loads of fun. Definitely ranks as worst Christmas ever hands down.

Oh and I don't mind your admission of jealousy. Do you think I can't understand the feelings of jealousy and happiness simultaneously? This is my life. Well, lots of people I'm just jealous of. But in fairness, there are quite a few I am both jealous of and happy for. It sucks.

prayerfuljourney said...

I don't have a MIL...she passed away when my dh was about 14 years old. Some people tell me that that can be a blessing..however I would have liked to met her...she did right by her son while she was on earth (she led him to the church). It was that foundation that made him the man he is today..and an awesome hubby!!!

You have a really sound ,organized plan...I wouldn't give up if I were you either. That would be so sweet if the holiday's brought about a special present!

the misfit said...

Although I do not process this sort of logic when it's me, you're not an incurable case because you fail to get pregnant in the FIRST MONTH of a treatment protocol. It takes 3-6 for anything to have a decent chance, right? I mean normal people (ha!), only 50% get pregnant within six months.

Praying for Hope said...

The funny thing about many IF women, they can be knocked to the gound time and time again, but they continue to get back up and, in spite of their better judgement, start hoping all over again. It's truly phenomenal. Thumbs up!

Tridentine Wife said...

Don't give up, this all sounds quite promising or at least your Dr. seemed pretty positive about these things. And wow what better way to find out you're pregnant than on eithe rof those holidays!

I can relate to the MIL business, except mine is with my own mother. Stay strong and pray for peace lol.

Hannah's Song said...

You never know what combination and new treatment is going to be the answer...sorry about the BFN...but the new protocol sounds promising!!!
Go Phillies...he..he..

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Praying for you. I too am encouraged by your strength.

kcmarie122 said...

So sorry about the BFN! But definitely keep trying! It may take a few months for the treatments to really work!

I will keep praying!