Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Prayer Request

I just got off the phone with my Mom, to ask her to say a quick prayer for me, and I explained about the "tubal" issue. When I didn't hear any sound on the other end, I thought my cell phone dropped the call... but then I realized, this is some serious shit. I know nothing is really known yet, and I'm not jumping to any conclusions. In fact, while telling my mother about it, I was very matter-of-fact and non-emotional. Like I was telling her about a tv show I had seen or something.

But her reaction really made it hit home. If this IS real, then I'm in for some serious trouble.

And then the panicking set in.

I had a little conversation with St. Gianna just now. I told her that when I offered to take on the cross for my friends, I certainly didn't place conditions on the offer... so if this worrying and fear, and even further surgical intervention, is part of my cross, then I gladly accept it. But then I told her, while I can carry the cross of Infertility, I definately can NOT carry the cross of Barrenness. I don't know what I would do with myself if I KNEW I had no chance of ever getting pregnant. No. No way. I couldn't accept that. My hope is all I have. My hope is the strength behind my cross.

I feel like I've fallen on my road to Calvary. Which is ok, because Jesus fell three times. If I can just keep some hope alive, I know I can get there. But before I can see the glory of a "resurrection" at the end of my cross, there will need first to be a crucifixion. Maybe this is where I am headed? Maybe if there is bad news, the worst news, tomorrow, it is really just the beginning of the end for me?

Please pray for me! Pray that no matter what the news is tomorrow, that there also be some tiny glimmer of hope in it...

9 comments:

LifeHopes said...

Oh my goodness! I will definitely be praying.

I know how you are feeling right now ... I had a similar scare when I thought my ovaries died. Its the worst feeling ever.

I hope this is not as serious as you fear.

JellyBelly said...

i'm sending you prayers.

i hope that tomorrow brings you better news.

Life In Mazes said...

Oh, I understand fear. I will be praying for you and I said a rosary for all of us today. All I can say is someone told me when I was most fearful this weekend was to be courageous. It was so hard to trust in God's providence, but I really learned that God is trustworthy. It is okay to fall on your way, it is the getting up that matters.

the misfit said...

I will be praying extra-hard for you. FWIW, I don't believe you're sterile.

And I'm a total hypocrite giving hopeful advice, but remember that when Mary was confronted with some impossible pregnancy news, she was specifically told..."Be not afraid." It will be all right.

andnotbysight said...

I'll be praying over here, too!

prayerfuljourney said...

I'm sending prayers your way too!

Praying for Hope said...

More prayers headed your way. I hope today goes well and very smoothly.

Fight The Good Fight of Faith said...

:(
I'm praying for you guys.

I found this on the internet...

St. David's Infertility Prayer

Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen.

Fertile Thoughts said...

I'll deinitely be praying for you!!! I am sure there is probably no reason to panick...Can't it just be a random event that fluid was found in your tubes? Clearly I know nothing about this but I was just thinking about what it could be. Please know I am sending may prayers your way for good results ;)
~Amber