So here I am again in the waiting stages of this TTC journey. I remember the months before my surgery, when I decided not to take Clomid (Feb and Mar '08), seemed to go SOOO very slowly. But at the same time, I was filled with eager anticipation at the prospect of being HEALED! And now? Here I am again.
I don't know what Dr. Toth's diagnoses will be for DH and me. I'm scared of finding out what it is that has been attacking my reproductive system. I'm scared that our course of treatment will be extensive, and costly. I'm scared that some of the treatments we may need may be painful. (Uterine washes, prostate injections.) But mostly I'm scared (and I'm jumping WAY ahead here) that whatever treatment course we follow will not work. If our infection/s have been working on us for years and years, there's a possibility that they will never "go away." What then?
It hasn't even been a week since my DA. I still have 2 1/2 weeks to go until I get the results. And then? Possibly 3 months of treatment, maybe more? I just don't know. I do know that we aren't allowed to TTC until after treatment ceases. Will I be able to TTC again this year? Before Christmas? It would be so sad if we couldn't :(
With all of the $$$ we're pouring out for this, we've decided it's best to just go forward with the Getting Pregnant plan (as opposed to the adoption plan) for now. We just can't feasibly start looking into an adoption process which will cost thousands, when we're also spending thousands on treatment for IF. I just hope our patience pays off in the end. I know that's not the point of patience. But I can't help but feel that God called us to this path, and steered us away from adoption right now. He must have done this for a reason, right?
I am not taking Femara this cycle. I figured what's the point? Why medicate if there's little to no chance of conceiving yet? I'll go back on, and pull out all the stops, as soon as we are able to TTC after treatment.
We're getting all cleaned up and ready for you, Baby! Our hopes for you are to be as healthy as you can be from conception to death- and never have to experience any of the pain of IF due to infections we could pass to you (if not treated). In a way, it's been a blessing that we have not conceived you yet. But we'll be ready for you... soon. Soon.