Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Patron Saint 2015!

It's that time of year, again!  Holy cow!  I usually get this going by the end of November, but as with most things lately, I'm a little slower these days.  Sorry for the delay.

A Saint is a special friend in heaven who will pray for you, just as we ask our friends and families to pray for us, here.  I urge you all to use the Saint Name generator after a moment of prayer, in choosing your special friend for 2015 :)

To date, I have had a mix of "big name" Saints/Archangels (Raphael), old-school "original" Saints (Margaret of Antioch), and some that were lesser known (Eugene de Mazenod, George) and not-at-all known to me (Paschal Baylon, 2014).  Yet every year, no matter what huge obstacle I was met with (many of which I shared publicly here, and many I have not), these Saints managed to prove themselves as powerful intercessors and friends.

This year, today, I prayed and asked for a Saint to be chosen for me that will guide me through a brand new chapter in my life in 2015.  And, I was blessed with:

St Zita, Feast Day April 27th

Patronage: Against Losing Keys; Domestic Servants; Homemakers; Lost Keys; Maids; People Ridiculed for Their Piety; Rape Victims; Single Laywomen; Waiters

I love it!  I always enjoy reading the different patronages, particularly of my patron Saints through the years... always gives me something to chuckle about :)  Like the year I had the Saint who wards against syphillis and skin diseases.  That was a hoot.  Then again, I did not contract syphillis or any skin diseases that year...

I can't wait to discover more about St Zita in 2015, particularly as I transition into the role of homemaker (and let's face it, maid, and waiter, too).  But the thing that most excites me is the Feast Day - April 27th.  I *wonder* if that date will be a big one for me...

(I also picked one for Baby TCIE, St Nicholas of Tolentino, Feast Day Sept 10th.)

DH hasn't picked his, yet, but I'll report back when he does.

So, what are you waiting for?  Go get your Patron Saint for 2015!!  Leave me a comment to let me know who picked you.

Monday, December 1, 2014


This month, DECEMBER 2014 we pray for
Maria @ Hail Mary, Full of Grace!

How it works:

ALL bloggers, readers, commenters, lurkers, lurchers, creepers, crazies, borings, snorings, dazed, confused, and willing - i.e., ALL OF US - will be uniting our prayers for the entire month for the blogger mentioned above. At the same time, across the country, across the Americas, heck, even across the world, our prayers will all be directed in the same place, at the same time. FOR A WHOLE MONTH! Get ready for some SERIOUS fruits, people!

Click on the blog link above to visit the Blogger of the Month's post in which they will give you a brief history of their journey with infertility/adoption/childlessness. Then, continue to follow up and check in on that blogger throughout the month, to become more familiar with them and better align your prayers with their intentions.


The idea is to pray a Childless Blogger, one of our own, to a Childless-No-More status. To bridge that final gap, to knock down that final wall, to make them MOMMIES against all odds!! Above all else, our prayers will be for peace and joy in their hearts as only God holds the answer to these prayers.


All month long! A new Blogger will be announced at the beginning of each new month. This post will be updated on the 1st of every month, so be sure to check back!

So,... How, again??

Pray whatever prayers you'd like. Do a Novena. Say a rosary. Meditate. Say a litany. The Memorare. Whatever your heart desires, whenever it desires it. You may also choose (and this is HIGHLY ENCOURAGED!) to offer up your suffering, any suffering at all, for the Adopted Blogger. Your offering can be as small as your patience with an overtired, sugar-high toddler, or it can be as large as offering your cycle (if you are going through infertility) in the hopes that your cycle will be instead the cycle in which their child is conceived. Singles? You, too have an excellent opportunity to offer your daily wait for a spouse. Not trying to conceive? That's okay- hey, trust me, I'm sure we ALLLLLLL can find some form of suffering in our daily lives to offer up!

So, join in, one and all, and please feel free to STEAL this lovely Bloggy Button below created by our own Rebecca @ The Road Home.

The button should link back to this post on your page (steal the URL from above), so that all blog readers can learn how to join in, and WHO to pray for!
(Remember, the post will be updated on the 1st of each month, but the link will remain the same.)

Thank you for participating in the Adopt-A-Blogger Prayer Campaign!!! Your prayers are powerful, and so very much appreciated!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

The Biggest Lesson I've Learned

Thus far in pregnancy (18 weeks and a few days), especially now that I'm showing, obviously, through sweaters and winter coats (who knew?), one thing has continued to be impressed upon me.  And that is just how clueless people are to the suffering of infertility.

Most, if not all people who know or "discover" I am pregnant have either already known about our years of infertility and inability to adopt, OR are promptly told by Mr TCIE all about it :)  (He's so proud, it's so cute.)  But it is particularly the ones who stood alongside me, watching from a very distant sideline as I kicked and splashed and gasped for air, trying daily not to drown in my childlessness, who surprise me the most in how they respond and communicate with me in my pregnancy, now.

