Now that probably sounds rather self-defeatist, especially for someone trying desperately to get pregnant. Why would I sabotage the act that leads to the fertilization of my egg? Crazy, right? At first I thought the same thing. I thought maybe it was my suconscious way of admitting that I was not ready for pregnancy. But that didn't seem to make sense, especially since getting pregnant is all my conscious mind can think about every waking minute. Then it came to me. After a few months of these nasty fights, which would sometimes result in no sex, and oftentimes result in mandatory sex (every TTCer knows what mandatory sex is like), it dawned on me that if I picked a fight with DH, then at least at the end of the month when my period came again I would have a reason for failure outside of myself and my body. "Oh, well it didn't work this month because we didn't end up having sex on that day" or "Well, I know that the swimmers probably weren't at their best on such-and-such night, due to the circumstances." Total defense mechanism. There's only so much insult my poor little body can take, and after a year of failure known to be mine, I just had to come up with some way to protect her.
I don't know how many of you do the same thing. But this week, I'm going to try my very best to NOT pick a fight with DH. I started to have stretchy, clear mucus yesterday and today (CD 9 and 10), which is early for me, but I'll definitely take it! I may even be able to get that u/s on Thursday at Dr. J's office (she originally said it would probably be pointless since I may not be close to Oing by then, and she's leaving for a week on Friday). Wish me luck with an early (on time for most people) O! And of course, no pre-game fight.