Monday, February 16, 2009

1WW

The one week wait. My least favorite time. Especially when I actually have hope.

I'm still trying very hard to have the faith of Jairus, and the woman who asked Jesus to heal her daughter. I feel in my heart that I have asked, and I shall receive. But after 31 months (is it really 31 months???), I can't say this has been an easy transition to make. I feel like one of those cartoons, with the angel version of me on my right shoulder, and the devil version of me on my left. And the nagging devil is constantly whispering in my ear that I'm crazy. Why would I believe that I'm pregnant after all this time? But the angel reminds me that I have legions of angels working for me- my grandma and grandpa and DH's, St. Ann, Therese, Jude, Gerard, and Anthony. I need to believe. I need to believe that this is my time.

I don't feel physically any different. It's so hard to look for "symptoms" when so many of the common early pg symptoms are actually symptoms of high levels of progesterone. And we know I have high progesterone, since I have THREE corpus lutei. So, yes, my bbs are more sore than they've ever been and they hurt even while walking. Yes, I'm exhausted. Yes, I am eating and peeing a lot. And yes, I'm a little constipated. But nothing that I haven't experienced before in the post-Peak phase.

I suppose that this final week is an ultimate test of my patience and reliance on God. Do I fully trust Him? Am I fully putting this in His hands, or am I even now trying to control it, when there's obviously nothing more I can do 8 days past ovulation.

So I will let this go. I will give it over to Jesus, and His holy Mother, and the promise my grandmother left me with when I asked if she would "pick one out for me" when she got to paradise. I need to smile when I remember that her response was, "One of each would be nice, wouldn't it?"

12 comments:

Sew said...

You never shared that STORY!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh its so beautiful!

Then you have 3 eggs? One of each!

I have a lot of hope for you too! I understand the flip side to this and how hard the fall will be. But I am hoping that you hope and not fall!!! I am really excited for you!

Are you a tester? Do you test?

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

No, I was reserving this story :) I wasn't sure Grandma would actually have this much pull up in Heaven, but wow, I am pretty sure she had something to do with the 3 follicles :)

I am not usually a tester, but in this case, I may have to test. Probably on Sunday.

Sew said...

I would test like a crack head!

Very interesting! I would just love one time a story to end how we want!

Its time!!!!

Sissy said...

There were several times I thought I was pregnant, but I would just end up getting my period. The signs are so similar! Ugh.

prayerfuljourney said...

I think we all know about this waiting time. ugh...it is hard. I also have some early pg symptoms before my cycle begins. Now that I am taking the suppositories...I'm not sure what to expect...so far so good. I just wonder IF I did get pg...would I have some other symptoms? I've given up on trying to figure it out. I will hope and pray that you have a positive result this month. Keep us posted!!!

JellyBelly said...

waiting is so hard. i hope that the next week goes by fast for you!!!

Life In Mazes said...

I want to tell you that I can completely relate to all the emotions you are experiencing. Even though I came completely undone when I got my period this past cycle, I loved all of the feelings of excitement prior its arrival. I love your story of your grandma's proclaimation! I would be so excited for you if this is your time. Praying for you and your husband!

Faith for Fertility said...

I have hope for you! 3 follies is amazing! Keep feeding those babies cannolli (I have no idea how to spell that)! I'm almost 5 weeks and don't have any symptoms besides my usual PMS and missing a period. So, don't worry about the no symptoms...it's still early! If you need some tests I have about 20! Haha!

Vent-ilation said...

Yeah.. my symptoms were SO like PMS... only difference was I didn't get a period... and coffee just started to not sit well. Then I waited like a week or more to test because so many times I'd test and then a day later.. waahhh! But we were going to a party so I needed to be sure I could drink or not... LOL I'm getting excited for you!! 3 eggs! Your "angel" in heaven putting in a good word... the hawks... I hope the week flies by for you!!!

Life In Mazes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jodi said...

Saying extra prayers that your TTC journey is coming to an end and that you'll get your miracle this month. I'm on pins and needles here!

Fight The Good Fight of Faith said...

I'm praying for you!!!!