Monday, June 2, 2008

Perspective

I showed up to work this morning, walked into the main office to sign in, and noticed the Principal whispering with some of the other teachers and the secretary. The atmosphere was completely sombre... I didn't stick around, I figured it didn't concern me, and if I was meant to know, I'd know soon anyway (that's how a school works, word spreads like wildfire).

Sure enough, I got to the classroom, the lead teacher was not around, and the Aide in the room next to mine came in with the news. The young father of one of my students was killed in a Quad accident this past weekend. I was just stunned speechless... this family is just a picture of perfection- both the mother and father owned businesses (the mother owns the Spa in town), they have a son in 2nd grade and a daughter in our Kindergarten class- the kids are just the sweetest, most cordial and well-mannered kids ever. They go on all kinds of trips together as a family, and every member of the family is just a joy to be around.

When the Aide gave me the news, she kept saying, "They had everything. I mean it, everything. And now what? What is it all worth?" That remark really hit home for me. I don't understand why something like this would happen, but I know that it's not something we can ever truly understand while we're here on Earth. But when I look at this tragedy, and think about how this family will go on, I think of how selfish I have been. Here I am, wanting, wanting, wanting... envying families like this one, who seemingly "had it all." But would I trade losing my husband, the father of my children, for a chance to have a baby? If we had to suffer the same kind of loss in order to get what it is we "want," would we still want it?

I just can't make sense of this. My heart just ACHES for this little girl (I didn't know her brother very well, but let me tell you, this girl was just an angel. All smiles, smart, beautiful singing voice, one of those kids for whom you write, "Was a joy to have in class" on their report card.) How can she possibly understand why her father was taken from her? Will she be able to keep the memories she had of him throughout her life, or will they fade in a few years??

If you will, please keep this family in your prayers.

3 comments:

JellyBelly said...

it's always my worst fear when my principal calls the staff for a surprise brief meeting before school starts. a few years ago a parent was killed in a really bad car accident and when i first started at my school one of the boys fell seriously ill and almost died.

i sometimes forget what kind of baggage my students carry around and how blessed i am to have such a good life.

those kiddies are in my thoughts and prayers.

allyouwhohope said...

That is SO sad. They are in my prayers.

Hearing stuff like that always puts things into perspective for me too. I still want a baby more than anything, but it makes me envy others less when I think that we are all blessed in different ways and we are also all carrying different crosses. Having fertility doesn't necessarily mean you're life will be easy (like I sometimes think).

allyouwhohope said...

Thanks for the comment! I realized later that my post might have depressed others in my same situation. I'm sorry! I am usually very good at remembering that my chances of conceiving are actually pretty good, but I think sometimes I just get this little negative side of me coming out and yesterday I wanted to squash it before it took over. I just needed to hear some success stories fast!

As far as ovulation goes, doctors usually say they don't think I've ever ovulated. I don't know how far back that goes, like if I ever ovulated as a teenager or in my early 20's (goodness, I hope so!), or if I ovulate once in a great while. I guess we'll never know for sure. For as long as my ovaries were covered in endometriosis I didn't ovulate and on top of that, my follicles weren't rupturing (and Dr. Hilgers doesn't think that was related to endo). In my uneducated estimation, I tend to think I have a number of problems that all separately might have caused me to not ovulate - endometriomas, PCOS, and high prolactin. So now, two down and one to go (PCOS). Hey, it sounds pretty good when I think of it that way! Plus, my new dr. is very confident he'll get me to ovulate and that if I ovulate, I'll conceive.

Also, thank you so much for sharing your perspective as a Creighton instructor. I don't get to talk to my own instructor too often, so I love hearing any insight you may have. Sorry for the long comment!