Thursday, August 6, 2009

Another BFN

I just tested about a half hour ago, and (of course) it was a BFN. Today's 13dpo.

I'm pretty concerned that there's something fundamentally wrong with me that is un-fixable, and I will just be one of those women who can never get pregnant.

I'm not being melodramatic here. I'm actually being quite logical. Treating the MTHFR, PAI-1, and various other thrombophilias didn't work. So, my issue is not implantation failure. Or, implantation failure isn't my last remaining problem. There is something else, but what? WTH else could it possibly be???

I sent in my paperwork to Dr. Kwak-Kim yesterday. Mailed it overnight. So I will call tomorrow and see if I can set up an appointment. She's my last hope. Though, honestly, I don't know what more she could do besides recommend IVIG (and I would do Intralipids instead, or at least try to). But IVIG, from what I understand, is recommended mostly for those with high NK cells. My NK cells are fine.

I think I'm going to beg for injectables from my NaPro Dr while I wait for my appointment with Dr. Kwak-Kim. I don't think she does them, but maybe if I scream and cry like a baby she'll appease me. The way I see it, I'm shooting up anyway, may as well shoot up a variety of drugs.

I told DH I don't think I can give him babies. He told me to go take another test just to be sure. I told him he should go take one, because it'll be the same result.

17 comments:

mrsblondies said...

I'm so sorry about the BFN. That sucks. I don't have any recommendations, but I hope you're wrong about never being able to get pregnant. You're in my prayers. P.S. I'm pretty sure that D and I will go to NJ some time in the next year or so, and we can get together then.

JellyBelly said...

i'm sending you many, many hugs!!! i'm so sorry about your BFN.

i'll offer up some of this gas pain that i'm having for you!

hugs!

LifeHopes said...

BFN's suck, there is no way around that. It is easy to slip into "I'll never conceive" mode ... but I don't believe that is true for you. I am very hopeful for you!

I just got off the phone with you ... and wanted to reiterate (again) that I hope it didn't seem as though I am trying to tell you I know what your problem might be ... :):) I just wanted to throw out the possibility of adhesions since, in my case, things weren't obvious (no hormone imbalance, charts normal, etc.) and that turned out to be the problem indeed.

I also wanted to say (again) that I (we) believe that Dr.S is one of the best surgeons out there (he was my first choice Dr. bc of his adhesion prevention technique) so I also wanted you to know that I didn't mean to imply that he might not have used the very best of surgical technique.

Basically I just wanted to help in your brainstorming! :):)

God Bless and I will keep praying that any remaining problem(s) be revealed so you can deal with it.

Maria Therese said...

I am so sorry about the BFN. My heart goes out to you. I think I know how you feel. Hubby and I are in our forties. We have been married now for two years and TTC since the wedding day. I haven't been able to get pregnant once. I was diagnosed with endometriosis stage four about a year and a half ago and I've had two surgeries so far. My heart and arms ache to hold a child and to be a Mother. I often feel very sad and discouraged.

I have a devotion to the Blessed Mother and the rosary. I also love to pray to St. Anne and St. Gianna too.

I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and you are in my thoughts and prayers. You will be remembered in my daily rosary.

May God Bless you!

Love,
Maria Therese In Mass

Tridentine Wife said...

I'm sorry, but chances are there's still a chance right? You only recently discovered the blood clotting disorder so the medications may just require more time with your body. I hope I'm not sounding like advice queen when that's the last thing you need rigt now. I'm praying for you.

Sew said...

I am not laughing at you but you have the greatest sense of humor. It sneaks up on me in such a serious post and I find myself dying laughing! It's not funny and you know what I mean since I already text you.

I am so sorry.

Do women usually conceive on the first round of L.evnox? I hate it! The bitter pill swallowed over and effing over! But just think at the end of all of this it will be so worth it! Every single second!

That's sweet of JB! :)

Sew said...

BTW-I just made GF chocolate chip cookies and I can't keep my pesky little hands off of them! They are DIVINE and I can't even tell the difference. The real test is when Mr. Sew eats them! :)

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Haha, that IS sweet of you, JB! :)

Sew, I was going to make the cookies tonight- - but then I made banana zucchini bread instead. It's cooking now. I was grating the zucchini while on the phone with LH... hehe.

I'll have to make them tomorrow. Yummy.

allyouwhohope said...

Sorry to hear that!

Don't fertile women have only like a 20% chance of conceiving each month anyways? I always figure that even when all problems are fixed it will still take a few months to conceive, especially because even if I am fertile one day my body still will never be perfect. Even if my problems are under control, I still imagine things being a little sub par. So maybe you need a couple more cycles before you know for sure that there's something else wrong. I'm praying for you!

Find joy in every journey said...

Man I HATE those BFN. I would rather see AF anyday. Especially in light of your SIL craziness, I bet it hurts a lot. You are in my prayers.

Grace in my Heart said...

I'm so sorry! You are doing so much and I just pray you find and fix your missing link. Prayers...

Jesus, My Best Friend said...

the injectibles really helped me when the pills wouldn't. i was up to 4 powders a day with my last iui. i made 7 eggs that month and got pregnant. i Pray they'll let you at least try them. if u do... order them from ivfmeds.com they are in england but my dr. recommended them and i used them for about 4 months.... soooo much cheaper than us injectibles and they are the same thing and safe.

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry about your bfn!! I def know how hard it is! GL with the new dr!

the misfit said...

Do you think your husband will be OK if it turns out that you can't have biological children? I bet he will be.

What you say makes sense...eventually we have tried everything and it doesn't work. For other people, this or that treatment works. If nothing works, there's a sort of obvious conclusion. At the same time, healthy people are expected to get pregnant in 12-13 cycles of trying (6 if they're charting), right? That's quite a few tries, and they have nothing wrong with them. The poor sensitive infertile gal often tries a treatment only for three months before moving on to the next thing. "Not now" doesn't necessarily mean never; maybe our bodies just need time. And while I don't really take my own genius advice (if tamoxifen and surgery don't work, I will consider myself sterile), some part of me does think that it's not out of the question, it's just going to be LATER. A sort of later that's so much later I can't bank on it, it will just surprise me. But we never know. That's the impossible part...and the part that faith is supposed to help us with? I don't know. I don't have anything helpful to say :/

barbie said...

I'm so sorry!

Living Advent said...

I'm sorry about the BFN. I'm with AYWH... it may take a few cycles once everything is fixed. I'm still holding on to hope for you and praying for you!

Bon said...

I feel the same way. I feel like I've exhaused all possibilities. I don't think what we have is fixable. Maybe someday, God will prove me wrong. He already proved me wrong with adoption. I don't know, and it makes me tired to try and figure it all out.