Friday, January 9, 2009

One Year

Originally I was planning on saving this post until tomorrow, since January 10th is the day I remember much more vividly. But in an effort to move past the negative and cling to the positive, I will choose to memorialize January 9th, 2008 instead.

So it is 1 Year today. 1 year ago, at about 6:00am, I peed on a stick (2, actually), and for the first time ever saw the word "Pregnant" appear before me. I was P+15, and 16dpo... and finished my hCG injections at P+9.

I got a text message from a girlfriend online who was also battling IF (she is now due in a matter of weeks, having conceived naturally shortly after her 2 Year mark while awaiting IVF), and I texted her back a picture of the tests. So, she was the first to know.

I went to work, and couldn't tell you ANYTHING that happened that day. I was on cloud 9, and nothing bothered me. I drove straight to my Dr's office after work, with the test in my pocketbook. Walking in without an appt, I asked the secretary if she could squeeze me in for 5 minutes, because I had "big news." I pulled out the test to show her. Secretary at MorningStar- second to know. Dr. came in immediately after hearing the news, gave me a hug, and had b/w done for me. Dr. and nurse at MorningStar- third and fourth to know.

When I got home, I called the hotel suites where DH proposed to me to make a reservation for that Friday. The plan was to decorate the room with baby paraphenalia (balloons, teddy bears, etc) and surprise DH the way he had surprised me when we got engaged. Lady at hotel- fifth to know.

Then I went online and posted a message on the message boards. Ladies on the message boards- sixth to know.

I was due September 15th. It's funny the little details I still remember. It wasn't a real pregnancy, so why do I remember these things? Why can't I erase them all from my memory?

Maybe because I'm not supposed to forget. Maybe God was trying to show me, if only for a day, what pregnancy would be like. And maybe that means I will never be pregnant. But maybe it means that I will. I'm not sure yet.

I am putting a lot of stock into this cycle. I would have done so, anyway, it being the first cycle since Dr. Toth's treatment. But now knowing I may have an opportunity to conceive while my Grandma is still here makes my determination even stronger. I am literally going to do everything I can, including putting all of my hope into it. I TRUST that my prayers will be answered. I TRUST that God will bless us this month with a pregnancy. I TRUST that all of this is according to God's perfect timing.

8 comments:

Sew Infertile said...

What a great attitude to have!

Ohhh, the top part of this post made my heart ache....

Your comment cracked me up about puffing the magic dragon! You are so funny even at follow-up! But sometimes I miss it because of the echo of the phone!! I hate the phone! Anyway off track, I am pumped at the amount of positive attitude going around. It's pretty wild! I am so excited!

Life In Mazes said...

I will be adding my hope and prayer to yours that this cycle may be successful in the way your are hoping! I can imagine how happy you were with that test result. I am glad it has allowed you to keep hoping and see the big, wide, and wonderful future that God has for you! It would be wonderful for you to share the news with your grandma too!
Thank you for your kind comment, it was so encouraging. I really am hoping I was right and I would, by God's grace, be in the very earliest stages of pregnancy. Here's to hoping for God's best :)

Faithful Infertile said...

I am amazed at your strength & faith. I'm saying extra prayers for you this cycle! :)

allyouwhohope said...

I'm so glad you have a good attitude! And I hope you can cling to the positive both today and tomorrow.

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Ditto to everyone's comments! I too am inspired by the faith, hope and trust that everyone has (on our good days, of course.)

I pray that God will bless your faithfulness and that His grace will keep you strong.

LifeHopes said...

Reading about that made my heart hurt for you.

However ... I trust that a pregnancy is in your future, and I will pray that it happens this cycle!!

JellyBelly said...

it will happen and i hope that it happens sooner, rather than later!

you're in my prayers!

Hear My Cry said...

I can only offer hugs. BIG ONES!