Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Annual Meeting, Lovenox, Reliv, Simba, my Birthday, and, as always, INFERTILITY

I feel sooooo refreshed spiritually after our Annual Meeting. It truly was a phenomenal experience. However, I did get a bit emotional, and much more often than I tend to do in public places... I think I just had a bit of INFERTILITY OVERLOAD with all the panels and talks and non-stop pill-popping and injection-taking (I started my Lovenox injections while at the conference).

So far, the injections are going as well as can be expected. There is some blood blistering going on, and slight bruising. And I am still trying to work out the cost with the insurance, because at the moment it's costing me around $3 per injection... which works out to around $900 JUST for pregnancy. And I'm not pregnant yet. Plus, there may be issues of long-term use... they may not cover it at all after 30 days.

Back to the Conference. One of the first things I see upon entering the hotel lobby is a big booth set up with Re.liv!! Of course I had to go over and read up on it. I expressed my concern about it being a soy product, and my google-addicted self reading numerous articles about how too much soy is bad for fertility. The women assured me that that only applies to over processed soy, and then they went on to share with me various testimonies of women who had suffered from IF for x amount of years, began taking the shakes and conceived. No, they didn't mention Sew, but I'm sure once they get wind of her story, they'll slip that one in, too :)
I figured God must have lead them to me for a reason, so I went ahead and ordered a month's supply. I also ordered the Simplicity for DH, for weight loss. We are both really excited to try it and I, for one, am definately looking forward to some more energy. The Hydrocort is losing a lot of its initial benefits for me...

Last night we rushed Simba (our orange kitty, the one who was birthed at our house last summer) to AnimERge for a urinary blockage. Jerry, our gray cat, had a blockage once, too, so we knew the signs right away. Sure enough, he was blocked. It was so sad to see him acting so scared and sick :( He would keep standing up and sitting down, trying to get comfortable, and growling at nothing (just from discomfort). When we were trying to figure out if we could wait until this morning to bring him in to the vet, I went over to him and asked, "Simba, what's wrong honey??" and he gave me the most pathetic moan/cry you'd ever want to hear. That was enough for me to run and grab my purse, pick him up and usher him into the cat carrier, and get in the car. DH drove. It was 11:00pm.
Today, they said he's doing much better- he has the catheter in, and is active and alert, playing in his cage. They said, "He's a good boy!" He's also eating like there's no tomorrow... he didn't eat anything last night, which was DHs first clue something was wrong.

I know this post is all over the place, but lately, so is my life.

The infertility is really casting a shadow over me lately. I can't seem to escape it, and I feel like I'm in a race to beat it. I mean, I know we always feel that way, but for some reason very recently I just feel like I have to do everything I can before my time is up. I don't know what time that is... maybe when all the money runs out? Maybe the end of the year? I have no idea, maybe it's just the pressure of knowing I only have Lovenox approved for 3 cycles. I don't know. But it's a real crappy feeling.

It was fantastic to hear all the success stories while at the Conference. All the research and statistics about how NaPro truly does WORK! And I don't disagree. I am just really struggling with the fact that it is not working for me. It is truly scary to know that it may never happen. Especially in light of the adoption blowing up in our face. I am scared beyond belief that I may never have children, one way OR another.

There are more thoughts I have about the Meeting, but I will save that for another post.

My 28th Birthday is Saturday. Another year older and none the more fruitful.

11 comments:

mrsblondies said...

I'm glad your cat is ok now after his ER trip. I definitely understand your feelings about the shadow of IF. I hope that one of the paths will work out for you soon. I hope that the Re.liv helps you.

Tridentine Wife said...

I know your frustration with Rx that aren't covered, my progesterone injections aren't covered and they only last for three weeks at $60 a bottle. I'm hoping it will work out for you though and I prayed for you this afternoon. I always forget your IRL name, so I prayed for "TCIE" lol.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat, that would scare me too. I love my animals. I'm glad the conference was interesting and you jumped on the Reliv bandwagon :)

Life In Mazes said...

I absolutely laughed out loud when you said the first thing you saw at the conference was a Reliv booth. I guess I found it funny bc just yesterday I asked the doctor if this would be good for me and he gave me a resounding "Yes". Well, I guess he would say he approved of it when it was on display at the conference. I am glad you had a good time, but sad that it was hard for you to wonder why it is working for others and it hasn't YET worked for you.

I am so happy that your sweet kitty is okay. I would have been running to the er vet too!

I hope that all of your efforts to optimize your fertility pay off soon! Sending lots of prayers up to heaven for you!

Sew said...

I forgot to tell you on the phone and probably why Dr. H. gave LIM an astounding YES to Re.liv. Is because John Paul II honored the CEO of Re.liv!!! :) Hahaha! How about that!!!!!! Go JPII!! The CEO said that it was one of the greatest days of his LIFE! ;)

Thankfully Simba didn't need his little wee-wee whacked! ;)

Does that blood blistering hurt? Gosh that is so expensive! In the abdomen? Or thigh?

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Abdomen, baby. Yeah, so if I ever do get pg (doubtful), I won't even be able to take artsy pg portraits, b/c I'll be covered in nasty bruises and blood blisters!!

prayerfuljourney said...

One of my friends just talked about how her male cat got crystals in his urine and he couldn't pee. I have a male cat myself and I do try to keep an eye on the litter box. I hear it's very uncomfortable for our little furry friends. I would have rushed my "boy" to the er vet too.

Glad to hear the conference went well. How much is a month supply of those shakes? We are spending so much on meds....I'd hate to ask dh for more money and expense. I too could use more energy...but who couldn't???

Good luck with all the meds you are taking. It's just a matter of getting the right "cocktail" of meds and vitamins going before you have good news to share too. Lord willing it won't be long. Blessings!

the misfit said...

I know what you mean - even if little (or nothing) changes about what I'm doing with infertility, sometimes it's just a much heavier cross than others. And not knowing the way forward or what other options there are is the hardest of all. I'm sorry you're all bruised from the needles. And $3 a shot! Good grief! It sounds like a great conference though - a little overwhelming and teary might be good sometimes? Maybe that's just where I'm coming from, where so much of my life seems to be NOT-living my infertility at all.

Tucked Beneath His Wing said...

Glad that the meeting was good - I look forward to more details. I'm also interested in hearing about your Lovenox adventure as I will probably be put on it soon as well. My sister just found out she is heterozygous PAI-1 and has Factor VIII and MTHFR, so I am working on getting tested on all those and then getting a prescription. My kitty just had an emergency too - it is taking 3 blog posts just to detail it! Hope the kitty is feeling better.

JellyBelly said...

poor kitty! i'm so glad that he's doing better.

although i have no business complaining about the cost of IF, i can commiserate a bit. all of my supplements that have been prescribed by my naturopath AND my naturopath aren't covered by our insurance. i also don't want to add up the money we've paid on parking, gas and time we've already invested on trying to make a baby.

i'm getting more and more curious about reliv. perhaps we'll have to discuss it in the near future... ;)

Living Advent said...

Good to hear that your kitty is better. I guess I got some of my answer from my last comment about the Lovenox. Ask me next weekend about God preparing me to take Lovenox shots. I'll get there ;o)

I've been hesitant about the Re.liv partly due to the soy as well. Actually my main reason for not trying it yet is my food sensitivities interestingly enough. I did a food sensitivity blood test back in Jan 2008 and getting off some foods really helped!

Mrs. Mike said...

Which Reliv product did you order? Do you know for sure if they all are derived from soy? I see they make something called "Delight" which says it's a whey-based dietary supplement but has instructions to use it in place of milk.