Saturday, May 10, 2008

Pre-Mother's Day Jitters

So here I am fooling myself that tomorrow is "Pentecost Sunday" and nothing else. I was actually proud of myself for not over-reacting to the fact that there is another, less-desirable holiday taking place tomorrow... that is, until I stumbled across my mother's cards that she is giving out tomorrow. (I am staying at my parents' house this weekend, getting ready for EPII, the second education phase for the Creighton Model practitioner training.)

So, one card says, "Happy Mother's Day, Mom" (for my grandma), and the other says, "Happy Mother's Day, J" (my sister). I just lost it. Good thing both my parents are downstairs watching a movie. I mean, c'mon! For crying out loud, this woman has watched me cry my eyes out on more than one occasion, she came to my surgery, has been praying novenas and rosaries for me... and I know she can't relate to infertility at all, but I even sent her a great link about how to deal with loved ones with infertility (I'll have to post that link at the end of this blog). In it, it said to remember your infertile friends and loved ones on Mother's Day, because they too are mothers in waiting, and mothers in their hearts. Couldn't she have spared a freaking card??? The best part of Mother's Day last year was that my neice actually did give me flowers and a card, since I am her godmother. I guess there's just no way around it- Mother's Day sucks if you don't have kids and want them.

And now for something completely different:

I think I am actually ovulating right now as I type!!!! This is just so incredibly exciting, I can't even explain it :) My OPK was + again today, and the mittleschmertz (come on, it's a great word and if you have the chance to use it, JUMP on it!) has continued. I'm on day 16 of my cycle, and if I don't pop one out tonight, it'll probably be tomorrow... so maybe Mother's Day won't be a COMPLETE loss.

Speaking of loss (ok, switching gears again here- m/c mentioned, be forewarned):
I received perhaps the most beautiful, precious gift last week- from my Creighton Model Supervisor. While we spoke on the phone, she told me that she was currently experiencing a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It had been a using-related pregnancy, she is 42 and used a day that she had talked herself out of "lubrication" and just recorded "shiny." But nonetheless, her family and she were all very excited. However, her post-Peak phases were short already, and her progesterone had been known to be low.
I was so taken aback by what she was telling me, I prayed for guidance from God to offer her the most comforting words that I could find. But what did I receive in answer? My Supervisor says to ME: "I would like to offer this loss up for you and your husband. My heart just bleeds for you both, and all couples who yearn so much for a baby and cannot get pregnant." I was literally speechless! How, in one's darkest hour, can they think to offer their pain for someone else, is just beyond my comprehension!! As I said, it was without a doubt the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

So, tomorrow at Mass, I will try my best to return the favor. I promise, dear Lord, to NOT pray for myself. I will offer all of my prayers for those who have suffered a loss, for those mothers who are not recognized on Mother's Day, whose children are with you in Heaven. I will need your help, O Lord! It will be very difficult to not think of myself, especially when I know tomorrow "could" be a potential conception day... but after the beautiful example set forth by a beautiful woman, the least I can do is to pray for my sisters in infertility.

5 comments:

LifeHopes said...

Hi there! I also am a Creighton person and had surgery in Decemebr 07 to remove stage 4 endo. We have a lot in common - we too got married in 06 (december). So we've been trying for abbout a year and a half.

If you want to read my blog, respond to this comment with your email address and I will invite you. (sorry my blog is invite only, I didn't want to run the risk of having real life people read it.)

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JellyBelly said...

thank you for your prayers and congratulations on your training! i so admire our creighton model educator and all of her knowledge!

btw, i'm going to add you to my blogroll.

lifehopes i would love to be able to read your blog. my e-mail is jellybelly_75@yahoo.com. thanks!

andnotbysight said...

Thank you for the prayers--that was a wonderful thing to do! I think it's fantastic that you are becoming a practitioner! I'd love to do that myself someday.

Anne Marie said...

Hi I stumbled across your blog via your post at All You Who Hope. I will come back and read more, but I just wanted to empathize about the Mother’s Day issue. I tried so hard to get to the vigil Mass on Saturday so as to not have to go to Mass on Sunday this year, but it didn’t work out. I find the end where Mother’s stand and are blessed so very difficult. I was doing OK thru the Mass until the woman in front of me turned around during the sign of peace and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Then came the tears, but only the choir could see thank goodness.

I know how hard it is, even with gestures from Godchildren. So few understand and it can be so isolating. God bless you and your husband on this journey.