Monday, June 30, 2008

Badly-Timed Fights

So, this is inspired by a comment made by All You Who Hope. She mentioned that she usually has her arguments with DH on fertile days, and thought that was rather odd. Well in my case, not only do I have big, nasty fights with DH on fertile days, but usually literally right before we... . And 99% of the time it's ME who initiates the fight. I think it started around a year ago...

Now that probably sounds rather self-defeatist, especially for someone trying desperately to get pregnant. Why would I sabotage the act that leads to the fertilization of my egg? Crazy, right? At first I thought the same thing. I thought maybe it was my suconscious way of admitting that I was not ready for pregnancy. But that didn't seem to make sense, especially since getting pregnant is all my conscious mind can think about every waking minute. Then it came to me. After a few months of these nasty fights, which would sometimes result in no sex, and oftentimes result in mandatory sex (every TTCer knows what mandatory sex is like), it dawned on me that if I picked a fight with DH, then at least at the end of the month when my period came again I would have a reason for failure outside of myself and my body. "Oh, well it didn't work this month because we didn't end up having sex on that day" or "Well, I know that the swimmers probably weren't at their best on such-and-such night, due to the circumstances." Total defense mechanism. There's only so much insult my poor little body can take, and after a year of failure known to be mine, I just had to come up with some way to protect her.

I don't know how many of you do the same thing. But this week, I'm going to try my very best to NOT pick a fight with DH. I started to have stretchy, clear mucus yesterday and today (CD 9 and 10), which is early for me, but I'll definitely take it! I may even be able to get that u/s on Thursday at Dr. J's office (she originally said it would probably be pointless since I may not be close to Oing by then, and she's leaving for a week on Friday). Wish me luck with an early (on time for most people) O! And of course, no pre-game fight.

2 comments:

JellyBelly said...

i so know about the fertile days fights! although i haven't reasoned them out as well as you have!

i know that TTC has been so much more stressful for me since i'm the one with the hormone issues.

at least we can recognize that we're acting crazy, right?

allyouwhohope said...

I'm glad I'm not alone on this! I also think it's a little self-sabotage in my case, too. I hadn't thought about it being to protect myself against another failed cycle (although maybe it is subconciously), but more because I just seem to like to sabotage myself for some reason. I'm my own worst enemy.

By the way, that's pretty good of you to admit that most of the fights are your fault. I can't say that, exactly, but I will say it's probably like 50-50. My husband is on strict orders this week to not fight with me, to be extra nice (especially at night because we can have a great day and then fight right before the time comes) and he is to bite his tongue if I'm being a witch. I figured if I can go through two surgeries, take tons of medication and deal with all of this, the least he can do is walk on eggshells around me for a week! Good luck this time around!