Most of the comments are from "knowing" women who have been pregnant, before.  Now, suddenly, they have something to share with me in an effort to commiserate.  "Oh, I've been there, so let me tell you about x, y, or z!"  "You think *this* is hard, just wait, you have NO IDEA!" and general commentary or implications of how I *must* be feeling, are the most interesting, to me.  Mostly because, the fact that they think they are commiserating, at all, is so far off base.  Misery?  Pregnancy?  To me, those are opposite sides of the spectrum.  Sure, there are unpleasantries, even physical sufferings, but ohmygosh, just how FAR they are from the sufferings and misery and sorrow and sadness of infertility and childlessness!!  Where before I was sputtering and fighting not to drown in the middle of icy ocean tides, now I am floating serenely in a still, peaceful, heated pool, sipping lemonade.  And I'm being asked how annoying it is that my toe keeps getting wet because my flotation device is *just* a little too short, and how irritating it is that I have no cup holder for my lemonade.

I get that most people haven't been in the middle of that icy ocean tide.  I also get that most women my age and over *have* been afloat in that pool.  I get that they want to share something with me, and for 8 years, they felt they couldn't share it, and now's their chance.  I really do get that.  And I welcome it, and I even enjoy it.  But it did drill home the lesson that unless someone has been in that ocean near-drowning, they are absolutely clueless.

It also highlighted for me how infertility can be a very compassionate place.  While in the middle of that freezing ocean, you may see others struggling right alongside you - and they will very often offer words of encouragement, messages of hope, helpful advice and support, or simply a look of "I understand."  It's commiseration, yes, but not based in the misery.  The misery is acknowledged, and immediately followed with something helpful, when you're in the ocean.  In the pool?  Not the same.  Not the same, at all.

I find myself drawn to that deep, dark ocean, not because I feel I belong there.  I know my place is now in the pool, and I cherish it.  But, moreso because I don't want to become an everyday pool lounger, oblivious to the world's oceans and deserts and sufferings never discussed poolside.  I want to stand on the shore, and walk alongside my sisters carrying their crosses, still in the ocean.

So, yes, I do have to pee all the time.  Isn't it glorious?
No, I'm not sleeping well at all, I wake up constantly and can't get comfortable.  Isn't it divine?
Yes, I dislike getting up early for appointments at the office (but it is EXPONENTIALLY better than waking up daily at 5:30am to drive to my first of 3 jobs... CHILDLESS).  Isn't it great?
No, I'm not having two, I'm just showing a LOT pretty early, and Yes, I'm sure I'm due in April.  Isn't it the best thing EVER??!!

I will take my wet toe and glass of lemonade sweating all over my hand any day.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Pregnancy Updates

After my last post, I just want to clarify that I don't plan to go away for good - but there will certainly be a change in tone and in content around TCIE from here on out.  It's *mildly* depressing, to me, that my posts always required a lot of thought, and I always tried to grasp a deeper spiritual meaning to life through childlessness, and now the posts will be more of the everyday garden variety... but it's a fleeting thought, really, because the blessing of writing about being with child is, well, still inexplicably miraculous, to me.

Of course, in the midst of these past 2 weeks, we were also dealing with a loss of massive proportion.  My dear mother-in-law, sick with cancer, took a turn and quickly deteriorated just before Halloween.  We were able to transfer her to hospice just in time, and she passed away on the Feast of All Souls.  Her funeral was Saturday.  It has been - just so draining.  Her suffering was intense, and our suffering in her loss is reprieved knowing that hers is no longer.  Please keep my husband, especially, in your prayers, as I know especially the approaching holidays will be difficult.

But with each ending comes a new beginning, and we are constantly reminded that our little blessing is coming at a time when we are prepared to appreciate it fully, without reserve.

Pretty much every night, I will say to DH, "Hey, guess what?  I'm pregnant."  It never gets old.  Even at 17 weeks :)

I felt the baby move (bubbles) for the first time as DH and I sat on either side of my mother-in-law on the final day we spent with her, Oct 31st.  It was such a blessing, in so many ways, to have that time together as a family with her, communicating with her (it ended up being the last time she was able to communicate, that day), and telling her about the baby moving.  She had an undeniable grin on her face when we told her :)

And since then, baby has only made tiny little bubbles every few days (that I could feel, anyway).  Until last night.  Last night, it must have been fiesta time, because suddenly I felt like my entire uterus tooted - followed by a cadence of teeny, tiny little men playing steel drums in there.  It was nothing short of awesome.

And just because no garden-variety pregnancy post would be complete without an ultrasound picture du jour, here, without further ado, is Baby TCIE, wiggling toes at 16 weeks: