Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Can't Even Enjoy Not Having Kids

DH and I are throwing our annual Christmas Cocktail Party on Saturday. The house is "almost" in order (just don't look in the closets or the master bedroom).
We have been doing this party since the 1st year we were married, so this is our 3rd one. Every other year, I served drinks but didn't drink since I was in the 2WW. This year I could FINALLY enjoy some drinks with my friends...

But while talking to my good friends who have 2 young boys (they usually get a babysitter for the party), DH suggested we throw the party at the firehouse so we could have more people. My girlfriend jumped right in with, "Oh that'd be great, then the kids could come and run around, and we can come early to help set up." It was a nice offer, but at the same time, I felt kinda coerced into inviting the kids. Not that they WEREN'T invited beforehand, but it IS a cocktail party...

Turns out the firehouse is booked that night. But in the meantime, I went ahead and invited my other friends who have 3 kids (1 5 yr old and twin 3 yr olds). They are coming. So, now I've been going around the house like a madwoman making sure everything is "kid-proofed." I'm happy to do it, but at the same time, somewhere in the back of my mind I was a little resentful. Like, why should I have to child-proof my house and make special foods for the kids when I can't have my own kids and do those things for them yet? It's a horrible, selfish thought, I know, but I'm just being honest.

Then I just checked the evite again to see there was a new RSVP. Well, my 1 single sister changed her Yes to a No, saying, "Sorry, since I haven't pushed anything out of my body which became a tiny human running around touching everything, I'd rather not be at this kind of festivity." Ummmm... great! Now my Cocktail Party has become 1 Sad, Infertile Drunk Woman (me), and a bunch of children with their sober, fertile parents. WTH??? How did this happen??

I'm sure we'll still have a lot of fun, but dammit, Christmas is hard enough without being constantly reminded that I DO NOT have children. I also feel pressured to put my dogs next door, so that they don't knock down any of the younger kids or lick them to death. But THEY are MY children!! Why should I have to hide them away? KWIM?

Man, this sucks. Um, if any of you are going to be around NJ this weekend, feel free to come have some infertile drinks with me. I'm making pomegranate martinis, and so far, I'm the only taker.

13 comments:

Christina said...

If I lived in NJ I would SO be there! (Hugs) Don't feel bad about how you're feeling. I would feel the same way in your situation. Do these other people know what you're going through? If so, they're insensitive & definitely should have at least asked if they could bring their children. You could mention now that since the firehouse is booked you won't have room for the children and the adults. Plus, it is a cocktail party! So sorry!

Sew Infertile said...

I would chug the pomegrant martinis with you.

I would also terroize the children so their parents think they are acting up, and then they would have to leave early because of the unruly behavior. But in my current state of not TTC, alcohol and me might not mix. Only if my husband is miles, miles away. :)

Since my state of recovery has turned the corner, I all of a sudden feel pissed and resentful, that I am barren and must remain barren for at least another 8 weeks. It is really messing with my head. :)

I guess being locked in the house for 6 weeks away from all signs of pregnancy, has been so wonderful. I wonder if I can continue to do that for the next 8 weeks.

Life In Mazes said...

I din't mean to upset you but I laughed out loud when I read your post and the comments. It just seems like a day out of my own life :) So sorry for the stinking news about your cocktail party. I was actually told one time when I was really depressed about IF that "You should just really move on. . . I don't know what your problem is." Needless to say, this was a close relative and the relationship took a long while to rekindle. If I lived anywhere near you, I would drink it up with you just for moral support!!! I don't even usually drink either. Anyway, maybe they will brighten your day and you can learn what you would never do when you are finally blessed with motherhood :)

Beth said...

Dang. Pom Martinis sound awesome! Yeah I really still don't like being around (most) other people's kids, so I totally understand! And tell your sister to suck it up and just come!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Hehehe... I'm sitting here chuckling at all these comments. You guys are awesome :)

Good news- one last minute responder is coming. With their dog (we usually have everyone's dogs at this cocktail party, and they provide the entertainment). And ya know... this may be good. Now I'll keep my dogs here, there will be 3 dogs running around, and if a child should get knocked down, OH WELL! (OMG, I'm going to hell in a handbasket...)
No, no, no. I don't REALLY want a child to get knocked down. But our home is a pet home, and not a kid home. Yet. So we will enjoy our pets and our friend's pet.

Sew Infertile said...

You are so going to hell in a handbasket! Just terrorize the lil brats, feed them lots of sugar! I am not in the mood for fertile peoples children. :)

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

You crack me up!!
My other sister just cancelled, too. She called to ask if I'd mind, since she didn't know it would be "all couples." Um, yeah, sorry. I'm not quite in the mood to feel sorry for you not having a date, especially since SHE'S one of the FERTILE ones (divorced with a 12 yr old dd). I was so not about to sympathize with her. I just said, "Nope, that's fine. Don't come."

allyouwhohope said...

Oh my gosh I can feel your pain! Especially since you were looking forward to it. I don't take changed plans too well. At all.

I don't even drink, but if I lived nearby I'd come drink too! And I totally know what you mean about a pet home. Yes, my home will change to a kid home when I am lucky enough to have them but right now I am making the best of it with my dog, thank you very much!

Beth said...

I think you should just make the time like 10pm, then everyone will have to get a babysitter!

Life In Mazes said...

I am so glad you posted about this. The comments has laughing so hard! I can totally relate and am so thankful that all of you do too! Do the best you can to have a great time at the party. Enjoy your dogs! The kids will probably love them a little too much :)

Vent-ilation said...

Those pomegranate martinis sound REALLY good! You also made me laugh... I was saying to my hubby a few weeks ago that we need to find new friends, since all of ours are 'old farts' with children who don't do anything now. (Okay not all are like that and I love my friends, but you get it.) Also, a really good hangover remedy -- from one of my previously childless friends -- 2 tums, a vitamin B6 and 2 advil (I think I have the right ratios)..

LifeHopes said...

I was already in a bad mood before I read this. But this makes me mad for you.

I think all of us IFers should crash this party.

Why don't you uninvite the kids? Just politely send out an email saying something like, "since this is a cocktail party, we thought it would be a great time for all the parents to get a babysitter and enjoy themselves for an evening!" You could also note that you have big dogs that might knock the kids over, and that your house is not exactly child-proofed at this point. Then let the parents decide what to do.

Am I mean? I really don't think so. Just feeling extra bitchy.

Fight The Good Fight of Faith said...

Okay that does totally suck!!! I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but in away i am. I usually host New Years for friends and last year since i wasn't drinking (b/c i was supposed to be prego) I invited my siblings and their family. That's 3 siblings married a total of 7 neices and nephews running around. This year they said new years at your place again??? Since they had so much fun last time. (I had made it a new years theme game night and the adults all played games etc..) However this year i'm not up for doing anything big but since they've all already decide my place is the place to be they will be all coming by again. I going to make the parents run after them while i watch in my drunken state...I never ever child proof my place, actually when they come by it makes me realize that i do not have any trace of children in my place because they are always asking me for plastic cups!!! Everytime they are over my siblings are running after their kids because they are carrying their juice in a glass cup!! It's really funny to see them worry, my little sweet revenge.
I'm going to be the handbasket beside you on the way to hell!!! LOL
I'll remember to do a toast for you when I drink!